Thread by @SkrivaFel

I've made a big pot of coffee and will now attempt to play CK2 as the rulers of Saxony. Mainly because Theoderic's associations to the Rök stone, if I'm honest.

I've also turned on full gender equality because ladies.

Starting out, Theoderic is paranoid, cruel, temperate and humble with pretty bad stats. He's married to Imma, who's frankly terrible. She's an envious and craven Indulgent Wastrel.

Ffs Imma. The first thing she does is get pregnant with someone who probably isn't Theoderic.

One of my vassals is plotting against me. Sent my spymaster to counterplot, and now the two have formed an alliance?

I tried imprisoning the rebel vassal, resulting in a drawn-out war.

At least Theoderic adopted a cat while sieging a city.

Won that war, held a blot and sacrificed the prisoners who no one would ransom (sorry), currently being attacked by someone from Bavaria? Also very ill.

Bavarian guy is just being angry down in Bavaria. I guess I'll just wait for him to come to me?

The game keeps making my worst son my heir. Wecta, who probably isn't even my son, is wrothful, envious, gluttonous and arbitrary. What's his good traits, you ask? Oh, he doesn't have any.

Solution: legitimize my daughter Helene, who is STRONK and generally better than her horrible brother. She's now my heir.

Also legitimized her sister, just to be a bit fair.

Helene now betrothed to a genius from Kiev, excellent.

Ffs Imma. My wife is now plotting to kill me. I'd imprison her, but she's in hiding - which I sent her to in order to protect her from assassination.

Hm, I can take her *out* of hiding...

Tried to imprison her, she fled to Ostfriesland. Good riddance, Imma, you horrible wife. Just because I [checks notes] had three kids with a woman a third my age and legitmized two of them to prevent your bastard son from inheriting.

Update: plotting to kill Imma.

And told my lover Hildegard (the mother of my good children) to quit plotting to kill my grandson.

Grand Chief Theoderic 'the Old' is 68 and has no ambitions left other than to kill his wife.

...which he failed to fulfill before dying of natural causes. Long live Grand Chieftess Helene (12)!

Right. Helene, while already a promising warrior at 12, has 0 (zero) diplomatic skill. Her genius betrothed is 16 and currently imprisoned in Lower Dniepr. This is fine.

Horrible half brother has declared his independence, so we'll have to deal with that soon.

Helene (13) declares war on Slesvig. A legend begins.

Just laughed out loud as King Ingemar of Sviþjod sent a message asking to marry my mother Hildegard, long time concubine of Grand Chief Theoderic. Hell yes. I don't even care about the diplomatic consequences.

Hildegard is 38 and mother of three, Ingemar is 19 and father of two children who are currently imprisoned in Sjælland. We may have to start crushing Denmark at some point.

And Hildegard immediately became seeress of Sviþjod. We stan a literal queen.

AND Commander. I love Hildegard.

Here's Helene, her husband Rodislav and, uh, DENMARK.

Helene, a recent mother (to Wenzel Rodislavsson), stomped her useless half brother Wecta and took over his chiefdom.

Possibly as a result of her subsequent attack on Ostfriesland, she is now Grand Chieftess Helene 'the Brute' of Saxony. She is 19.

Her army is lead by the bedouin eunuch Zeyd, and her spymaster is Greek eunuch Gennadios.

One of my vassals just claimed Iceland, meaning Iceland is now part of the Grand Chiefdom of Saxony.

Zoomed out to the map to discover that Germany has been formed. That might keep the Franks off my back.

Helene got pregnant with her very zealous seer. I guess burning apostates was... a thing for them. Just before going into labour, she beat down the robbers plaguing her capital.

Game suggested naming the baby Hildegard, and who better to name our illegitimate daughter after than our kick-ass concubine mother?

Invited a smith to come make me a sword, and he promptly showed daughter Hildegard how to lift. She's now Brawny. She's also 3 years old.

She's 3 and has a personal combat skill of 20, because she also inherited STRONK from her mother. 💪💪💪

In celebration, Helene has started a subjugation war against neighbouring Sorbia because why not.

And won it. Saxony is now twice as big and Helene is officially Threatening.

Oh no, mother Hildegard died a natural death at 64. While leading troops in Estonia.

After successfully winning Mecklenburg from king Haraldr of Denmark, Helene has decided to abandon her pagan faith and embrace Catholicism. In the spirit of "if you can't beat them, join them".

Hildegard junior has grown up and is right now with her husband in Serbia leading troops. She is, however, the heir to the Grand Chiefdom of Saxony.

Oh no, I spoke too soon! Seems she can't inherit now, since she's not the same religion as me. 😥

And now I've once again spent an entire day just playing this game. Time for dinner and a break from this screen. 😬

It seems enough people enjoy this low-fi let's play thread (and hopefully those who don't have muted the thread) for me to pick it up when I start playing again. :D

Playing a little bit more before bed (famous last words): Grand Chieftess Helene died at 57, slain on the battlefield in Pomerania. Her son Leuderic takes over Saxony, but is losing a few chiefdoms...

I had of course planned to let Awesome Hildegard II take over, but didn't realise I'd lose her as an heir because of religious differences. Leuderic is pretty mediocre, he's a fat and brave scholar who adores his diplomat wife Þyra, daughter of Ragnar Loðbrok.

Oh no, once again everything goes horribly wrong when the kingdom changes hands. All Helene's hard work to keep her vassals happy went down the drain; everyone hates poor Leuderic. One of his vassals just became king of Denmark, taking his parts of Saxony with him.

And through a strange inheritance trick, all his children born before he became king are vassals of his brother. It's all very messy.

Most of those children are now imprisoned because their liege, my brother, is at war. Leuderic is having the worst reign, poor guy.

And now he died of poor health at 44. Rule is taken over by his 69 y/o uncle Theoderic II. What a right mess.

Right, so picking up CK2 today (again, please mute this thread if you're uninterested). This is the state of Saxony atm, shattered and ruled by Theoderic II, who's 69 (nice but not nice) and pagan. Currently his heir is my favourite daughter of Helene's, Hildegard.

Problem is, Hildegard may be awesome, but she only holds one tiny chiefdom on the coast. Also, the succession law is elective, so heirs come and go at the drop of a hat. Heir today, gone tomorrow, as the Old Ones said.

Really, now I'm basically building stuff, keeping an eye on the electors, and waiting for Theoderic II to die. Hildegard is waging a subjugation war against Frisia, which I'd love for her to win and then let me take over and play her.

Omg, she won it. And the electors keep swinging back and forth between her and an 17 yo guy who's my cousin's son. He's ok, but nowhere near as cool and accomplished as Hildegard.

