Thread by @i_saritav

I'd like to tell a story relating to this thread. The church is good at protecting people; the church mostly protects the wrong people. It's institutional, it's social, it's horrifying to live through.

My mom serves on the Brighton Girls' Camp Committee. She serves with 1/

https://twitter.com/templebdparadox/status/1034618056541007872

a woman, D. During pre-camp training, she roomed with D at a weeklong stay to train the staff. Mom got to know D, about her now-adult kids (her youngest just went off to college) and lawyer husband. D has happily been marries for many years and has been very occupied with 2/

raising her children & attending to her husband's needs.

Near the end of the 9-week camp season, D told her friends on the committee, Mom included, that her lawyer husband announced that they're getting a divorce.

D was dumbfounded. No prior talk of trouble or concern 3/

had arisen. As Mom and one other friend (S) on the committee began to question D's observations about husband's possible motivations, D questioningly admitted he does have a close female friend that spends one on one time with, & insists it's unsupervised.

As time wears on, 4/

it becomes increasingly clear that D's husband has been planning this for years.

He served her papers 2 days after their youngest moved out.

D's husband used his phone account access to track her locations, texts, calls, and more.

When D acquired a burner phone, husband 5/

had her involuntarily committed to the psych ward for "not taking her medications" and "uncontrolled schizophrenia."

During the time that D was served papers until she was committed, she was unable to perform some of the normal functions or her calling at Brighton. Using this 6/

information + the relationship D's husband has with their Bishop, D's husband told their Bishop + the Brighton Committee Presidency that she can't serve in the calling and no one is allowed to speak to her.

He initiated personal contact after cutting her off from her support 7/

with the people who *were* that support to tell them how ~crazy~ she is & how she needs to be released from the calling.

My Mom and S are understandably very upset. S lives out of town, but Mom was able to speak to the Presidency.

The Brighton President says, "No, she just 8/

needs to be released because she has issues and can't handle this calling! We talked to the Bishop, we know what's going on! D's husband has talked to me personally!"

Mom replied, "I don't care that you talked to the Bishop. Its all an Old Boy's Club! D's Husband isn't honest 9/

about what's really going on here. I'm worried about manipulation. You really shouldn't release her, she needs this calling and us now more than ever."

President replies, "The Bishop has been friends with them for years and she's has problems for 12 years with mental illness /10

Mom replies, "Before his death, I lived with my mentally ill husband for 18 years. D doesn't act like an unstable mentally ill person."

President: "Well she got a little flaky on a few assignments the last week of camp. And we haven't even spent that much time with her! I'm 11/

in contact with her husband and I've talked to the Bishop!"

Mom replies, "That's the problem. I'm very worried about how emotional abuse has affected her. I spent a good amount of time with her, including counseling her on divorce until he cut us off. She doesn't act ill, 12/

she acts surprisingly rational and hopeful in spite of very tough circumstances. And her husband is doing everything to ice her out and control the situation."

President: "We don't know better than her Bishop, they've been friends for years & he agrees with D's husband, she 13/

has had mental problems for a long time. We haven't even spent time with her and she did make mistakes at the end of our season!"

This. This is how the church protects the WRONG people and refused to listen to women.

This is how abuse happens. When we shrug and say 'Their 14/

Bishop will handle it,' we ignore the really important possibility that an already patriarchally unbalanced situation is being fed into a system of patriarchal power that further unbalances situations of abuse.

Socially, culturally, and institutionally - the Mormon church is 15/

failing abused women by constantly protecting their abusers.

We play a game of best intent and what-aboutism for men in charge and in power and refuse to confront the real signs of abuse right under our noses.

We can't confront them because we refuse to even talk about it. 16/

We can't talk about it, we refuse to teach it, we won't acknowledge it.

I wonder if we are trying so hard to police silly things because we're afraid of confronting how far we've fallen from defending and protecting women left vulnerable - the widowed, the fatherless. Christ 17/

commanded us to respect and protect those left unprotected and left humiliated - do we not owe him that for his mighty sacrifice?

Being polite and thinking everyone means well is not Christlike. Christ was a radical man that made many in the church uncomfortable by who he 18/

chose to love.

How have you radically loved someone that no one else saw was being manipulated and harmed?

Have you ever challenged your bishop? Any other authority figure? Have you stuck your neck out or have you been a Pharisee?

/End.