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The amount of spiritual gymnastics that I did in my youth was legendary. It was a constant cycle of guilt and glory over subjects like prayer, fasting, sex, sin, holiness, church, service to God, tithing etc. No wonder I went prematurely grey.
I forgot that the fruits of the Spirit include joy and peace. I should have been warned by the rarity of those values in my walk with God. But no. I kept sending myself on errands God did not give me. 🤔🤨
It took me stepping back and saying to myself, "I can't do this anymore", to set myself free. In the silence, I discovered God. I discovered relationship. I discovered love. I discovered peace.
I realised one of the best ways for me to be a Christian was to sometimes avoid other Christians and their competitive comparative analysis and busy-bodism. Also, the mind numbing traditions of institutional church.
Your circle of true Christian friends; your true Christian family will understand love. They will get independence and freedom of choice. They will point you to Jesus always and not your Pastor. They know God's got you. They can't love or protect you more than him.
I realised God has a mouth and can speak. I realised the Holy Spirit was dymanic and could guide me through the Word in modern ways. I realised he was excellent and the mediocrity that was so prevalent in religion was irritating to him, just as it was to me.
Above all, I discovered God was very kind and very patient. And, he wants to have a relationship with me. With me. That still blows my mind. Wow.