Honestly I want to play Hildegard so badly that I'm plotting to kill this poor boy.

It's very tense here as I wait.

Come onnn Theoderic, die already. You're ANCIENT.

The electors all seem to know Hildegard is the most competent and strong, but they see her as an encroaching foreign ruler (she was ruling in the Balkans for a long time before inheriting a chiefdom up here), so they'll literally propose anyone else in the dynasty.

THERE HE GOES. Just in time, I'm now playing as Hildegard! She's 41, has five children between the ages of 19 and 3, and is betrothed to an 11 yo, who is her niece's son. 😬😅

She's a Scholarly Theologian, an Aggressive Leader, Strong, Brawny (those lifting lessons from the smith when she was 3) and apparently an Impaler, which means she enjoys torturing prisoners. Oookay Hilde. She's also Kind and Temperate, so she's a nice torturer I guess.

And I went from staring at a screen of electors to being in the middle of a war I'm not completely sure why we started.

Won that small war, decided to try to win the middle parts of what eas once Saxony back from Denmark. Bad idea. Terrible. Had to surrender after the king of Denmark rallied all his allies.

I actually have a bit of a headache from playing all day yesterday, so I'll give it a break and come back later. Have to figure out Hildegard's game plan now that we have her.

The long term here is to get those parts back from Denmark, but they're too strong right now. Hildegard does have a claim on the kingdom of Friesland, which should be slightly easier.

Back! During a conquest war for Hamburg, Hildegard met her enemy on the battlefield: Guta, the warrior who killed her mother in a duel! Hildegard is, as we know, an epic fighter and easily defeated her opponent, actually burying her mother's own sword in Guta's heart.

Did I say out loud "you killed my mother, prepare to die"? Yes, yes I did.

That sword, the Sword of Grand Chieftess Helene, was the one crafted by the smith who taught Hildegard to lift back in the day.

Hildegard's nephew raised a small army to usurp her, but was defeated. This nephew was also married to her pretty unpleasant daughter Diedke, who's in prison somewhere else for unrelated reasons.

However, Hilde did lose a duel to him and sold out her vassal to him to avoid being imprisoned herself. She's now 50 and stressed, so I better prepare for inheriting.

Worried about Denmark, who are currently in a subjugation war for Pomerania, which they're likely to win, and there's not much I can do about it. Obv plotting to kill the Danish king, but it isn't going great.

Oh no, they got Pomerania.

Ha! While Grand Chief Bernhard of Denmark was busy in Essex, Hildegard declared war for one of Saxony's old chiefdoms and won. She gave a rallying speech in the final battle and became an Inspiring Leader.

Hildegard is now known, for some reason, as 'the Devil'.

And there she died, suddenly but apparently naturally, age 57. The brawniest, strongest lady.

So none of Hildegard's children were any good, tbh, so I let the electors find me a good heir. I'm now king Engelhard, 34. Unmarried, no kids, but both Quick and Strong with high Martial and Diplomacy. He's a Scholar, a Direct Leader and a Skilled Tactician.

He's Hildegard's nephew, which makes him the nephew of two previous rulers of Saxony, Hildegard and the sad Leuderic.

And as he is a single man in possession of a good fortune, there is a universally acknowledged truth here: he needs a wife.

Found him a good, left-handed wife who's good with money, Queen Pereyaslava. Make some babies!

Meanwhile, Denmark is under attack in like six different wars, so here's hoping they'll get less powerful.

Engelhard discovered that one of his prisoners from a small war he waged against his brother quite liked him. So he set her free and made her his concubine. 😬

He already has a son, Þorbjörn (Engelhard's dad was married off to a queen in Sweden, so the Norse names are appearing).

And I think I'll stop there for tonight. I just discovered that Engelhard's brand new concubine has a claim on all of Denmark that can be pressed. Hmmmm.

Going to play a bit more this afternoon. I didn't realise Engelhard was culturally Norse, so I converted him to Saxon. He is the king of Saxony after all. He started a war against the severely besieged Denmark, but is having trouble even finding some Danish troops to fight.

So the war is on hold, I guess that's fine.

After all the other Danish wars settled down, Engelhard has grabbed three more chiefdoms back from Denmark. Very seriously considering subjugating Pomerania, although it has in the past been dangerous for his family. But they're so weak right now...

Family wise, Engelhard has four children, three sons and a daughter, the daughter and the youngest son are extra smart.

Screw it, let's subjugate Pomerania. Or literally die trying.

I JINXED IT. Engelhard died of ill health at 44 while sieging. Now I'm his brother, Albrecht.

Albrecht: 31, has a wife Bertrada who is the chieftess of Austisland and the commander of Iceland. They have two kids, the very, very ill Wenzel, and the infant Gehrke. Albrecht is a good diplomat and pretty learned, but not great at other things.

So we won that war easily, here's Saxony now (not pictured: Iceland). Even managed to vassalize our brother, who had been clinging on to independence in the middle of the kingdom since the last king.

A tiny army was raised against Albrecht. During the war, he chased down their commander for a duel. Won the duel but lost a hand. 😬

Oh no, SHE lost the hand. :D

Albrecht is turning out to be quite the king/opportunist. He's just subjugated Poznan, meaning Saxony controls almost all the south coast of the Baltic Sea.

He also has five children with his wife, three with concubines, and two with his lover (who just died).

However, his current heir, which I approve of, is his nephew Guðmundr, son of the previous king Engelhard. He has good traits and a wife who also has good traits, including a PET OWL.

Someone killed Guðmundr! RUDE. New heir is much less cool. And, I notice, has the trait Deceitful.

Upon discovering that Albrecht was the heir to Poznan, we arranged a very swift plot (300% plot power) to have the current chief killed.

Oh no! Albrecht died at 50, leaving the kingdom to his nephew Weybrecht. Unfortunately, his two other kingdoms, Frisia (newly created) and Pomerania, went to other people and declared independence. Oops.

Weybrecht is not having this, he's warring to get Pomerania back. Unfortunately Poland got there first, but at least he doesn't have to fight his kin.

Looking quite good under Weybrecht now. While we were reclaiming Pomerania, there were some civil wars in Frisia, which is probably our next goal. Note Finland hanging out SW of Denmark, and Aquitaine doing gods know what in Sweden.

It seems like some Aquitaine-Estonian marrying happened a couple of generations ago and we're seeing the results now.

Family wise, Weybrecht is 30, married to a Dutch lady called Katrijne, and they have five kids so far. The oldest, Bertrada, is 7 and already Strong and Brave, in the best tradition of the Saxon grand chieftesses. She's clearly my preferred heir.

