Thread by @robofingering

too tired to work on my ongoing thread tonight but am thinking about the first time Hank has to tell Connor he's not in the mood for sex

Of course Connor doesn't have the same physical limitations a human has (especially a man who drinks too much & is in his 50s) but they've found ways to be close and get Connor off when Hank maybe can't get hard, or other ways to be physically intimate

But there has to be a day when Hank's feeling miserable: didn't sleep well the night before, trying to severely cut back on drinking and it sucks, work is hell, the a/c's out at home. Maybe all at once.

And he *knows* it's an easy thing, in a lot of ways, to just go along with it when your partner initiates sex, even if you don't really want to. It's less conflict, in the moment.

But he knows this because he's done it, and every time he's gotten into that habit with someone, it poisons things, in Hank's mind. It's harder to know when he really DOES want it.
So he knows he has to fucking say something.

When Connor starts sending him Significant Glances after dinner, he sits down next to him.Takes his hand, but can't look him in the eye. Can't speak for a minute.

He says, "you know I love everything we do in bed together, right? This isn't about you. But tonight I just can't. My head's not right for it."
Connor asks if there's something he can do differently; he's happy to take care of Hank and take his own pleasure solely from that.

But that's not what Hank wants from him, and it's not what HE wants from himself, either. They're happy to take turns, sometimes, focusing on each other and letting their own pleasure be a distant concern.

This is something different. Hank feels his body prickle at the thought of being so close with Connor at the moment, even though he loves him so much. (he can't quite say it yet but he Knows it in his bones) He can't force it when he feels like this.

And he knows - and Connor agrees, once he spells it out for him - that forcing it is the last thing either of them wants for this new relationship.

So, they talk for a little while before bed, instead. Hank holds Connor's hand the entire time, to let him know he doesn't want to stop being close to him. He talks about his fears around work. About how disgusting and sweaty and cranky he feels in the August heat.

(It doesn't change his mind when Connor reminds him he likes the sweat, but it does make him feel better.) Connor talks about how he's disappointed but he understands, and doesn't want to Hank to force himself into desire for his sake.

Hank goes and takes a cool shower to try and rinse some of the heat-crankiness from his mind and body, and that plus the talk with Connor helps a lot.
When they go to bed, Connor hesitates; he isn't sure if he should cuddle up to Hank the way he often does.

But Hank gives him a tired smile and pulls him over to spoon up behind him. He takes Connor's hand again, gives it a gentle kiss, and rests it over his heart as he slips into sleep.
💤❤️