Thread by @tinkizee2

This is Northern Nigeria

Everybody be hypocritee
Everybody be double speak

This is Northern Nigeria
This Bazawara she must marry and remarry but not my son Auzubillah

This is Northern Nigeria
Where a thief is a saint don yana taimakawa jama ‘ansa

This is Northern Nigeria
Where a king is an idiot for standing up for his women and defending their humanity
This is Northern Nigeria

This is Northern Nigeria
Where a man is a useless politician if he doesn’t pray in public
He must impress us with his religion before we vote for him to steal

This is Northern Nigeria where my sister is dying of hunger and I am rocking Yves saint Laurent because I am the blessed one

This is Northern Nigeria
Who da hell do you think you are? Asking Baba Buhari questions he should answer why?
This is Northern Nigeria

This is Northern Nigeria
I don’t care about the killing and the rustling in Zamfara because Baba Buhari is my President

This is Northern Nigeria
I will steal from the IDPs and sell it at Monday Market while you trend a sexy hashtag
This is Northern Nigeria

This is Northern Nigeria
My mama lives in a mud house but I’m flying private now
This is Northern Nigeria

This is Northern Nigeria
That girl selling goro is corrupting our women but she still smiling to the bank u know

This is Northern Nigeria
Where we marry as many as four because God will provide for us Ameen

This is Northern Nigeria
I will have as many babies as I want without regard for their welfare because Allah that created them will not starve them
Bakin da ya tsaga na

This is Northern Nigeria
My kids are in London and Paris to study engineering Na
Your kids should stay in Lano and learn mechanic na

Kano*

This is Northern Nigeria
Politicians will fight in public and dine in private but we gonna burn and kill each other for their approval na
This is Northern Nigeria

This is Northern Nigeria
We get high off codeine and tranquil cos easier than saying the things we are facing na
Politicians buy it for us and our pimps ensure we always off the ground

This is Northern Nigeria
I am worried about free mixing of the sexes but I will masturbate later

Tramadol*

This is Northern Nigeria
I know my religion but she will never leave this house for an education ma

This is Northern Nigeria
Hold who accountable? The leaders that God chose to govern us even though we rigged the election ma

This is Northern Nigeria
Yeah I treat my wives like trash because that’s what they are. Did you say my daughter ma? I will massacre the fly that looks her up and down ma

This is Northern Nigeria
Me ya hada ki da arna wai? These chongai people are less than is ma! They should shut it because that’s what a minority deserves ma

This is Northern Nigeria
You say it’s a sunnah ma? Well it is not in our culture to help her with my babies ma

This is Northern Nigeria
Yes I am a devout man ma but wallahi I like it when the little boy strokes my thighs ma

This is Northern Nigeria
I will spend all I have to throw my daughter a lavish wedding so I can brag about it later ma
After I finish gulping my Kayan mata to commandeer her father ma

This is Northern Nigeria
You all will be silent na. Don’t be stupid all is fine and well in our beautiful Arewa
Mu rufa asiri ma
This is Northern Nigeria

This is Northern Nigeria
We don’t want you talking now
We don’t want you talking about how young girls are molested by customers

This is Northern Nigeria
Don’t you tell these southern monkeys that our girls run to prostitution when we force them to marry the man they don’t want ma
This is Northern Nigeria

This is Northern Nigeria
My ancestors ma? They enslaved and oppressed the minorities but that ain’t none of my business ma
Traditions must continue ma
They will never be governor ma

This is Northern Nigeria
Will they issue the fatwa now? Or am I now a kafir because I said what you know?
This is Northern Nigeria
Allah will help us now

This is Northern Nigeria
Who cares about education ma
3 million votes is a feat only we can achieve ma