Weybrecht's mother was just burnt ar the stake? What the?

This has oddly not changed Weybrecht's opinion of Bertold 'the Butcher' of Hamaland, who ordered the burning.

And now we're being challenged to a holmgang by Boriwoj of Pomeralia. Time to grab grandma's sword and go duel.

And won! Excellent.

Laying low atm, that Pomeranian takeover meant Saxony is very threatening to everyone else. Two of my six daughters have gained the trait Attractive, which is nice.

Oh dear. A monk Weybrecht kindly invited to stay the night was an assassin. I have the option to challenge him to a game of chess...

Because I'm Deceitful, I can cheat. Absolutely, go ahead, Weybrecht.

Oh no! He failed to cheat a second time and was murdered!

Welp, I'm now playing as his, Bertrada 'the Blessed'. She's 18 and didn't grow up as great as I'd hoped, but she's decent and betrothed to a promising boy from Gudbrandsdalen.

And we lost Pomerania to inheritance laws again.

Bertrada is getting married, but is checking out another, married, man at the wedding.

I'm going for it, more drama!

Omg, my mother! Has seduced! My brand new husband!

Now, I did pick him for his good genetics, but this marriage seems doomed. I have the option to send him to a monastery...

No, off with him. Bertrada can find someone else to sleep with.

I do wonder what kind of monastery a pagan goes to. :P

Bertrada continues to seduce her vassal's husband, sending him poetry.

Pregnant, Bertrada goes on a hunt arranged by her vassal (and occasional heir, depending on the electors) Agnes in order to flirt with Agnes' husband Kresimir. She saves him from a wolf during the hunt and they fall into each other's arms... and hearts.

She then gives birth to her husband's daughter, Athela, who to my great joy has inherited his Quick trait. Þorfinnr, your job is over.

Bertrada just challenged Agnes to a duel! While still feeling the effects of get recent pregnancy! Time to bring out grandma's sword again.

She won the duel! Now she just has to get her husband killed...

Oh that's right, they're pagan. So just a divorce then.

Ooh, more drama! Kresimir won't marry her matrilineally! Now, she has already produced a child of her dynasty, but I'm not completely sure what will happen to my game if they get married.

Also, ffs Kresimir. Bertrada saved you from a wolf and duelled your unwanted wife for you.

I think I'll go for it anyway, just to see how messy this all gets. The dynasty is big.

WHAT. While I was considering my options, Kresimir married someone else! The gall.

Fine. FINE. Then Bertrada will marry this guy from Medelpad instead and keep sleeping with Kresimir.

Oh my everlasting gods. After this highly dramatic few years, Bertrada was MURDERED at 26.

What a whirlwind of a reign. So now I'm playing as Engelhard's granddaughter, the beautiful and intelligent Rodelinda. Of course, there goes Pomerania again.

That's probably a good place to stop and go to bed. Phew. Poor Bertrada.

So, now with the addition of some more dlcs, I continue as Rodelinda. Her husband was pretty useless, so she divorced him and, uh married Bertrada's widower.

Bertrada's awesome daughter Athela is the grand chieftess of Pomerania. My plan now is to try and make her my heir rather than immediately going to war for Pomerania.

I should add that the man Rodelinda has married isn't Þorfinnr, the father of Athela, but Vagn, the guy hastily imported by Bertrada after Kresimir went and married someone else.

Kresimir, btw, turns out to have five children with three different women, that player.

Had a disastrous war against Magyar (pressured into it by my uncle). Just checked to see who's taken over parts of Jylland and southern Norway - and it's Galicia-Volhynia, better known as the kingdom Dramatic Lover Kresimir is heir to.

Rodelinda caroused with her husband and they're now best friends. Aww.

The Jomsvikings have taken over Pomerania and killed Athela, who I wanted to play as! Bastards.

Rodelinda's daughter Adelheid has a hare lip and an amazing talent for intrigue. I've married her to a very smart guy with a lisp and love this couple.

Her other daughter, Thiedburga, has 0 in diplomacy but 22 in martial and is a siege expert. She's a bulldozer. 😍

Couldn't help myself, conquered Pomerania once again. I *know* it'll slip out of my hands next inheritance, but hey.

One of my vassals has gone over and taken Lincoln? Saxony now has holdings on the British Isles I guess.

Lunchtime Saxony commences! When I did a brief check this morning while waiting for an online lecture to start, Rodelinda died and was replaced with Agnes who is the great granddaughter of both Engelhard and Albrecht.

I also took the rash decision to convert to Christianity, because a) all my neighbours are doing it and ganging up on me, and b) drama!

Agnes is 21, strong, diligent, lustful and ambitious. She's a good diplomat and a decent warrior. She's married to a man of 54, Albrecht, who's the grandchild of the previous king Albrecht. We should probably get some fresh blood in here.

Her husband just died, and her lover, the high chief of Iceland, won't marry matrilineally, the fool.

Just checked in on Bertrada's sister, Irminburg 'the Heavenly'. She's blinded, a cannibal, one-legged, a drunkard, dull and ugly. Oh, and now she died from her injuries.

She got that nickname as a child, seems like it ended up being ironic.

Meanwhile, Agnes is pregnant with her second child. It's a difficult pregnancy and she's depressed. :/

Uh, great job Anundr. Have any kids that need marrying?

Pomerania invaded me? No no, that's not the way this usually goes.

Now, should Agnes agree to become a satanist? I think so.

She did, and then attacked Pomerania. And now everything's a real mess: we're losing the war, there are three different uprisings against us, everything is terrible.

Had to give up my claim to Pomerania and the holdings in England. FINE. Now the brother of my chaplain, a guy who has smallpox, has arrived at my court. I keep throwing him out, he keeps coming back. GO AWAY WITH YOUR POX.

Me: oh, Denmark exists again. [zooms out] What the...

Also, check out Agnes' discreet Satanist hood. She's so fed up with Smallpox Guy that she's called in dark powers to abduct him.

Agnes is now on a trading expedition, let's see how that pans out.

Business deal with Hull of all places. More importantly, Agnes has been blessed by Azazel and also has a raven familiar.

She's also become a hunchback.

I really enjoy the fact that the ruler responsible for making Saxony Christian is also a satanist.

Right, let's see where Saxony is heading. Nowhere great at the moment tbh. A thing I've learnt from playing Queen Agnes the satanist and bringer of Christianity: Unless you have a lot of private army levies, you have to choose between going to war and certain politics.

