Thread by @owillis

The political journalist walked down the steps of the basement of Steve Bannon's home. Unlike the rest of the house, which was conventional in design, there were a lot of dragon posters down here. In the background, there was the sound of a Gwar/Slayer playlist unspooling.

"Greetings, friend. How many in your party."
"Uh, Steve, I'm from Bloomberg? I'm here for the profile?"
"Your solo party mysteriously awakens outside the village of Neverwinter. You have a crossbow but your memory is hazy."
"Steve I wanted to talk about the Trump campaign?"

"You see in the distance an elf"
"Wow, Steve?"
"I said, you see an elf in the distance"
"Shit, Steve I wanted to talk about how you won Pennsylvania"
"IN THE DISTANCE, THERE IS AN ELF"
"Oh Jesus, okay, um, I guess I talk to the elf?"
"The elf regales you with a tale..."

Bannon explained how the "elf" was mysteriously taken from its village and dragged to "Trumpelia Tower" where the "Trumpomancer" revealed to the elf "the darkest of secrets about the universe."

Looking up, Bannon's thick eyes stared at the reporter. "Do you, like get it?"

"So, the elf is you?"
"Suddenly, the elf becomes an all-powerful orc and he has way too much responsibility! He's an elf, he's not a fucking orc, and the entire goddamn village is terrified of the sorceror who runs it all"
The reporter scribbled it all down, furiously.

Hours later, Bannon was still talking.

"And then the Trumpomancer won't learn his fucking lines and he's just watching the magical broadcasts from Fox fucking News all day and the entire goddamn kingdom is on a knife's edge..."

"Do you, like, get it?" Bannon asked.
The reporter nodded.
Bannon reached into his leather satchel and produced a pair of dice.
"Now, man, roll."