It's only been a week, but I've already started to realise just how badly even mildly toxic work environments can drag one down over 3 years.
I'm proud that I was able to shield that toxicity from my team, but that meant I was the one absorbing all of it.
Just a little bit here, an offhand comment there, a dismissal of my skills on that day, and a lack of support from managers on another. Little things.
Just a little bit here, an offhand comment there, a dismissal of my skills on that day, and a lack of support from managers on another. Little things.
While it was happening, it was "Just another day", nothing big to report, no one was upset, no arguments (there _were_ those days, of course, but they were rare), it wasn't remarkable.
Except that I would be grumpy with my family. And I would start to doubt my own skills (thankfully not until right at the end ). And I struggled to think of good things at work outside of my immediate team (who I hired and trained and grew)
For context: I grew the FE team from me + 1, to 29 full time devs, plus ~5-6 other contributors to FE across the business when I left 3 years later.
In that time, I put in place the structure, training, guidelines, and tools needed for such a large team across many products.
In that time, I put in place the structure, training, guidelines, and tools needed for such a large team across many products.
I also architected & helped build (with the amazing @bassjacob @nickmatenaar + others) a company-wide platform which greatly increased the productivity of FE on individual product teams, freeing them to concentrate on building great products without all the overhead of modern FE.
And today, I can't recall a time when my manager, or later, the CTO, even said "good work". Not even a "That was a complex problem and you solved it." (To be fair; I'm not sure if my memory's failing me, or it wasn't said)
But what I do clearly remember is being told all the ways my solution could fail. All the ways it was a problem, and how it would cause issues. Rarely was an alternative solution proposed, or constructive feedback received (but it was, from one or two people I will miss greatly)
The reality; the tools we built were used in production successfully for 2.5yrs, and the platform we built was used in production for >1yr.
In both cases: zero production issues occured due to these, meanwhile, they continued to enable new products and features at a rapid pace.
In both cases: zero production issues occured due to these, meanwhile, they continued to enable new products and features at a rapid pace.
I will really miss the people who made solving the engineering challenges a delight.
I'll look back fondly on being given the opportunity to make a difference, and then succeeding in making that difference.
I'll look back fondly on being given the opportunity to make a difference, and then succeeding in making that difference.
That's a brief look at my story.
I hope it serves as an example of how burnout can sneak up on you, and can be insidious from places you may not realise until it's way too late.
Look after yourselves out there, and try surround yourself with positive people wherever possible ❤️
I hope it serves as an example of how burnout can sneak up on you, and can be insidious from places you may not realise until it's way too late.
Look after yourselves out there, and try surround yourself with positive people wherever possible ❤️