Ie., don't piss off all your vassals and then ask them to provide armies for your grand war. They'll just refuse. Also, no one wants to vote for the heir Agnes votes for, because they don't trust her. Can't blame them really.

So Agnes is now 52, nicknamed 'the Dragoness' and probably being held alive by her multiple demonic acquaintances. She's on her third husband, and has eight kids, two of which have gone to join religious knight orders.

One more son wanted to go do the same, but he's married to a brilliant lady, so his job is to make babies I can play as later.

We tried imprisoning the boring guy who was my current heir, but he rose up against us. With a puny army. Meanwhile, the Holy Roman Empire has been formed out of what used to be Lombardy.

My main problem right now is my extremely powerful vassal Ulfhildr, who holds half of the chiefdoms in the kingdom and refuses to let my dynasty marry into hers.

Agnes has sent her minions to abduct a German bishop, because she needs to kill a holy man in order to rise in the ranks of the secret society. And the next rank is being the leader of the whole thing.

There we go, abducted one of my own bishops, Åke, and sacrificed him to Satan. Piece of cake.

And the Pope just called us to a crusade against Jerusalem. Can't really say I feel like it...

Especially since very few of my vassals are actually Christian.

The crusade got cancelled because nobody came, aw poor pope.

Agnes just invited a young woman to her court for the express purpose of sacrificing a virgin to Satan. 😬

Relative asked us to push her claim for Pomerania, and who is Agnes (60, possessed by a demon) to refuse?

Meanwhile, a minor problem is approaching.

My spymaster just died of the plague. 😬😬😬

My daughter died. 😬😬😬

Oh dear, everyone's falling like flies around me.

This is when I really should be streaming this game, as you'd all be hearing the constant tinkling of the message bell informing me who's dead now, and me going AAAHHH

Did I sacrifice too much to Satan? Too little?

Oh no, Agnes has the plague. And her heir right now is some rando.

Trying to treat it by... cutting out an eye.

Wait a minute. Agnes has Dark Healing, a power she has because of all the satanism. Worth a try.

I think it worked?

Also, I think everyone needs to hear Agnes' list of traits:
Skilled tactician, Flat terrain expert, Inspiring leader, Strong, Cannibal, Poet, Scarred, Hunchback, Clubfooted, Game master, Diligent, Ambitious, Cruel, Arbitrary, Envious, Charitable, Stressed, Possessed, One-eyed.

Modifiers:
Raven familiar, Lover's memento, Blessing of Avnas (a demon), Business contacts (in Hull), Blessing of Azazel, Known murderer, Trader, Owes 350 gold to Jewish moneylenders, Queen of the Harvest, Blessing of Lilith, Crushed revolt, Exhausted from demonic healing.

I paid back the loan. Agnes may be evil, but she doesn't cheat in business.

I should go to bed soon, but I need to know how Agnes ends and what happens to Saxony afterwards.

Me at the beginning of this session: let's see where Saxony is heading, ugh my heir is bad and army small.

Me now: half my court is dead, including several of my children and grandchildren. I'm out of souls to sell to Satan. Any heir that isn't literally plagued will do.

But you could say Agnes is having some bad heir days.

She just sent out her son to hunt for the secret of eternal life.

The plague is slowly receding. Can Agnes really make it through?

Ooh, cool, her son brought back a West African woman called Hawa the Fearless who supposedly knows something about eternal life.

Yesss, Agnes is now the High Priestess of Lucifer's Own. She rules the satanists!

Omg, she can now steal the life force from her own children and attempt to impregnate a follower of Satan with unholy spawn. I should totally try at least the devil baby.

No one will ever know Agnes is leading a secret society.

There goes the Byzantine Empire! Very dramatic evening.

Agnes just tried to sacrifice an antelope she imported, because her spiritual advisor Hawa said so. She failed and ended up cutting off her own hand.

Now she's mainly... being invited to parties. She's 66, which is ancient by CK2 rules.

A friend sent her a puppy. She named it Lucifer. A relative plotted to kill her. She possessed her with a demon. Agnes is fresh out of effs to give.

Am I now using Agnes' powers of demonic possession to possess electors and try to get them to vote for my candidate for heir? Possibly.

Honestly, I need to go to bed, but Agnes refuses to die.

Her grandson is apparently the king of Wales now.

Welp, while I wait for Agnes to give up the ghost, why don't we try to recruit the Pope for Satan?

Alas, he wasn't interested.

Good dog Lucifer makes friends with all the children at court. 😊

I really am going to bed now. Agnes held out longer than I did. Pomerania is also in trouble, and for once I'm not causing it. We're nearing the year 1000, exciting times!

Ok, I'm having a late breakfast and have other things I need to do today, so let's start the day off with checking in with Agnes the Immortal. (now watch as I spend four hours playing CK2 instead of the other things)

First, let's buy yet another dlc (Conclave), because reasons.

(Conclave gives more diplomatic stuff, but I mainly want it because you can direct your children's education more)

Agnes, 73, has declared a war for Århus and is flirting with a 38 yo satanist called Arsenio. Age is just a number.

Hang on, apparently getting that dlc has reset the laws. I no longer have elective gavelkind, and more annoyingly, the centralization laws I've worked for generations to get higher are reset to minimum.

Tbh, right now not having elective succession is better for me, because no one likes Agnes and at least I have control over her children.

Good dog Lucifer died. Agnes paid a lot of money to erect a pyramid in his memory.

Omg, Agnes finally died. A natural death at 77, while sieging a city. Rip Agnes, the most satanic of all rulers. 😈😔

Her successor is her son Sigfrid. 42, married to a Greek genius called Iouliana, has two kids: Tymmeke, 14 also a genius and someone I have high hopes for, and Ida, an infant.

Sigfrid himself is Grey Eminence, which is a great trait. He's also strong and shy and deceitful. This could work.

And Saxony has now held Greater Poland for so long that its no longer considered a de jure part of the kingdom of Poland.

Oh no! My wife Iouliana was killed by thugs! :O

But that means I can marry one of my favourite characters, Christina, who's a one-legged genius adventurer. Unfortunately I was so excited to marry her, I forgot she's 52 and won't be having any more kids. Ah well.

Christina was Agnes' spymaster and once raised an army of her own and left Agnes' court to seek her fortune. She was beaten pretty quickly by the king of Pomerania. Agnes got her out of prison, and on her return, Christina was angry for being "fired from the council".

Checking in on my heir Tymmeke, finding out that his wife has had an illegitimate child with the lord mayor of Genoa. Smh.

