Thread by @cmclymer

Randomly thinking this morning of a very kind person at a cocktail party who insisted we had met because I talked to their boss on a popular news program.

"No, that wasn't me."

"No, that was you! We've had you on."

"Oh, I would have remembered talking to your boss."

1/x

And this seriously went for a good two minutes. Their boss is the host of a very popular program, and I would know if I've been a guest on there, but y'all, they were so insistent, that at one point I actually thought to myself: "Shit, maybe I did appear on there?"

Eventually, they realized they were talking to the wrong trans woman and apologized profusely. And later sent a very sweet email saying the same. I thought they were quite kind and personable, just had a few too many drinks. We've all had a few too many. No worries.

But this happens everywhere. In professional spaces, parties, and on the street, I've been mistaken for Danica Roem, Sarah McBride, Christine Hallquist -- all trans women I adore and look up to, but y'all, none of us look anything alike.

At the Sephora in Arlington a few months ago, to which I'd never been and only stopped by to pick up some things, a makeup attendant walked up and said: "Your hair has gotten so long!" Again, very sweet person, but we've never met.

And again, she, like the other person, insisted we had. I said, "Nope, wrong trans woman", probably a little out of annoyance at that point. And then I could tell she felt really bad, and then, I felt really bad. Profuse apologies, and I felt the need to comfort her.

When this happens, it's not the mistaken identity that bothers me (well, sometimes) so much as the *insistence* followed by the apologies and the needing to be comforted. That's... not how it should work.

"How do you know if maybe you really did meet and you just don't remember?"

Because I find that folks I've actually met tend to be a little more casual and vague about it. Our previous chat was brief, and I'm a wisp of a memory. They're rightly tentative.

But the folks I've never met who *know* they've met me? Always full of confidence because in their memory, we've had a full-blown conversation, which somehow makes it worse.

Either way, it's totally understandable I'd be mistaken for other trans women. Shit happens. I'm not losing sleep over it. What I don't like is the insistence followed by the low-key appeal for emotional labor. Girl, I'm at a party. Can I just drink my gin in peace, please?

Because I'm an empath, and even though you messed up, I don't know what you to feel bad and me be the cause of it (even though the cause is actually you). So, I wound up feeling bad, which is ridiculous.

I can't imagine being a person of color and getting this shit All. The. Time., particularly for those in predominantly-white workplaces or schools. You're already "unseen" and when you are seen, it's not even you who's being seen.

Laverne Cox and Janet Mock, who do not look alike, must get confused for each other more than any other two people on the planet. I am certain of this. Both prominent Black trans women in a media scarce on Black folks and even moreso on trans folks.

And so, if you ever realize you're a white person mixing up two persons of color or a cis person mixing up two trans people, just humbly apologize and move on. This will be appreciated. Trust me. /thread