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THREAD: Message from Bristol to the rest of the world.
We know there’s other stuff going on that you might have thought was more important, but we thought we’d mention it, just in case it turns out to be important...
It’s just that, well, the swans are starting to rebel.
1/n
We know there’s other stuff going on that you might have thought was more important, but we thought we’d mention it, just in case it turns out to be important...
It’s just that, well, the swans are starting to rebel.
1/n
Or maybe, and this also might be equally disconcerting, it’s just the one swan, actually.
2/n
2/n
We think it started early on Thursday morning.
Traffic on the road network between the city centre and the city’s main train station and south of the river was brought to a halt for a long time.
This happened at a place called Redcliffe Bascule Bridge.
Traffic on the road network between the city centre and the city’s main train station and south of the river was brought to a halt for a long time.
This happened at a place called Redcliffe Bascule Bridge.
It held up traffic for ages and started facing up to a X39 bus that was trying to get to Bath
bristolpost.co.uk/news/bristol-n…
bristolpost.co.uk/news/bristol-n…
It was one of those young adult swans, adult-sized but still with some of its grey-brown cygnet feathers.
It wasn’t frightened by a double decker bus.
It wasn’t frightened by a double decker bus.
Let that sink in.
It fronted up to a double decker bus.
It fronted up to a double decker bus.
It eventually wondered off, having brought more traffic congestion to the city centre than 1000 striking schoolchildren did the following day.
We thought, or maybe hoped, it was a one-off.
We were wrong.
We were wrong.
The very next day, it - or a swan that looked very much like the swan from Thursday morning - turned up at the city’s main train station, Temple Meads.
It gave absolutely no swan f***s at all.
It gave absolutely no swan f***s at all.
No one knows how it got there, past the ticket barriers without buying a valid train ticket, but without warning, there it was.
On the Thursday, faced off against an ‘express’ bus heading from Bristol to Bath.
On Friday, it said ‘hold my swan beer’....
It fronted up to a high speed train heading, the 1430 departure from platform 5, heading to Bath, and then on to London.
On Friday, it said ‘hold my swan beer’....
It fronted up to a high speed train heading, the 1430 departure from platform 5, heading to Bath, and then on to London.
So twice in two days, what appears to have been the same swan stood in the path of a double decker bus, and then a massive intercity train - both heading to Bath.
People stood around baffled.
This swan seemed to know exactly what it was doing.
But no one knew why
bristolpost.co.uk/news/bristol-n…
This swan seemed to know exactly what it was doing.
But no one knew why
bristolpost.co.uk/news/bristol-n…
After a while, again, it wandered off, its job done.
Where will it strike next?
We’re a city in nervous anticipation, nay dread...
Where will it strike next?
We’re a city in nervous anticipation, nay dread...
Now, for context, there’s some things you need to know about us & swans, rest of the world.
Bristol is the de facto capital of the West Country, otherwise known as Hot Fuzz Land, after the wonderful documentary film by @edgarwright which starred @nickjfrost & @simonpegg
Bristol is the de facto capital of the West Country, otherwise known as Hot Fuzz Land, after the wonderful documentary film by @edgarwright which starred @nickjfrost & @simonpegg
It was the documentary that followed two of our local bobbies and their dealings with an errant swan up round the castle.
Bristol local @StephenMerchant warned us. He was probably the first to really appreciate what swans are capable of.
Bristol local @StephenMerchant warned us. He was probably the first to really appreciate what swans are capable of.
So we have previous with swans, as you will have seen in Hot Fuzz.
But we haven’t seen anything like this kind of targeted disruption against, first a @FirstBSA bus and traffic..
So, basically, this is a message to say: If you don’t hear from us for a while... if we stop sending graffiti artists up to thatbthere London.... if your supplies of milk, cheese and cider run out suddenly.... our swan problem has got worse.
The worse part of predicting or planning the response to this, is thinking of the things we don’t know we don’t know.
The first thing to work out is if it was the same swan or two different swans.
But we stopped thinking about that, because both prospects are equally disconcerting and disturbing, if you think it through.
But we stopped thinking about that, because both prospects are equally disconcerting and disturbing, if you think it through.
If it is the same swan. What is it doing? Why?
If it is two different swans, it means they are getting organised.
If it is two different swans, it means they are getting organised.
Pray for us, rest of the world, as we try to get to grips with this swan issue.
Oh and can we have @nickjfrost and @simonpegg back for a bit.
They seemed to have a way with the swans.
Oh and can we have @nickjfrost and @simonpegg back for a bit.
They seemed to have a way with the swans.
Eye witness accounts are still coming in.
Rumours and dread about motives and conspiracy theories are running rife through the city...
Our Welsh ex-pat friends living here in Bristol are already talking of appeasement, and even surrender.
Other locals are going for the kind of radical, left-field solutions that Bristol is famous for.
The logic here is that since the swan really doesn’t want people to get to Bath, we should give it what it wants.
Again, this also smacks of appeasement.
The logic here is that since the swan really doesn’t want people to get to Bath, we should give it what it wants.
Again, this also smacks of appeasement.
The theories continue. This is gaining wider traction....
we are clutching at any straw that could make sense of this disturbing threat.
we are clutching at any straw that could make sense of this disturbing threat.
Some compare it to when whales and dolphins do mass beachings in California & people go ‘oooo they’re warning us about pollution’
Could the swan be warning us about air pollution & traffic congestion on the A4 Bristol-Bath corridor through Brislington? But in a really obtuse way?
Could the swan be warning us about air pollution & traffic congestion on the A4 Bristol-Bath corridor through Brislington? But in a really obtuse way?
More reports coming in...
This time from east Bristol...
Have these swans joined the resistance?
Where have they gone?
Why have they gone?
What are they plotting?
This time from east Bristol...
Have these swans joined the resistance?
Where have they gone?
Why have they gone?
What are they plotting?
More reports coming in...
The forces of law and order are on the case.
@ASPJoeIles could still do with the reinforcements of those two nice young officers @simonpegg and @nickjfrost who were the breakout stars of that fly-on-the-wall documentary a few years back.
@ASPJoeIles could still do with the reinforcements of those two nice young officers @simonpegg and @nickjfrost who were the breakout stars of that fly-on-the-wall documentary a few years back.
MONDAY BRISTOL SWAN UPDATE: no swan-based disruption reported today.
They are biding their time, waiting for the right moment.
However....
They are biding their time, waiting for the right moment.
However....
More eye-witness detail about what happened at the station, or The Temple Meads Incident, as history will come to know it...
This raises more questions than it answers.
Who was doing the carrying?
Were they taking the swan TO the station platform to cause the disruption, or away again?
(The station / stairs lay out is such it could be either)
Who was doing the carrying?
Were they taking the swan TO the station platform to cause the disruption, or away again?
(The station / stairs lay out is such it could be either)
Please @OliviaMahlberg we need more details.
As you can see from the whole thread here, your city’s future depends on it. Any info you can provide...
As you can see from the whole thread here, your city’s future depends on it. Any info you can provide...
Latest breaking news here.
The @thebristolbugle = many a true word written in jest...
thebristolbugle.com/2019/02/18/all…
The @thebristolbugle = many a true word written in jest...
thebristolbugle.com/2019/02/18/all…
A pattern emerges....
