Thread by @sindivanzyl

I'm going to do a thread about this cake. If after this thread, you still continue to eat this cake at least you're making an informed decision.

This cake is eaten to "help" with the relief of mild to moderate pain caused by headaches, toothache, colds and flu.
It has other "uses" such as curing hangovers, alleviating period pain, relieving toothache and stress.
Ingredients of the cake: aspirin, paracetamol and caffeine

1. What is aspirin?
Aspirin is acetylsalicylic acid. It is an NSAID Non Steroidal Anti Inflammatory Drug.
It is used to treat pain, fever, or inflammation.
Aspirin is also an antiplatelet.
It prevents blood from clotting in arteries.

2. What is paracetamol?
Paracetamol aka acetaminophen is a pain reliever and a fever reducer.
It is typically used for mild to moderate pain.
If taken at the correct dose and frequency it works very well for headaches.

3. What is caffeine?
Caffeine is a natural stimulant of the CNS Central Nervous System.
It is most commonly found in tea, coffee, chocolates, energy drinks and soft drinks.
Caffeine increases alertness and gives a temporary energy boost.
It is the world's commonest drug

Each of the three ingredients has its uses. Separately.
The baking of the three ingredients into the cake is the problem.
How do you eat cake that relieves your pain, then worsens your pain and thins your blood at the same time?
PS the cake is addictive

The addiction to the cake is gradual.
Initially, one slice suffices. The pain is relieved. However, when the pain returns it is slightly worse than before. We call this "rebound" .
Two slices of cake are needed to fix rebound pain. Then three slices ... then four slices ... etc

One day you wake up and you're eating a slice of cake every hour. You keep slices of the cake nearby - in your handbag, in your cubby hole, in your purse, in your office. You always have a slice of cake on stand-by. If you haven't eaten cake, you're a wreck

What you don't know is that the aspirin is doing its job as an antiplatelet. Your blood is thinning.
What you don't know is that the cake is starting to irritate your stomach lining. There is only so much cake one can eat before it has a negative effect

Some days the cake slices aren't enough. You've realised that if you down a 2l of cola with the cake you feel really good. Really good. That becomes a daily routine within no time. In the meantime, the rebound pain continues to worsen

One day you wake up feeling unwell. You've been battling stomach problems. You don't enjoy hot food any longer. Something is amiss. The rebound pain has become unbearable. You're eating cake slices every 30 minutes on the very bad days

You decide to slide into Dr Sindi's DMs and you tell her what is happening. You describe your symptoms. Her first question is "how much cake are you eating daily?" You've lost count. 10 slices? Sometimes 15? You're not sure

Dr Sindi advises that you immediately go to the nearest casualty. By the time you get to casualty, you're bent over in pain. The casualty officers can see that you're not well and triage you to the front of the queue. They ask you a few questions and give each other knowing looks

You tell them that you need to vomit. The words have barely left your mouth when you vomit a copious amount of blood onto the casualty floor. The casualty comes alive. The surgical registrar is paged. You continue to vomit blood onto the floor. Everyone is running around for you

Theatre is called. The surgical registrar is Barking orders. "Theatre NOW!" Drip sets are going up. An intern is running to the blood bank. Your clothes are being cut off your body. Everyone is running around for you

You continue to vomit. And vomit. And vomit.
And vomi ... and vom ... and vo ... and v ...
You're gone. We couldn't save you.
M+M meeting. Surgical registrar presents your case.
"Prof it was a perforated ulcer. Caused by that cake. We tried everything. Bled out in theatre"

The cake comes with a disclaimer.
You are advised not to eat it for more than 10 days without consulting your physician.
How do you advise someone to eat a highly addictive cake for no longer than 10 days?
By the time the 10 days is up, you're addicted.
Physician for who?

The cake is available everywhere.
Kudos to the bakery that bakes this cake.
Who has billboards around Soweto promoting cake?
Who has branded spazas all over Alexandra promoting cake?
Who has emotional radio adverts reminding you how your Mkhulu at cake?

17 November 2017.
I have risked it all for you with this thread.
I shall never ever tweet about this cake again.
I have been tweeting about it since I joined Twitter in 2011.
I'm done.
Whoever has ears ...