Friendship is not transactional, libraries are vital and would be so even if authors didn’t make money from library books, which many of us do, and preordering/requesting books from libraries helps your sales because LIBRARIES HAVE TO BUY THEM. In conclusion, fuck this thread.
OK, I've calmed down a bit but I still have something to say about this, so: a small thread on writer friendships and guilt.
Even before you enter the great and giddy world of Writing In A Public And/Or Professional Capacity (because fanwriting and blogging count, and we're not always paid for our efforts), the chances are high that you, a writer, are friends with OTHER writers.
At first, you might only know one or two, but the longer you participate in a writing community of any kind, the more writers you'll end up counting among your friends. And of COURSE you want to support your friends, right?
Now, the best and most obvious way to do this is to Do The Thing: read the stuff your friends write, provide feedback if and when they ask for it, buy their books and promote their events. These are all awesome, kind, helpful things to do!
BUT.
BUT.
Time is, for each of us, a distressingly finite resource - as, far too often, for far too many people, is money. One book might be affordable, but what happens when you've got six friends with releases coming out in the same month?
Right now, I have a stack of about seven books on my bedside table written by people I call friends. I also have a book I need to read for review ASAP, a book I'm pleasure-reading but have had to backburner for the former, and multiple friend-written drafts needing feedback.
Beyond THAT, there's a *stack* of books I haven't yet bought whose authors are friends, or which are written by people I want to support, or which just sound really cool. But my time is finite: with the best will in the world, I *physically cannot buy and read all of them*.
Do I occasionally feel a bit sad that this friend or that hasn't read my stuff? Of course I do! That's *human*. But do I think that makes them bad friends or bad people? HELL THE FUCK NO.
There is also - and I know this is a delicate topic, but it's a blunt reality - the fact that sometimes, a friend writes a thing that you don't really like for whatever reason. How we handle that varies from person to person. But:
Speaking personally, as bummed as I might feel in the moment to think a friend didn't like a work of mine, I would much prefer to trust that the opinion they share about my writing - IF they share one at all - is their *honest* opinion, not a rote soundbite given from obligation.
A few years ago, there was a huge debate in the YA community about the merits of giving bad reviews, with some asserting that doing so was a faux pas. I have always held strongly to the opposite belief: that good reviews are meaningless if nobody is ever negative.
The thing about writer-friends is that, by dint of shared profession, they are also writer-colleagues. It's completely OK to ask a particular person to wear only the friend-hat if we need a cheer squad, but you cannot expect this behaviour from all people at all times.
You know? I don't feel like I should have to explain that people, regardless of whether they're writers or readers or just family/friends, do not owe it to you to purchase your book, or read it, or promote it. Unless they also work as your agent/publicist, it's NOT THEIR JOB.
Let me be very clear, here: when I say this, I don't mean that it's meaningless when friends DO support your work. It is very, very meaningful! What I mean is that this should be seen as an extra credit act of friendship, not the major assignment that determines pass/fail.
Friends are busy. Friends have budgets. Friends have LIVES. And while our egos as authors would love it if we and our writing were always prioritised by everyone around us, it just doesn't work like that, and especially not when someone knows *many* writers.
Particularly when you're new to the industry & writer friendships, it's super easy to burn yourself out by prioritising friends and their works over everything else. Whether you're doing it through ambition, duty or enthusiasm, treating friends like a job is, well - it's *work*.
Do I try to show the fuck up for my writer friends? HELL yes. But with how many writers I know, I don't have enough time, money, energy or mental health - or, yes, bottomless enthusiasm - to buy and read and shout about every. single. book. And that's OKAY.
So, yeah: when I see someone saying, in essence, "failing to buy the books your friends write for ANY REASON, failing to come to their events or read their works for ANY REASON, makes you a BAD AND TERRIBLE FRIEND WHO DOESN'T LOVE THEM," I am gonna be PISSED.
Fuck right off with that insecure, emotionally blackmailing nonsense and take a seat, and possibly several deep breaths. Your sales don't hinge on friends; they hinge on *strangers* - on whether or not random people with no investment in you, personally, actually like your book.
I get that this is terrifying to contemplate as a naked fact, because it's out of our control, whereas friends and family are, if not beholden to us, then demonstrably easier to influence than a faceless, as-yet-unknown readership. But bullying won't buy you loyalty.
ANYWAY. That's it from me; I need to have a bath and read my review book - which, thus far, I am enjoying.
FIN.
FIN.
