Another masterclass in how to win friends & influence people.

Leadership lessons for Game of thrones.

This conversation between Queen Dany and Lady Sansa demonstrates some key principles from the book 'How to win friends & influence people'.

And also from various studies at Harvard as well as from other renowned researchers/experts in the area of conflict management.
One of the key pieces of advice in his book is 'Give honest and sincere appreciation. Appreciation is one of the most powerful tools in the world'
Appreciation, though, is not simple flattery, it must be sincere, meaningful and with love.

Dany does this when she highlights the skill and discernment with which Lady Sansa has managed affairs in the North.
Her skills as a manager reflect in episode 1, as she talks knowledgably about the food stores & estimates potential consumption.
A second point the books makes is about the approach to difficult conversations.

Dale Carnegie advises that we begin these conversations in a friendly, as opposed to combative way.
Even if we are greatly upset, we must be friendly to influence people to our way of thinking.

Dany was upset, but approached Sansa as a sister and friend. Her intention was to influence, not infuriate.
Another one piece of advice from Carnegie is to 'Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely'.

We see Dany do this by referencing Sansa's strong leadership and triumph against great hardship.
One of the most interesting points Carnegie makes is this one. 'Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person. When something goes wrong, taking responsibility can help win others to your side'
Again Dany does this expertly, referring to her errors/naivety when dealing with Cersei Lannister.

She questions her own judgement with regard to making Tyrion her hand.
Another book this brings to mind is Crucial Conversations: tools for communicating when stakes are high.

A major piece of advice from the authors is 'Explore others’ paths. Find out what the other person is thinking.  Make sure that you understand each other'
Dany explores Sansa's path when she asks why despite their similarities, they are continually at odds with one another.
The final lesson I would like to point out is from Robert Cialdini; known as the Godfather of influence & persuasion.

In his book influence, he points out 6 principles of persuasion 👇
Dany uses all to some degree, but in this conversation she uses 'liking' masterfully.

According to Cialdini's research, the best way to get someone to like you is to highlight the things that you and that person have in common
In a series of negotiation studies carried out between MBA students at two well-known business schools, some groups were told, “Time is money. Get straight down to business.” In this group, around 55% were able to come to an agreement.
A second group however, was told, “Before you begin negotiating, exchange some personal information with each other. Identify a similarity you share in common then begin negotiating.”
In this group, 90% of them were able to come to successful and agreeable outcomes that were typically worth 18% more to both parties.
Dany deftly harnessed this powerful principle of liking by emphasising the many things that Sansa and her had in common.

She spoke abt family dysfunction, the challnges of female leadership and adversity. Things that they could both relate to.
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