Ok, back at it! Agnes is such a hard act to follow that I don't really know what to do with Sigfrid. He's 51 now, which could mean death at any time. I'm more interested in his extremely sneaky son and heir Tymmeke tbh.

Welp, never complain about not knowing what to do. I just had a war declared on me by Queen Cautrion the Cruel of Austrasia.

Oh no, and a revolt on top of that!

It's in Iceland, I think I might just let them win. I have like four boats and am busy.

And Östergötland declared war on me for some reason, and my ally (as of five minutes ago) France dragged me into a war against Pomerania. Sigfrid is severely wounded after a duel.

Sigfrid won another duel, earning the respect of the women he duelled. Good job!

And thanks to one of my vassals, who actually has boats, the revolt on Iceland has been suppressed. I should give that vassal something.

Hm, the only thing I can give her that isn't all my money is more power, and sorry no.

In good old tradition, let's start a war on Pomerania. Just to claim one county, mind. 😇

Sigfrid's oldest daughter, Ida (19), has raised an army. I think she may be on her way to try and claim Anatolia?

Pomerania has called in the papal army to help them? Oops.

There we go, won a county that just happens to split Pomerania in two.

Ida is indeed trying to claim Anatolia. I think I have to send my spymaster over there to check it out.

Wife and adventurer Christina died. :(

Sigfrid married a 16 year old French girl in the hopes of a few more kids. 😬

Denmark is btw mainly the area around Kiev these days.

I may have just married off my lover to my grandson.

Nooo, Sigfrid was assassinated! At 66, by falling off a balcony.

So I'm now playing as Tymmeke (38), the genius intriguer whose mother was the Greek spymaster and sister is trying (and failing) to claim Anatolia. His wife is Amalberga the Unfaithful from Lombardy.

Ida failed at her quest for Anatolia. She's now nicknamed "the Frog" and imprisoned.

Ransomed her. Stay safe, sis.

Someone tried to assassinate Tymmeke, but he's way too good at Intrigue for that.

Oh no, I spoke too soon! Poisoned! By... uh... a woman Agnes possessed with a demon.

Much less excited by the new ruler tbh. Tymmeke's son Marbold is ok but not exceptional. Also, he looks like he'd send death threats to game developers over weapon nerfs.

Welp, that didn't last long. 😬 Marbold died under suspicious circumstances at age 27. I'm now playing as his 3 year old son Tymmeke II...

And that'll be it for tonight. I'm a bit worried for Saxony, there are clearly some sneaky and dangerous people plotting against the Theodericings.

More Saxony while having a late breakfast. The child king Tymmeke II (5) is on the shaky throne, after both his father and grandfather were assassinated in short succession. There were hints that this was by order of the queen of France...

Trying to marry into the more powerful families. I may be saying out loud "may I offer you a wife in these trying times?".

I misremembered, it was the duchess of Dauphiné who ordered my grandfather killed. She seems to have died herself in the meantime. Still, Tymmeke II will not forget.

Oh, that's right. I married off a son to Bourgogne a few generations ago, it's his descendants who must be out for blood. And the kingdom.

Catchy name.

Oh dear. A powerful Norwegian jarl has invaded me.

Won that war, but now have a fever. Oh no.

The previous genius Tiny Tymmeke was betrothed to must have died, but I've found him another. She's great, I hope they both live to have kids.

Oh nooo, pneumonia!

Nooooo, Tiny Tymmeke died of pneumonia! 🥺

I'm now his not great sister Mathilde, 16. Hm.

Oh ffs, she almost immediately died of dysentery. I'm now her 12yo aunt Othelindis, the daughter of Tymmeke I. Those assassins really did mess up Saxony.

Othelindis' spymaster tried to seduce her by a river, but we figured that might be dangerous, given all the assassinations in her family.

I was excommunicated by the Pope? Why? :O

I've agreed to go into debt just to not be an enemy of the Catholic church.

Ida "the Frog" just died. :/

Rather than having another drawn-out war I can't even get to, I granted independence to western Iceland. Have fun up there.

And my vassals have been taking over most of eastern and southern England.

Saxony just went feudal! Hooray! I'm not completely sure what this means, but here goes!

I mean, I know what feudalism is. I'm just not sure what it means for gameplay. :P

Before I go have lunch, time to GO INTO DEBT to GET CROWNED BY THE POPE.

Aaand immediately have an enormous independence war declared against me.

Oh no, Saxony is about to fall to pieces.

And now I (Maja, the real person) got a call asking why I hadn't turned up for the appointment I had ten minutes ago and which I'd thought was in fifty minutes. Cliffhanger!

I'm back from my errands, have washed my hands while singing the beginning of Paul Simon's Graceland, and am now ready to see the splitting apart of Saxony.

While this is definitely the result of me having played tactically badly, I'm actually pleased with the role playing aspect of it. Othelindis, a young person who never really expected to rule, stressed out over her unruly vassals, made bad decisions.

She went for the grandest coronation possible in a desperate attempt to show rulership, and now she's in deep debt and defending against a war of independence which will almost certainly lose her more than half the kingdom.

And there it goes. The lavender Egðafylki, the grey Münster and the peach Jylland were all part of Saxony until just now. Ah well, we're still the QUEEN.

Here's something that made me laugh. In case you didn't know, in CK2 you pay attention to your claims on other counties etc. Claims are essential for declaring war. Before this civil war, Othelindis had no claims. Now, well... the claims are in that stack at the bottom.

And in the middle of all this, Othelindis gave birth to her first child, a son named Leuderic. He has a club foot and is probably the son of Othelindis' lover, but hey.

Oh no, she went to communion and choked on it, calling out the name of her son's real father. Oops.

Look, she's the great grandchild of Agnes the Satanist, I guess God doesn't forget that easily.

High Chieftess Agnieszka of Greater Poland, one of my vassals, is pressing for Elective monarchy. If I agree, there's a high risk I won't have an heir of my dynasty, which means game over when Othelindis dies. If I refuse, there'll be another civil war which I'll likely lose.

I had to give in. It's back to elective succession, oh dear.

So what might happen is that while I won't lose the game as such, it's likely I'll lose Saxony. Which is... a problem.

Revolt in England, war declared by Flanders, oh dear oh dear.

And now I'm being threatened to either give up the kingdom or face a war. Sigh.

I'm going to fight for the kingdom. Dammit.

Othelindis has had two more kids: Tymmeke and the first child I've decided to name something else than what the game suggested. She's called Agnes.

If I lose the kingdom of Saxony, but not the game, should I continue playing?

Apparently while I was busy fighting for my life, old frenemy Pomerania has become Pannonia.

