Every few weeks I check to make sure this house is still on the market in Newcastle.
Something here for everyone.
Something here for everyone.
Every room has so much going on. In the bear's bedroom: anime bikini wallpaper??? A crystal solar system light? Metal flowers??
The pool table room is called "Billy's Bar".
There are chandeliers *in* the curtains. The curtains are tied back with door handles.
Behind the sofa - as you find in everyone's home bar - there is... a swimming pool.
There are chandeliers *in* the curtains. The curtains are tied back with door handles.
Behind the sofa - as you find in everyone's home bar - there is... a swimming pool.
In the pool area, beneath the kind of ceiling tiles you find in run down state schools, 2 statues guard a 1980s exercise bike & treadmill. Another sofa with 'love' & 'home' cushions sits beneath a painting of... the Titanic? A table football table protects a mural of... Atlantis?
The dining area is a change of scenery. Here 4 mirrors make sure every diner can watch themselves eat from every angle. Each chair features either Medusa, or Liono from Thundercats (can't tell which). A huge chandelier hangs from the UPVC conservatory-style roof.
A set of French windows lead through from Billy's Bar to living room 1. There's only a single chandelier in here, and just 1 Greek column - a more relaxed affair. A large lamp hides what seems to be a portrait of Clint Howard.
Living room 2 is more austere.
A portrait of a young Vladimir Putin with a bouquet of poppies adds a light touch. A range of dancing figurines protect a set of umbrellas on the mantelpiece.
A portrait of a young Vladimir Putin with a bouquet of poppies adds a light touch. A range of dancing figurines protect a set of umbrellas on the mantelpiece.
In the hallway, beneath a more subtle chandelier, if the imperial guard doesn't get you, the magic eye carpet might.
Bedroom 1 is a bit of a disappointment, with only a single chandelier between the room's 9 mirrors.
Bedroom 2 is like an MC Escher drawing, with so many patterns it's hard to figure out what is wall and what is furniture. A strange awning hangs over the bed - perhaps designed for a mosquito net to attach... in Newcastle. A headless Oktoberfest barmaid watches over you.
Only 3 mirrors and a single paultry chandelier in the master bathroom, but that's made up for with a walled jacuzzi designed by someone more used to crafting props for David Blaine.
Outdoors sadly only has 6 sets of French doors, but at least there are 12 seats, a double lamppost, and an rare outside mirror.
Anyway, I've said enough. If your name is "Billy", and you fancy spending £850k on a North Shields version of Tony Montana's mansion, this is the place: rightmove.co.uk/s6p/63194592
Small update: It seems the wallpaper in the bear's bedroom is this. In French, it says:
I don't have cable.
My bedside book is you! You!
My universe is yours!
This little wolf, he's mine.
But, I like so much winter.
Sales soon!
(It's B&Q: Perhaps explains the 'sales' line)
I don't have cable.
My bedside book is you! You!
My universe is yours!
This little wolf, he's mine.
But, I like so much winter.
Sales soon!
(It's B&Q: Perhaps explains the 'sales' line)
