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The reason for this, and the source of much Democratic weakness, is that white Democrats in particular feel hurt and confused about why Republicans hate them and want to mend fences or buy their way back into their good graces somehow.
These Democrats are either oblivious or choose to ignore the fact that Republicans hate them by association with the women, PoC, and LGBT folks who form the Democratic base.
Republicans are rarely so blunt, or didn't used to be, and enjoy stringing white Democrats along in any case, but that's all their antagonism to "big government" and "socialism" is about. Government working on behalf of people other than white men, especially rich ones.
There's practically nothing you can do to appease Republicans that doesn't involve throwing women, PoC, and LGBT folks under the bus, but some white liberals and leftists are sorely tempted to do so to maintain their in-group privilege and comity.
So the question "why do Democrats care so much about what Republicans and their voters think?" is basically answered by a macro scale version of "why don't white people confront their racist friends and family members over the holidays?"
Ethan is spot on here, and it's this feedback loop of reacting to Republican wrongdoing while fretting over how to respond without antagonizing them, as if that were even possible, that changed the focus from progress to merely surviving elections.