I now have two revolts against me. 🤦‍♀️

Irminsul was destroyed. We knew it was coming, I guess.

Othelindis keeps having babies, but also seems to be developing the great pox and yeah, everything is fine.

All my children are imprisoned. 😬😥

Oh my god. So the biggest revolt - which was all but lost, I was just waiting for them to enforce their demands - was to put a guy called Cobbo on the throne. Just now, my chaplain arrived with a heretic. Guess who? Cobbo. Do you want to burn the heretic? Yes, I think I do.

So I just won a lost war because my court chaplain is zealous. Good lord.

And won the other revolt because the guy leading it got usurped by someone else. Othelindis really has been lucky.

A strong faction pushed for gavelkind succession. Ok, I guess? It's a pain, but I have nothing left to war with.

Oh FFS. ANOTHER revolt.

Excommunicated AGAIN.

Literally grovelled in the mud in front of the Pope to get back in the church. Not because I really want to, but because almost all my military power comes from holy orders, who won't serve me if I'm excommunicated.

Another goddamn war, this time from Mecklenburg. Argh!

And another revolt. Could you not.

Right, Mecklenburg war won. Now for those revolts.

One revolt down, one to go.

I can usurp the kingdom of Denmark. Which is currently a few counties in modern day Sweden + chunks of land near the Black Sea. I'm very tempted.

I do want to imprison the vassal who lead the dangerous war against me first.

What the... I wanted to enforce my demands, but some other king was holding my opponent, so I couldn't. And now I'm imprisoned by that same king, the king of Pictland.

Pictland is of course modern day Scotland and northern England, plus a huge country spanning what's now the border between France and Germany.

Phew, finally got to peace.

I'm going to add the hashtag #MajaPlaysCK2 to this thread, and use it when big changes happen (so not every tweet). I'll also try to place some markers in the thread for when I start a new session.

So, currently in #MajaPlaysCK2, we're in 1071. Queen Othelindis of Saxony is 38 and has five children. Saxony is shattered but alive, and I'm considering usurping Denmark just because I can.

Here's the state of (most of) Europe and Saxony atm.

I have a strong feeling people want me to usurp Denmark.

I did. :) Actually, the only thing that happened is that those places down by the Black Sea left the kingdom. Fair enough.

Declared a holy war for Franconia, which is what those huge amounts of land I lost in a war are called now.

Me: I'll just marry off my younger son to this lady.
Half an hour later: hang on, he's what now

Yesss. Having the empress of the Holy Roman Empire as my daughter in law means I could easily form an alliance with them.

Which means, as I'm once again losing a war for Saxony, 14000 troops from the empire are coming to help out. 😊

We won that war, and alas, Queen Othelindis died of... a variety of unpleasant ailments. At the end, she was disfigured and a lunatic, but she did have a really, really tough reign.

The ascension of her son, King Leuderic II, age 20, seems like a good place to stop for the evening and get dinner. :) He's already in the shadow of his cool younger brother Tymmeke, who inherited Denmark and is also of course the emperor of the Holy Roman Empire.

A bit of #MajaPlaysCK2 while I'm doing laundry. We're in 1079, Saxony is considerably smaller than I'm used to, and the ruler is Leuderic II (20). He's best at diplomacy and intrigue, has a clubfoot, and is married to Anselperga of The Holy Roman Empire.

His brother Tymmeke is married to Anselperga's sister, who turned out to be the one who inherited the entire HRE. Tymmeke also inherited Denmark.

My main plan for Leuderic 2 is to slowly retake parts of what was once Saxony and try to rebuild relations with his brother.

I also need to get rid of the way too powerful Hrothwina The Shieldmaiden.

Oh no, Hrothwina declared war on me for Saxony. Goddammit.

Oh god, everything's going down the drain again.

We're in a weird situation: Hrothwina has won the war, but can't enforce her demands because some of her holdings are taken by someone else.

I may be able to form an alliance with the HRE again, here's hoping they'll come to the rescue.

I'm reinforcing and holding on for dear life, hoping my sister in law will send troops.

Omg, are those 30000 HRE troops heading this way?

Sister in law, you're THE BEST

She's leading the troops herself, I love her. We may have a tiny chance of turning this war.

Meanwhile, my half-sister was imprisoned and forced to become someone's concubine. He'll pay for this.

Oh dear, I think the HRE troops are leaving. 😬

My WIFE is now a forced concubine. 🤬🤬🤬

I can barely keep up with the amount of wars declared on me. I won the last one (thanks, SIL!), but am already in a new one.

In an attempt to gain the secret of the Philosopher's Stone from a lady called Cleopatra, Leuderic tried pickpocketing, got caught, and lost his hand.

Since he now has a personal combat skill of -70, I've told him to stop leading armies.

The woman his son was betrothed to contracted syphilis and had a baby as soon as she was old enough. That betrothal is off.

He kind of looks like Mark Hamill.

He died! Age 31! It was probably because of the hand loss. 😬

Well, here we are with a new ruler in #MajaPlaysCK2. King Bertold is 12, playful, willful, and, oh dear, dull. He's betrothed to his cousin, princess Othelindis of the Holy Roman Empire.

His half sister Giseltrude is apparently imprisoned and also possessed.

He had a sister the same day his dad died, Margarete, who, impressively for an infant, dislikes Bertold because she has a claim to his title.

Bertold grew up (ie turned 16). He's a skilled tactician, dull, brave deceitful. Unfortunately also a lunatic for some reason...

At least being a lunatic, he can enforce bonkers laws. I went for cessation of all violence, people didn't like that.

My wife is the queen of Denmark now, but she doesn't want an alliance. 😔

I'm not completely sure I'm happy with the game auto-naming Bertold's second son Luder...

(For the non-Scandis, "luder" is a derogatory term for a sex worker)

Bertold probably has rabies. Jeez.

Aaand he died, one-eyed, of dysentery.

I'm going to pause here, and return later as King Leuderic III, 5 years old.

Fun thing about Leuderic 3 is that he's Saxony's first black king.

Ok, onwards in #MajaPlaysCK2! The year is 1100, King Leuderic III is 5 years old and Saxony, as it has been for a couple of generations now, is a bit of a mess.

Leuderic's mum, Othelindis II, is the Queen of Denmark, and his grandma is Empress Gisela 'the Witch Hunter' of the Holy Roman Empire. He is currently the heir to the kingdom of Denmark, which may mean he might want to have his mum assassinated later.

Look, I'm not generally a fan of matricide, but she's only 23 and unlikely to die any time soon, and it's an entire kingdom...

