Thread by @brandycooklyn

FUN FACT:

I was a sex worker from the ages of 19 til about 21, and then kept solely regular clients for about a year or so afterwards. Few know this. I stopped because I felt like I wasn't able to handle the work; my self-worth and capacity to perform was shot at the time.

I've done porn since then, but otherwise all I do now is photograph sex workers for their advertising. I have refrained from commenting or writing on FOSTA/SESTA issues because as someone who's no longer a worker, it hasn't felt like my place.

BUT I GOTTA SAY, Y'ALL.

Reading that Julie Bindel piece on how "the inside of a woman's body is not a workplace", and the largely wh*rephobic commentary on sex work somehow equating to stripped dignity and loose morals. These are people who have no idea what the industry is really like.

There's the overarching falsity that only women work in the industry, and it's a lot of the drive behind the dialogue that workers are ~poor, sad and hard-done-by, doing things against their will with no notion of consent~.

1) How misogynistic - and ergo ironic - to reduce a woman to shreds of dignity and incapacitation. It's almost as if your narrative around "sex work = trafficking" only works if the people you're referring to are universally unaware of their own violation.

Which isn't true, and workers who are working willingly and happy to work exist, contrary to the mythos. We call this narrative a "false consciousness" - 101: If people are okay with their job (and it IS a job), erase their dignity and lived experience by pretending they are ill.

You can't argue about whether or not sex work is work or if it entirely comprises trafficking, if opponents of the industry brush you off by pretending your perception of reality is distorted. Quote @mel_winters1234, "The semen is clogging our brains! We can't think straight!"

2) It's not only women who work in the industry. I shouldn't have to say this. But pro-abolitionists and FOSTA/SESTA/Nordic model types don't care about facts; it doesn't fit the narrative. Men are proponents of patriarchal hurt; always, universally.

So what the fuck was I, then? A devious militant for the grand machine?
If I speak up in favour of sex work without criminalisation, I'm accused of at best being part of the "pimp lobby" - pro-oppression - and at worst, endorsing their rape. When I'm talking about my rights too.

3) If you think the workers are "poor, sad, hard done by", you should meet some of my olden-day clients. Not that they're all like this (and I'd never pretend a client OR a worker lacked integrity or agency), but some of them definitely challenge ideas about what a "john" is.

The "inside of [a body] is not a workplace" notion runs pretty thin when I consider the number of times I helped guys - older guys, or differently-abled guys civilian men might deem unflattering - feel comfortable in their own skin without so much as *sticking it in anyone*.

I never felt abused when a married man wanted to give me a massage because he longed for the touch of another man, to feel another man, be close to another man. My dignity was intact as I got a differently-abled man off who had never felt worthy of feeling that kind of intimacy.

And on the chance I did end up copping a hard one in a special place: I wasn't suddenly being colonised by workers (because condoms, but also... the narrative, guys, the narrative) invading my body. I was being fucked. I enjoyed it. Workplace satisfaction? No fucking worries.

It's easy to say that sex workers lack dignity because they occasionally let themselves be fucked by strangers for money.
But do consider the number of times you've let yourselves do that for free, with men who later made you want to vomit with rage on your own shoes.

I can solidly say I felt a lot more violated by the literal rapist who fucked me - for no money at all, and no awareness that I was a sex worker - without my consent, than I did any of the wonderful, respectful men I engaged with for-profit, who just wanted a new experience.

That incident being the reason I stopped. My self-worth was shot as I'd been violated off-hours. But my self-worth never felt higher receiving goods and services that I excelled at for money. If you need to stretch credulity to fashion what "violation" is, it's probably not that.

This has become a slightly more personal tangent than I might have liked, but I'll get to the damn point.

- Sex work is work. Our bodies aren't workplaces; they're available for a well-balanced blend of performance and intimacy. The kind you get with your therapist. Plus dicks.

- The idea that workers are fragile flowers incapable of consent is inherently misogynistic and erases the lived experience of workers - mainly women - who work, are happy to work, and working willingly, enjoying the fruits of their masterful labour.

- Our clients aren't monsters or looking to fuck with us. Most of them just want a nice time. Of course, bad and dodgy clients exist - but subjecting sex work to the same regulations as any other job mean they'd be dealt with like a person acting a violent fool at McDonalds.

- My ass, hands and words have given many men a nice time. I'll probably reacquire provider status soon, now that my self-worth and capacity for the job is up to scratch.

I'd hope at that time, my country can keep me safe, as they would any other person working any other job.

It's going to be hard for me to re-enter the industry as a service provider with the public profile I'm slowly developing, but I do hope that being transparent means the people I see who *do* connect the dots (and old clients have come forward since I started writing) don't care.

Either way, I'd like to think I am capable enough to handle the necessary distinction between my work persona and my writer persona. Sex work offers and provides the confidence to enforce that difference.
I've enjoyed, and will regain enjoyment of, doing it.

Right on. 😎🤘

P.S.

Trafficking is real! Sex workers would love to talk to you about how to tackle it.

But we can't if you're ogling us like we have two heads, and like we want to force enslaved youths into small basements owned by some unsavoury individuals.
That ain't us.

Think about it!

P.P.S. This is solely my self-esteem talking, but I feel like as a result of gay porn a lot of people assume that gay men in the sex industry are all super-hot and ripped to high heaven.
I am obviously not. This is a myth. The actual sex part of the gig is surprisingly small.

P.P.P.S. This is getting some positive attention and I want to say I'm happy about it, and so glad to (thus far) not have been shamed for it.

This may shock the people who know me, but I do keep some things close to my chest. IT'S SUCH A RELIEF TO GET THIS OFF.

(haha... puns)

P.P.P.P.S: 👸 I'm freelance and this is doing GOOD so here's an updated professional writing folio because ~yolo~. Pay me to write about sex, sexuality, substance misuse and self-worth. I promise to never release a mixtape: brandycooklyn.blogspot.com.au

(Oh my god I'm sorry bye)