Thread by @blueunicornmoon

In this thread, I am going to share my thoughts on Killing Me Softly (2002, available on UK @NetflixUK atm) - as they occur to me. If you don't want to be spoilered, please mute this now.

I watch these films so you don’t have to.

Apparently the alps make you horny. Pictures of gorgeous snow covered mountains overlaid with scenes of rapture - but not *The Rapture*.

At this point, I’m reminded of the Twin Peaks intro - maybe this film is better than reported. It sports 1 star on Netflix.

This is promising, death!
Oh it got less thrilling. Now it is just prosaic.

Much sex with a man she shared a taxi with, stopping only to briefly consider the cat’s witnessing the event. Is this a clue to the story?

Oh. Well, fancy that, now sex with her partner sucks.

Woah! Brutal uncouth goldfish abuse!! This goldfish taken out of water involuntarily is not an acceptable metaphor for what humans experience on mountain tops which they climbed of their own accord.

Lol here we go... Sure, it starts with a bit of innocent pantyless frollocking & next thing it’s silk ropes, flagellators, ball gags & safe wordage.

Oh dear, dumped her lover & fled only to discover that Adam has a woman of his own. Oh no, thank god, it’s just his sister. And he’s been taking her to his sisters for their complex love based on... well, errr... sex...

There is more than a bit of Lynchiness about this.

Day 1 & she’s digging through his stuff. Ohhhh, she’s looking for a shirt. Why did I not realise this?

She’s off to work in a man’s dress up shirt & a weird leather mini. Not just your common or garden casual walk of shame then. This is the lesser spotted work of shame.

Unreasonably dramatic music for people climbing an indoor climbing wall & why is his sister doing some weird ass fondling of Alice’s plait? Is this a second clue?

As Alice is about to climb the wall, we are, as if by the magic of film, transported back to the very first sexual tryst.

Red handbags were all the rage in 2002! Both she & her friend who wants to know why she’s destroying her ex & her own life, have one.

SUDDENLY! A London mugging. Fortunately mountain man sees this & immediately springs to action! This mugger definitely chose the wrong victim.

Oh, killing muggers seems to bring out something special in mountain man! Exciting emphatic implor... well, he is very adamant they should marry. Tomorrow. After all, they have their private parts in common.

Ooooh secretive typed missives warning her. Multiple call hang ups.

Important! Mountain man has very strange folds in his earlobes. She’s clearly making a huge mistake marrying him.

Eurgh so cheesy. The cheese... omg, the cheese.

Hiking. On your wedding day. Especially when the dude just keeps leaving you behind. I lack the words to describe the suckage. Because he’s going to “make her strong”.

Ooh, and here’s the silk as predicted. And gasping. Erotic asphyxiation for you SMBD noobs. 2002 stylee!

Her best friend & her ex are making the beast with two backs. Is this salient? Is it important or significant?

His friends really love him. We can tell by how they all tackled him & causing him to abandon her. Then speeches. Apparently, she’s married all of them. Is this a clue? Lovely gift from the sister.

Turns out that maybe, he’s not the good guy he presents to her! Imagine that?!

Oh she’s upset him now by snooping. And now ropes & distrust. Mostly ropes. And mantrums. It looks like a butcher’s block.

Clearly “please untie me” is not the safe word. Oh, she escaped!

I don’t care any more. I call the sister as the murderer. I need a vodka.

Not sure why the sis & Alice have gone, in snow & ice to dig up a grave in the “family church” grounds.

Oh look, a body. In a grave. Not sure what that means. Oh look! Sis did it. And hot out of the gate, him, to rescue Alice.

Doesn’t explain his tying her to a butcher block.

Oh incest.

Honestly, who cares.

Whatever.

Don’t watch it. It’s shit. And it has aged dreadfully. Lynch could have made this way better. I miss Lynch.

@threadreaderapp unroll