For now, our focus is to grow up as well as we can, keep that friendship with the HRE that has been Saxony's only saviour for a while now, and hope no one assassinates *us*.

And of course there's a new war for the throne of Saxony. Ffs.

Hiring mercenaries and hoping to see grandma's troops on the horizon.

Won it! Grandma almost reached us with her troops, but our mercenaries did the job.

Trying to force-convert my imprisoned enemies, to see if that makes them less likely to attack me again.

Hm, a crusade for Sicily? You know what, Leuderic is going for it. He wants to be friends with the Pope.

Also, I've never been in a crusade, so let's try it.

My mum still doesn't want an allowance with me. :/

*alliance

Helped win a crusade by wandering around the Alps without getting in any battles.

Trying to get my army back to Saxony, but keep getting into fight with the Bavarian revolt for some reason.

For the first time in a long time, most of my vassals like me. That's good.

There's of course also a powerful faction against me, because there's always a powerful faction against me.

Inherited a random bit of land in another kingdom, now Burgundy is going to war over it.

Grandma's army to the rescue!

Leuderic, having finally reached 16, asked the Pope to crown him. Sure, he said, if you win over this guy over here in a way. So we're off to war against [checks notes] Polotski.

Called grandma Empress into the war, and she agreed, but she's getting tired of it.

No idea how, but I kind of ended up with an army of 7000 that wouldn't fight at all. So I lost the war. :/

Possibly because grandma Gisela died, and some of those armies were hers? Don't know. It was very frustrating.

Leuderic is now 23, has two kids with his lover, who's also his court physician. His betrothed is still only 14. I also accidentally denounced one of his kids, so officially he only has the one.

He's stressed and scarred, but also well known for his duelling prowess.

Oh dear, a great plague has broken out. In my capital. I keep throwing sick people out of my court. 😬

Oh no, Leuderic has the plague.

Phew, he survived thanks to his lover and court physician amputating his leg.

His mum died, leaving him the kingdom of Denmark. Which as far as I can tell is just Skåne right now.

Another. Goddamn. Uprising.

I now have three wars against me for my two kingdoms. This isn't going to end well, friends.

In the nick of time I managed to hire a holy order.

Meanwhile, Leuderic has two lovers, one of which is a 52 year old woman he found sneaking around in the tunnels underneath the castle.

I cannot believe it: I survived those wars too. The Theodericings have a thousand lives.

So my next plan is to let Saxony prosper in peace for a bit, and then try to force vassalisation on the area known until recently as Mecklenburg. For some reason, it just changed name to Paris.

Ok, apparently the Duke of Paris has become the suzerain of Mecklenburg. This is all very confusing.

Warring to get Mecklenburg, oldest daughter Jutta died in battle. Current heir is ok, but the next in line is AMAZING. I may need to attempt to get rid of my daughter.

And there Leuderic III died of severe stress, just after vassalising Mecklenburg. Unfortunately succeeded by his less awesome daughter Radegund, but we'll make it work I hope.

It's way past my bedtime, so this is a good place to end for tonight.

The year is 1170 and I've been playing Saxony for nearly 400 years. Good lord.

Right. #MajaPlaysCK2

https://twitter.com/SkrivaFel/status/1245419754371919873

Here's Queen Radegund of Saxony and the state of things in 1140. Here's also her unfortunately so much better sister Margarete, whom I honestly wished I was playing as.

For context, an average stat in those colour-coded things to the right is 8. Margarete's stats are bloody exceptional.

Margarete is also the oldest daughter of Leuderic III and his wife - Radegund is a legtimised bastard. Which I wouldn't have done if I'd known her little sister would be amazing. Ah well.

Well, my immediate plan is apparently for Radegund to have her third child, and after that I think we'll claim the kingdom of Denmark from our nephew.

Too late, Cool Sister Margarete has already declared war for Denmark.

Wait what. Why is this part of Saxony?

Radegund, feeling like she's in the shadow of her little sister, decides to splurge and get crowned by the Pope! At a grand ceremony! And she can actually afford it.

Someone has left a copy of "The Sagas" on her bed, trying to convert her to Germanic beliefs. I feel like those would just teach her how to feud and what to do when ghosts bicker in your kitchen.

She turned that down. She was literally just crowned by the Pope.

Eh, her 14 year old kinsman is infatuated with her. 😬

I'm also not a huge fan of her husband, Köpke 'the Seducer'. He has "lover's pox" and the trait Master Seducer, two kids that aren't with Radegund, and worst of all, apparently had his own infant son killed.

He's also plotting to kill Radegund's nephew, but tbf that would be great, since she's his heir to all of Denmark.

And he has just had another affair. Bastard.

Radegund went to the coronation of the king of Galicia and had a tumble with a count. Now she's pregnant and her husband is upset. Pah!

Radegund is fat and jolly and everyone loves her. This is such a nice change from having two independence wars a year.

Of course, as soon as I said that, I find out that Cool Sister Margarete has formed an alliance with her mum, the former queen of Saxony.

In some strange twist of politics, what was until recently Germany is now France, but not part of what is called France. What should be called France is oddly nameless on the map atm.

I'm going to be slightly boring and go eat ice cream and watch TNG now. But it's nice to know that a) people are still following along, and b) Saxony is relatively peaceful, after all those civil wars. Famous last words.

I have a small glass of rum, because I can apparently not play this game without a beverage, let's get back to #MajaPlaysCK2

The year is 1147. Queen Radegund is 29 and a rotund mother of six. Her husband is a philandering bastard. We're currently just peacing out, raising and marrying off kids, and waiting to see if there'll be any Denmark left to claim after they're done with their current war.

Hm, Cool Sister Margarete has arrived for an audience. She doesn't seem to hate me or have a plot against me, so I guess she can come in.

Oops, tried being nice and informal to my sister, but that irritated her.

And there Margarete became Queen of Denmark. Hmm.

She took with her the counties she held in Saxony. Not great.

Maybe the time to declare war on our own sister has come sooner rather than later. She *is* weakened by get recent war.

Yup, let's declare war for Denmark and all Margarete's duchies.

Three different men who all had exceptionally high Intrigue and the trait Master Schemer just randomly arrived at my court without invitation. Yeah no, I'm ok thanks.

Funny how all three went back to the same duchess's court when I asked them to leave.

Meanwhile, Slow Fever is ravaging Saxony, infecting several of my children.

And Radegund herself. 😬

Oh dear. Radegund died, mid-war. 😬😬😬

Nooo, we lost the claim on Denmark. 🥺😥

Ok. The current situation in #MajaPlaysCK2: it's 1149. Saxony has just been inherited by Adalgar, 14. He's willful and paranoid and slightly starved, since his no-good dad has him secluded in court.

