Thread by @Otto_Orondaam

Dear Women, Men Are Not Scum!
No man or woman was born a scum or an angel, an abuser or a lover, a believer or non-believer.
No child was born with a homemaking or bread-wining DNA, our societal, cultural & religious systems indoctrinated us into being all that we are.

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So rather than hate "men" because we all seem to be broken why don’t we work together to fix the sources of our brokenness. Instead of fighting the broken systems, we end up fighting ourselves, destroying our reputation, winning little battles but losing the greater war.

Today many young girls say men are scum & many boys grow up accepting that they'll be scum. Women need to know that the “men are scum campaign” will hurt more women as men. So, let’s stop throwing away the baby with the bath water, let’s protect the baby while changing the water.

Ever wondered why our fathers hardly told us “I Love You”? Can you remember often seeing your father cry even when he was badly hurt? Because the society teaches the boy to be hard, not to communicate or be emotional as it is a sign of weakness.

We grew up learning to always "Man Up" and even when we are abused or molested by women, men, relatives, maids or even strangers we never get to speak up because we are meant to be strong and soak up every hurt. So, sexual abuse now wears a feminine tag.

Our society and many mothers are sustaining these cultures by teaching girls to be good wives but forgetting the boys. Girls are taught the importance of womanhood, home making, hygiene, virginity and puberty but for a boy, even having wet dreams seems like a taboo to discuss.

The boy is expected to explore his sexuality and seek knowledge maybe from his peers or by watching his dad who will hardly communicate because he is busy breadwinning and might as well be broken from the same system.

We hold our teenage girl’s hostage at home so as to protect them but let our teenage boys go out & explore. We ask our teenage girl to cook for their teenage brothers while they are playing outside. We even go as far as conducting virginity tests for the girls but the boys.....?

Ever wondered why many teenage girls or young women in general see their male peers as less mature and always want an elderly partner who is more mature, who can foot their bills and also act like a father figure?

Marriage isn't the ultimate life goal but we teach girls to be prepared for it, and aspire to it but we do not do the same to boys, so a prepared and responsible girl ends up meeting an unprepared and irresponsible boy and then again, we say men are scum.

Why are there different titles for women as in Miss for single women and Mrs. for married women, but only Mr. for both single and married men, making women aspire to changing their status at all cost while men just never care?

The same system makes the woman change her name because she's now a property of the man. And in many cultures, ceremonies are performed to send her away as she can't even own her father's properties, make family decisions and she become an outcast.

Remember that in the past love wasn't a key factor for marriage. It was for economic, religious & political reasons. Women never knew their husbands & were usually given off as gifts or betrothed even before they were born but things have changed and should still change further.

So dear women, let's realize that these systems are destroying us all. If we all put much effort building responsible boys, we will need less effort in fighting against crime, domestic and sexual violence, inequality in the workplace, molestation, divorce, drug abuse and suicide.

As boys, don't tell us that teddies are too mushy and just for girls. Teach us that it is okay for us to cry and express our emotions. Teach us that it is okay to love and be loved. Let us know early that weakness isn’t just for women and being strong isn’t just for men.

Let us know that expressing anger is not the only permissible emotion for men. Teach us that women & men are equal and deserve equal respect. Let us know that a woman can earn better than us, she can be wiser than us, she can even lead us and it doesn't show that we are weak.

Many boys grow up watching their broken dads physically abuse and beat up their mum. Many girls watch their broken mum insult, humiliate and emotionally abuse their dad. They think it is a norm and those experiences build a marriage system that is passed on over generations.

Don't let us grow up believing that our goal as the man is to marry a woman who'll cook, clean, serve us & take care of our kids. Teach us that we should also cook, clean, serve & take care of kids. Our wives can also work & earn money & it doesn’t mean that we aren’t man enough.

Don't let us grow up seeing women as property to be owned & we could marry multiple as a sign of wealth or social status. Just like buying a brand-new car, she must be a virgin otherwise she isn’t brand new & her economic value is less but for the man virginity isn’t necessary.

Don't let us grow up believing that the woman must always obey & listen to us as the authority always ends at our feet. And when she shares a different opinion and it’s difficult for us to compromise we feel humiliated and express our only known emotion which is anger and force.

Indeed there is nothing wrong with being loyal to one another, serving, helping, caring and loving one another. There is nothing wrong in following traditions and religious faith provided they aren't misconstrued and used to oppress others in the name of obedience.

The greatest predictor of abuse, inequality, sexual violence isn't the man but the society, our religion and medieval cultures that support male control, superiority & especially holding unto the norms that keep men in total authority over female behavior.

So next time when you hear that "men are scum", always remember that your brothers, fathers and sons are only victims of a system they were born into.
And women will always remain victims of this system, if we fail to work together to fix the problem and drop the labels. - Pt. 1