Thread by @Pinche_Pi

Live-Drunk-Ragetweet of SOTU will begin shortly, Xanax is in your drinkholders, and the wine will flow like the salmon of Capistrano

Disclaimer:

There will be curses
There will be typos
I can't guarantee coherency
I reserve the right to be easily distracted
No flash photography

Oh Gawd! The first shot is Betsy DeVos smiling like a ponzi schemer looking for bears as she plods down the aisles....

Not an auspicious start 😒

I spot a Keebler Elf!

I wonder if he is distributing weed cookies

Hi Jeff....where'd he go? Oh yah, a child walked in front of him

Can't see him anymore

Here we go....the Russian President of the United States!

Close shot of Melania

She claps like Trump speaks....slow and sloppy

Why does the SS guy in the aisle look like Carter Page without @carterpageshat?

This is the quietest round of applause I think I've ever seen for a SOTU

..|.. Donny

Melania looks like she wants to kill her husband with a Forbes

Mike Pence looks like he needs to adjust his buttplug
H/t @dark_wisdom_

Very swift action: to contact Putin and make America Russia again

Fuck off dildo

On message for the first minute

Six bucks and my left nut says he goes rogue at the 10 minute mark

Obligatory military guest shoutout

Thank you to the brave people of California? Yeah, but we hate you

Fuck off!

There we are, first shoutout to a racist, thank you Scalise

Was that the first sniff?

Not sure who that is in the audence with the amazing bowtie, but it's glorious!

We come to the economic fluff portion of the evening

Thanks Obama!

Sidenote: McConnell almost cracked a smile about the tax plan...almost

His skin did turn sideways....progress

Ooooooh....a closeup of the Money Laundering traitor tots

Who had the 23 minute mark in the Obamacare mention pool?

Shit, I had 14

Heavy sniff #2, followed quickly by #3

He's already winded! 😂😂😂😂

*239lbs 😉

Personal aside: this isn't an anti-Trump moment per se, I hated it when Obama and Bush and Clinton did too

Highlighting guests stories in the SOTU is fucking lame

Yay! Let's highlight 2 companies that expanded while a massive shutdown of stores across the board has happened

Fuck me...

Oh jeezuz....the great uniter bullshit

You are a walking division you piece of Russia stained shit!

Police, veterans....agreed

What about the FBI fucknuts?

Shoutout to @SaysDana local, good kid, great work son

Still....fuck Trump

See above for this pandering bullshit that all do and I abhore

Now is thr time when Americans should kneel

😂

Loading the courts with fuckwits? ✔
Totes defending 2a y'all ✔
Religious rubes, theocracy y'all! ✔

Great Journey....

Great respect...

I don't think it means what he thinks it means

Beautiful

Clean

Coal

Which does not exist

Anyone else notice in the pause for applause the Hitler raise of chin and bask in glory Trump's showing?

Just me?

Sidenote: I think my wineglass has a hole in it

Also Trump is full of shit in case you have forgotten

This wealth gobbledy gook

WTF des any of that mean?

Oh yeah, nothing....sorry

You notice it too don't you?

He's basking and raisimg his chin!

Maybe it's just me, but there was 7 years of massive applause between points with Obama

I only hear and see mild clapping, even from the right side of the aisle

Oooof...

Chin raise, posture, mild claps

Even with a prepared speech, he's not good

He needs to go off script, it's his only strong suit...no joke

Pence is popping up and down so enthusiastically, it's clear he chose the correct buttplug

Don't tell Mother Mikey!

Oooof....closeup of Sessions

i think he has Scabies 😳

Thanks for using this families tragedy to get applause you fuckwit

They have true pain, you use it to fuck over innocent immigrants

Fuck. Right. Off.

On a positive note, the family got more applause than Donnie Dipshit did

Major Sniff #4

Fuck your ICE Jackboot reincarnation of the SS you fuck!

Your greatest compassion?

You don't possess any

Hand across the aisle?
Pretend caring?

I call bullshit

Chin up/bask

Every goddamn pause

Good job Hitler

Reinforce ICE?

Fuck that!

They aren't what CJ joined 15 years ago, they used to protect us, now they assault innocents

Let's be clear: DT doesn't give a fuck about immigrants or good people

He wants to convert ICE into his own Brownshirts

Oh, hey, here we go

More border bullshit, let's use ICe like CJ. You got played son

We need a merit based President

Trump fails all of his immigrant qualifications

Sad fucko

Oeeeere secueerity

He's starting to slur

LOL, 3 republicans stood for the immigration talkimg Point 😂😂

Fuck off douche

Get what job done Donnie?

Russian Sanctions or nah?

Chinup Donnie should look to weed to help with the opioid crisis, but Damn you Keebler Elf!

Still waiting on the first "Fake News"

Showing restraint...shocked

Melania clap more for others than hubby

You no happy? 😂😂

Rivals like China and Russia 😂😂

Jeezuz Christ Donnie, you are lockstep with both. You are laundering money for both and in business with both

Wife just got home from work, said OH FUCK THIS SHIT seeing Trump on the TV, and stormed into the bedroom

/happilymarried

Aside from the Hitler chinlift all night, anyone else notice more than half of tRUmps speech has been focused, not.on his shit policy or accomplishments, but on guest distractions?

I've never seen so many highlighted in a SOTU.

He. Has. Nothing. 😂

I'm peeing again

Yes, the inside of the toilet bowl IS more informative, thanks for asking!

Also less shitty

Endless War! Hooray!

Thanks Donald

Jeezuz, should pee again

He can't say nuclear 😂😂

Woot! Another deep sniff!

While Donnie pretends to give a shit about NK, I can't help but think his hair wants to defect to the kinder regime with Kim Jung Un

Fuck me sideways, can he go 5 minutes without going to a sympathetic audience guest?

Fuck off @realDonaldTrump

Answer: No

That was 20 seconds to the next one

Oh for fucks sakes

Making this a religious hook?

Christians Christians dogwhistle dogwhistle base base

He's an inspiration that has NOTHING to do with Trump

We're in the closing blah blah blah portion of the evening

*whispers* Trump had no idea any of this history before reading it at this moment

FFS....chantimg USA? Nice soccer rally Donnie /bleh

While we close, I'd like to point out, Pence looks satsfied sittimg on hos plug, Ryan has mastered the blank adoring stare, and Donald can't wait to finish to do more blow

Chinup Hitler in effect

Pivot achieved MSM!

Today, is the day, the Donald became dictator

Once again, I'd like to emphasize this...applause ended abruptly 5 seconds after speech over

I have never seen less clapping from the President's side of the aisle

That was weak support

Final feelings:

He isn't inspiring, he is an embarrassment, and he will be impeached. He didn't propose new idea. Most of the speech was rah rah bullshit.

Hitler chinup, bask in weak applause, sad!

Also: Melania really hates him 😂

P.S.

Following along with a set speech doesn't change the Mueller investigation or Trump's conspiracy with Russia, his criminality involving money laundering, child trafficking, or sexual assault

We have this Patriots 😘

/endragetweeta