Damn, I'd *just* managed to have content vassals and a council that liked me.

I now have the option to decide Adalgar is gay, after him having a queer 😎 dream about a farm boy. Now, homosexual is not a great trait if you want kids, but I'm obv going for it.

And actually, I can decide to make him Lustful, a trait that balances out the fertility penalty. Not sure how that pans out, but hey. Lustful gay it is.

Do I want to hire a possessed court physician? I don't think so.

Oh dear. I burnt a heretic at the stake, but didn't think about the fact that he was in my dynasty. Adalgar is now known as a Dynastic Kinslayer, and he's only 15.

Just usurped the kingdom of Norway, because I could. Adalgar doesn't waste any time.

Waging war for Slesvig, had a son, Sigbert, had him baptized by the Pope, slept with his 52 year old vassal. Adalgar is 17.

By signing a non-aggression pact with a pagan, Adalgar got himself excommunicated, less than a year after the Pope baptized his son.

In order to have it lifted, our lustful 18 year old has to declare himself celibate.

Then he rushed into a duel, lost, and lost the war for Slesvig. Don't let teenagers run your country.

Oh dear, Poland has declared war and now a Duke of Lorraine has too.

Adalgar is stressed and depressed, no wonder really.

Oh no, now his lover died too. I guess with Adalgar being forced into celibacy, it's just as well.

Wait, if Adalgar was forced to become celibate against his will, does that make him... an incel?

Oh dear oh dear, Adalgar died of severe stress at 19. Live fast etc I guess.

It's 1155 in #MajaPlaysCK2 and I'm playing as Sigbert, 2. Gods help us all.

Having agreed to let our mother marry the king of England, we now have an alliance with them.

I'm slightly worried that Europe seems to be mainly France or Pictland at the moment.

It also seems like a large number of my dynasty belong to a secret society. Well, Satanist Agnes' blood runs in our veins I guess.

Helping England win a war, feels strange to be the saviour this time.

Welp, of course we keep getting dragged into England's wars now.

Also, I've just discovered that Queen Hermelinda 'the Hammer' of Nubia is a relative of mine. She's the great granddaughter of Queen Othelindis, who herself was the granddaughter of Satanist Agnes.

Alas, I have no one to marry into her court.

At age 15, Sigbert has burned so many apostates that he's known as The Cleansing Flame.

Since he holds three kingdoms, there's actually a small chance we may be able to do a great thing: create an empire.

It requires saving up a lot of money and prestige, but it's within our grasp.

Sigbert just hit adulthood at 16 and married a Slovien genius. That will have to be it for tonight.

I have a confession to make: I played for a bit yesterday without reporting to #MajaPlaysCK2. :O
Basically I was a) tired and b) not planning anything big.

A recap: I played as Sigbert 'the Cleansing Flame' whose main hobbies included burning heretics, producing children (final count: 8) and, because he was the king of Saxony, beating down usurpers.

My main goal for Sigbert was to amass the money (1000 gold) and prestige (8000 prestige points) needed for him to turn his kingdoms of Saxony, Denmark and Norway into an empire. It went pretty well - until someone poisoned Sigbert's drink and killed him at 32.

I'm now playing as his son Wulff, 16, who's very smart and diplomatic and rather weak in martial skills. Prestige doesn't carry over from person to person, so while Sigbert died with over 4000, Wulff only has just over 1200.

The main problem in Europe right now is how powerful France is. The queen of France not only has most of what is modern day France, but is also suzerain of what used to be Germany, south of Saxony, and, annoyingly, Slesvig and another county that used to be in Saxony.

Those two areas are a duchy held by Radegund's Cool Sister Margarete, who probably agreed to become part of France during Sigbert's war for Slesvig. Oops.

The rulers of France, btw, are a Finno-Ugric dynasty.

So, it's 1187, I have coffee and snacks, and my goals are, in order of immediacy:
- get Wulff crowned king
- don't get eaten by France if avoidable
- get that empire built

Oh yes, King Wulff is Shrewd, Homosexual, Patient, Zealous and Lustful. His court physician just approached him and asked if he needs any help producing heirs (mind you, Wulff is still 16).

I'll be honest, when I got the event where you can choose if your character is gay or not, I went for it partly because this guy has seven younger siblings and will not lack heirs. Also, be gay, do royal crimes.

Here's Wulff and Europe as it looks now. #MajaPlaysCK2

Weimar is its own little kingdom right now, apparently ruled by a member of our dynasty. Went in to check, and he's the son of a guy called King Greger 'Son of Satan' of Novgorod. Ah, the satanist side of the family.

The Theodericing dynasty is pretty big, with 83 living members and a whole bunch of relatives who have been married into other dynasties. The Theodericings have been good at producing babies and getting them to adulthood.

A vassal just threatened war if we don't change succession to Gavelkind. Our succession law is currently Gavelkind.

(My guess is they want elective gavelkind, not hereditary)

Just agreed to that, because our armies are tiny.

Fun fact: nothing changed. Our vassal just pissed us off by threatening violence unless we had the succession law we already have. Dude, you're clearly bad at research as well as rude.

I have a lot of room in my court. Should I just invite all the gay people who want to join my court to do so? I think yes.

Done. The gayest court in the world. (I didn't invite *every* gay person, but about ten).

Ah yes, Wulff is already sleeping with one of his new courtiers. He does also have a son now, Warin.

Slesvig now belongs to Sicily? Ok then.

A small Norwegian county, Førde, was independent and technically part of a Saxon duchy, so we went and grabbed it.

One of my kinsmen was slain by a Mayor Gargamel.

Oh dear, I had a completely useless brother, 0 in every stat. Sent him to join a holy order, just found out he was immediately burned at the stake by the grandmaster of the order.

Oh no! King Wulff died of severe stress at 33. Worst of all, I lost the kingdom of Norway, which means my empire dreams have suffered a major setback.

It's 1205 in #MajaPlaysCK2. The new ruler of Saxony is Warin, 14. Clubfooted, playful, brooding and slothful.

And Norway has declared itself independent. Well. There'll be some war I think.

Oh. Hm. I'm just seeing that Warin is the current heir to the kingdom of Norway, held by his 6yo brother Sigbert II. And Warin's speciality is Intrigue, which means sneaky murder. [steeples fingers]

Oh no, the Duke of Uppland has declared war.

Fighting so many wars, and now my court chaplain has arrived with an apostate for burning: my own mother.

Just threw her in the dungeon instead. Good grief, mum.