Thread by @BenLesh

@getify So my wife used to be a recruiter. Here's what I can tell you: Most of these recruiting firms require recruiters to hit specific numbers of contacts made, emails sent, etc, _or you're fired_. On top of that, you're paid very low because most of it is commission.

@getify .. combine that with the fact that you're reaching out to a group of people who have very little basis in reality for what the employment situation looks like in America for the average person. Entitled, wealthy, people that treat you like garbage consistently.

@getify The average person would freak out if they ever got an out-of-the-blue phone call or email that was about a high-paying job that was even remotely related to their current line of work. Software engineers? They sneer and growl. "How dare they make me hit delete on this email?"

@getify "What is this paltry offering that hath landed upon my throne?!"

Fresh mutton and grease drips from the engineers lips.

"This is my realm! If your ilk even wanders by my castle gates again, I shall behead thee and tear down thine whole kingdom!", the engineer bellowed

@getify ... The engineer's gaze lands upon the QA analyst.

With a sigh, over chewing food the engineer mutters, "What is it this time, jester? Another button out of place? A color not quite right?"

The engineer nearly chokes laughing the the joke.

@getify "It's the user info, your highness" The QA analyst utters.

"Then take it to the dungeon! The DBAs will make quick work of it!!" The engineer commanded, wiping crumbs from the royal robes.

The analyst hurried away mumbling epithets under their breath.

@getify The engineer mashes the enter key, importantly.

"What foul trickery?!"

"BRING FORTH THE GIT EXPERT!!!", the engineer roared.

"I thought you told me that this version control was superior!", the engineer said sternly, "Where's my GUI?! Why do I need to use terminal?!"

@getify "Well, your worship, if you just rebase your..."

"SILENCE!!! You need not tell me how to handle this! I KNOW ALL I SEE ALL!"

The git expert leans forward to help, and the engineer hurriedly closes a StackOverflow tab in Chrome.

"BEGONE!" the engineer makes shoo gesture

@getify The engineer's brow furrows. A look of intense thought.

Tapping fingers.

A drip of sweat.

The engineer moves the mouse cursor tentatively over a link. "...I wonder what foolery ye olde Hackernews has for me to peruse?" (*click*)

@getify "EGAD!", the engineer gasps.

"How dare sh1tl0rd_420 insult my favorite JavaScript library! Clearly this rogue needs to get his comeuppance!!"

The engineer cracks their knuckles and vaults energetically to work...

@getify ... two and a half intense hours later, and the engineer has finely formulated the most witty, cutting, academically astounding piece of literature that could possibly be crammed into four paragraphs.

With a defiant and self-assured grin, the engineer readies to click "Send"

@getify ... but something catches the engineer's gaze... "What is this?" the engineer inquires..

"Haw! guffaw! Hahaha! Oh this is jolly good! _crunkl0rd_4eva_ has posted a adequate response indeed! Ho ho ho. I need not submit this.", The engineer sits back, satisfied with today's work.

@getify (Reader's note: I'm not making fun of Kyle, I honestly have no idea WTF I'm typing, I'm just waiting for some tests to stop running)

@getify (They're done now)

@getify (Be nice to recruiters, they're people too, and they're probably being put up to whatever BS emails and calls you're getting)