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Son of David @JeSuisNaija
, 3 tweets, 1 min read Read on Twitter
I arrived 1705 Suya Spot, Mende Maryland, where i want to buy Tozo to go and drink garri, same time with a dude oozing Tom Ford Oud Wood. Before i could say a word, he started barking, "Aboki, Nama 10, Shaki 10, Gizzard 10." Aboki just packed all of us waiting for tozo, one side.
By the time this nigga's suya was spread out on the grill, it nearly quenched the flame, and there was no space on the grill for others. A particular lady was apparently irritated and didn't hide it when she said, "Aboki, shame on you if he didn't buy everything."
The guy heard her and turned to her to say something, and the lady shushed him loudly, and abruptly, "hey uncle, i wasn't talking to you. Okay?" The "ella" entered like a bomb, and all of us waiting screamed. One guy shouted, "Jesus!" 😭😭😭
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More from @JeSuisNaija see all

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GIST
The bond between me & my elder brother is cultic. We're complete opposite & he indulges me to stupor. I had time to relive today, how we started a sword fight after watching Voltron & i stabbed him on his navel. The swords were decorative, hung on d wall in our living room.
We didnt know what 2do when he started bleeding & i begged him not to tell. I just got out of trouble starting a car's ignition with d manual gear engaged. The vehicle jumped forward and knocked down a neighbour's fence. My dad was already querying my mother if i was legitimate.
My brother agreed to not telling and i became his nurse. I wrapped several clothes over the bleeding to hide it until all the clothes we both have were soaked in blood. He's been bleeding for like 7hrs when he collapsed in the middle of the living room when everybody was there.
Read 6 tweets
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CAUTION: TRAFFIC LIGHTS ROBBERY
Lagosians, be very vigilant approaching traffic lights 'stop signs' in the evenings, especially on quiet roads. The new trick is to have u sandwiched, stopping behind a car at the lights with another vehicle from the same team of robbers behind u.
Tip #1 On multiple lanes, stop at red lights, staying on the empty lane.

Tip #2 If the light turns red with vehicle(s) ahead of you and there isn't an empty space, decelerate quickly to a crawling speed, pulling off slightly, allowing enough room for vehicles behind to overtake.
Tip #3 Most Lagos roads have a "Turn On Red" yield or service lane, which is expected to be free when red light stops the onward lane. Queue against red lights closest to this yield or service lane for escape, in case u see people jumping out of d vehicle that stopped ahead of u.
Read 4 tweets
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GIST @$#&€%
Bae checked into a hotel with her boyfriend. On opening the wardrobe, she wondered why the hotel placed a microwave oven in the wardrobe, then asked his Nigga to take a look. He saw it and started laughing. It's a cash deposit safe. 😂😂😂 #MenAreScum
Plot twist:
This nigga shared gist with friends and it went 360° until lady heard. She broke up with him and he's been begging for 5months. Today, lady is marrying one of the Ex's friend. Her groom was one of the friends the Ex told the microwave gist, who snitched. #MenAreScum
T'was mad lit last night at Cubana when friends tried persuading our guy to drink as a well-wish for his friend that's marrying his girlfriend. He danced a little, cried a little, danced again. He cried most on his way home. Its d girl he lost that pays his rent. He's unemployed.
Read 3 tweets

Related threads

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She asked if she could come around with her friend, I agreed.
"Will you pay for the cab fare?" I replied, "yes."

Few minutes later, my phone rang and it was her. "Please, come and pick us at domino' s" she spoke in her soft voice. But, " you know my address...
...why isn't the cab bringing you guys....?"

"Man, we want to get ice cream and you will pay for it" She replied before I could finish my statement.

Sometimes been yourself is good but when you are too calm, you would look a dummy.
We got home, having a drink and two of my guys came ringing the bell at the gate. I was happy, it wasn't going to a dull moment.

They got in and the groove started, it was getting interesting but, I guessed it got into her friend and she went straight into the..
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yoonkook au;

where botany student min yoongi can't let go of the past and forget he lost the 6th grade biology fair to a 3rd grader, jeon jungkook—who is now a very confused dance major
—ok so a few notes;
this is the first time i do this so i'll try my best <3
here is for u to ask questions and recommend stuff (pls do help me out) curiouscat.me/taegisus
profiles pt.1

—jeon jungkook is a dance major at seoul university, but if he could major in binge watching animes and horoscope facts, he would.

—min yoongi is a botany major at the university of soul. he hasn't let go of that one(1) time he lost to a 3rd grader
Read 72 tweets
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#Khashoggi Case Thread: I am going to ‘pin’ this post to use it as an ‘Info Thread’ on the #Khashoggi Case. I am in #Turkey. I’ve been following the case closely and with access to sources & experts here. This is a very ‘sensitive’ criminal case due to ‘Diplomatic Booby Traps’!!!
The Evidence Obtained Outside Cameras will not show any evidence of ‘tempering’ but other than license plates of dozens of diplomatic cars (Many with tinted windows-large trunks) with related time stamp, drivers Info, model/year: Nothing.
#Turkish Intel-Investigative Bodies also have the list of all Diplomatic & Private Saudi & “other significant’ Planes in #Turkey for the period of ‘interest.’ Many of the Target airports have their own security cameras & related evidence.
Read 335 tweets
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This is going to be a long thread, basically a recap of events, mixed in with my opinions, using logic and reasoning, as it relates to the IC, Dems, Trump, MSM, foreign agents and Hillary.
We need to travel back to 2006 with Alexander Downing and Hillary. Downing worked a deal for Australia to give Hillary's foundation millions of dollars (pay to play).
michaelsmithnews.com/2018/01/alexan…
At the same time working a deal w/ Russia selling/buying uranium (Rosatom parent of Uranium one)
modernpowersystems.com/news/newsrussi…
Read 108 tweets
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Should I do a Twitter Tips thread and go over how these tools work? There's nothing nefarious, but there's some cool free stuff we use for professional accounts that anyone can use.

Also I have a "Twitter for Writers" piece if anyone wants to take a look.
Ok let's start with things that make Berners' heads explode.

We tell everyone, leave your own tweets at the top when you log off. Not just your pinned tweet, your current stuff. I usually hit the top two in my mentions. This is free advertising. In weird twitter it's currency
1/
Buffer is a great tool for scheduling tweets. There are a ton of apps that let you post to multiple platforms but with Buffer the posts don't go out at the same time. You can also schedule tweets at optimum times based on your when your followers are online
2/
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