If you can
🌸 feed off the thrum of constant failure
🌸 get used to seeing your worst flaws amplifies
🌸 eat shit for everything on the daily, write many eloquent apologies
... then maybe you should consider the glamorous job of startup CEO
🌸 feed off the thrum of constant failure
🌸 get used to seeing your worst flaws amplifies
🌸 eat shit for everything on the daily, write many eloquent apologies
... then maybe you should consider the glamorous job of startup CEO
I'm not saying this to complain. There's nothing more obnoxious than people bitching about their hard and lofty jobs.
I don't even hate being CEO anymore (or at least it's been a long time since I stopped to think about hating it, so...let's round up).
I don't even hate being CEO anymore (or at least it's been a long time since I stopped to think about hating it, so...let's round up).
Now it just feels like a tour of dirty. It's a thing that must be done. So I am doing it.
I'll probably even enjoy it in retrospect. Lord knows I hated every minute of being an engineering manager, until I was no longer doing it. Only then was I able to digest and process it
I'll probably even enjoy it in retrospect. Lord knows I hated every minute of being an engineering manager, until I was no longer doing it. Only then was I able to digest and process it
Er.. Tour of *duty*. 👏👏 nicely done, devil phone ☺️
I was making a list of my flaws:
* fights hard
* hits hard
* pathologically persistent
* extremely blunt
* extremely literal, lack subtlety
* intolerant of authority
* immune to (most) expectations
* all in or all out; no middle ground
Cue clichéd realization: also my strengths
* fights hard
* hits hard
* pathologically persistent
* extremely blunt
* extremely literal, lack subtlety
* intolerant of authority
* immune to (most) expectations
* all in or all out; no middle ground
Cue clichéd realization: also my strengths
But as an engineer, these were strengths most of the time, like 98% of the time.
As a CEO, I have to fight my nature every day to deploy them intentionally, strategically. It takes a lot more emotional range; it's frankly tiring trying so hard to moderate all the time.
As a CEO, I have to fight my nature every day to deploy them intentionally, strategically. It takes a lot more emotional range; it's frankly tiring trying so hard to moderate all the time.
I like to run myself to the ground, and I just can't *do* that any more. When I'm tapped I get stupid.
I haven't even *begun* to figure how to guard my Introvert batteries from the relentless drain of meetings, let alone how to feel flow or mastery or occasional mere competence
I haven't even *begun* to figure how to guard my Introvert batteries from the relentless drain of meetings, let alone how to feel flow or mastery or occasional mere competence
I don't mean that as a complaint either. Yes it sucks, but I don't really experience or value happiness in the present, only in retrospect.
(This gets some weird looks, but I don't know how to explain it any better. I would have made a GREAT martyr/saint)
(This gets some weird looks, but I don't know how to explain it any better. I would have made a GREAT martyr/saint)
Anyway, enough of that. I'm in London, just walked around for two hours in the pouring rain and worked some shit out in my head. Could be worse. 👍 
