Thread by @The_War_Economy

(1) 2017.

(2) Let's take some time out and look back at our winners and losers of 2017, shall we?

(3) Donald Trump started the year as the President-elect, preparing for his inauguration as President of the United States, while also dealing with the dossier's sudden existence, and reducing Meryl Streep to a talking point.

(4) He ended the year as President of the United States, rendering the Deep State, the Clinton Cabal, the mainstream media and the Resistance as completely pointless.

(5) Kathy Griffin was preparing herself for a comedy tour, ready to mock the A-list celebrities that all inexplicitly have foundations dedicated to some cause or another while, of course, talking Trump.

(6) She then did a photo shoot and became a propaganda artist for the Islamic State, apologised for this, blamed Trump, then took the apology back.

(7) Kathy Griffin ended the year unemployed, unemployable, blacklisted and on Interpol's watch list.

(8) The National Football League was preparing for the Super Bowl in February, while dealing with some falling ratings. They had a rule for the Super Bowl: No Trump and no Goodell talk.

(9) Then players and managers decided to start taking a knee - bending the knee to the President in a show of... defiance or something. Nobody really knows.

(10) They ended the year with empty seats and low ratings. But, hey, Roger Goodell got a sweet contract extension, so he must be doing a great job!

(11) Colin Kaepernick started the year unemployed, but still somehow getting awards for courage. Apparently the claim that he was dividing the locker room with anthem protests was proven wrong.

(12) This was technically true. Instead of dividing the locker room, Kaepernick completely divided the United States and made people hate the NFL with a passion.

(13) He ended the year unemployed, creating his own conspiracy theory that his views - which had sunk NFL ratings beyond belief across the year - were keeping him from being hired. He still got showered with awards though, for... some reason.

(14) Jim Acosta started his year as the White House correspondent for CNN, only for President-elect Trump to make him the Face of Fake News.

(15) Jim ended the year as Fake News, unable to comprehend the idea that CNN is a complete joke of an organisation and that Acosta himself is a joke of a person, on the verge of being banned from future pressers.

(16) Stephen Colbert started off the year waving goodbye to former President Obama, singing songs with Billy Joel and ready to host the Emmys, while enjoying a boost in the ratings.

(17) Then Colbert went Completely. Fucking. Insane.

(18) He ends the year still a late night talk show host. To be fair to him, he didn't cry once. We'll also always remember him in his best role: Phil Ken Sebben.

(19) Jimmy Kimmel started the year vowing to mine the Trump Presidency for laughs and to entertain, while also visiting Sesame Street and preparing to host the Oscars.

(20) Instead he burst into tears, used his own kid for political points, and briefly became America's moral conscience before deciding he wasn't that at all when he decided to defend Harvey Weinstein in a show of solidarity with women.

(21) He ended the year with his son having gone through a successful heart surgery, which is great!

He then used his kid as a political chess piece again, re-confirming his stance as being the opposite of America's conscience.

He ends the year a hypocrite.

(22) Eminem started the year talking about Kendrick Lamar and generally keeping himself to himself, probably working on an album. He did standard rap things at the start. It looked as if his orange rhyming skills - which would be useful in the future - began here.

(23) Eminem then revealed himself to be pure Establishment, a puppet for the Democratic Party, and an absolutely terrible rapper who became a meme instantly at his own expense.

The fact that CNN literally linked to the lyrics of "The Storm" should tell you enough.

(24) This is an animation of literal lyrics from his terrible "rap", if you can call it that. Note the CNN watermark.

(25) Eminem then decided that wasn't enough and became a creepy stalker to Trump, desperately vying for his attention while accidentally revealing that he used Grindr for dates. Also, his album is terrible.

He ended 2017 as a complete loser.

(26) Bob Corker started out the year as a Senator of Tennessee, and a Never Trumper, stating that Trump should not repeal Obamacare, that his immigration plans were poor, and that Trump will keep the Iran Deal.

He did, however, say the Russia investigation was pointless.

(27) He ended the year with a decertified Iran Deal, a repealed Obamacare, with no job.

He did, however, have an epiphany that fake news does indeed exist.

(28) Jeff Flake started the year as a Senator for Arizona and as a massive Never Trumper. He laughed at Trump's wall, open to investigating Trump-Russia, was against the travel ban and was completely out of touch with reality.

(29) He ended the year on the verge of being unemployed, donating to the Democratic Party, with wall prototypes already built.

He did, however, help a lot during the Congressional baseball shooting.

He ends the year with a D- minus of this.

(30) The Federal Bureau of Investigation started off the year as being the bane of the Democrats, blamed for being the cause of Hillary's election loss. Comey was the Director.

(31) The year ended with the FBI under the watch of Christopher Wray, and now the absolute 100% bastion of Truth, Justice and the American Way to The Resistance hoping for any method possible to remove Trump.

To everybody else, the FBI tried to rig an election and failed.

(32) CNN started the year at least SOMEWHAT reputable, albeit on INCREDIBLY shaky grounds as is, when Acosta became the Face of Fake News as explained before.

(33) Then the fake news train came crashing in, snowballing in effect until CNN was reduced to doxxing a random person for a wrestling gif - and not even the right person.

(34) CNN ended the year by falling apart at the word "boobs", reporting on 12 Diet Cokes, hiding in the bushes like a crazed stalker, and having their journalistic careers get unceremoniously ended by a white truck blocking their path.

*blocks your path*

(35) Hillary Clinton started off the year pretty badly - her rival became President right in front of her face, and she had to sit there and accept it. She started Onward Together to rile up The Resistance though.

(36) Hillary ended the year a free woman, albeit with an impossible-to-heal broken toe, getting booed and called a fascist in the United Kingdom of all places, the Clinton Global Initiative shutting down, and people finally believing Juanita Broaddrick about Bill.

(37) Alec Baldwin, explosive anger extraordinaire, started the year sticking it to Trump by... pretending to be him, albeit terribly. He also decided that New York should be protected from Trump at all costs, flying head first into The Resistance.

(38) Alec Baldwin ends the year as Donald Trump, ready to take his act to broadway!

Imagine hating somebody so much you literally BECOME them.

He ends the year having gone through an identity crisis.

(39) Chelsea Handler started the year by blaming the election on the Kardashians (blaming women) and mocking Melania's accent (insulting immigrants), which landed her a leading position in the Women's March.

(40) Chelsea ended the year unemployed, attacking women for their looks and having her house potentially burning down while blaming Trump for nature.

She did, however, donate $1 million to Puerto Rico.

She also gets a D- for trying to stay relevant.

(41) Michael Moore started the year by protesting loudly and repeatedly, and not actually doing a single documentary or learning anything along the way. He did have a plan: resist and go on BROADWAY.

(42) Michael ended the year with a broadway that failed to make money, his documentary wrapped up in a legal battle because it is owned by the WEINSTEINS, with no knowledge of what fascism actually is. And Trump is still President.