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A thread on recovering from heartbreak:
These two pictures were taken exactly a year apart. On March 1st 2018, I woke up engulfed in agony and terror and dread. On March 1 2019, I woke up overwhelmed by joy, my hair still damp from last night's swim in the ocean. 
The contrast of these two days isn't a fluke: Haritha and I very intentionally scheduled our trip to Cuba to overwrite the memories of the same stretch of days a year earlier. But honestly, even a regular day of my present existence is a beach vacation compared to last winter.
When I was in the throes of the worst of my grief, I would be livid when anyone would tell me it would get better. I remember saying again and again "I don't want it", about whatever imagined positive future my friends thought I could have.
So if you are having a hard time right now, I can't in good conscience tell you that it will get better. I can only ask you to please try to hold space for the idea that it COULD get better. That it MIGHT.
Try to believe that, even if you can only do it for 30 seconds at a time. I mean actually use a countdown app and try to have 30 second stretches of time where you feel like the pain could ever go without taking you with it.
In between those 30 second stretches, surround yourself with people you trust, even if you mostly ignore them. Let them bring you meals and let them do your laundry. Let them sit near you and do their own thing or let them hold onto you while you cry.
When you have to be alone, lay very still so you don't have to feel what it is like to live in your body now that everything is different. If you have animals, hold them close to you. If you don't have animals, maybe try to borrow some. Go to the doctor. Be open to meds.
Marathon TV shows that are melodramatic, so your brain will have an outlet for its state of emergency. But also choose shows that are too low-quality to blindside you with unexpected emotional outcome or impact.
If the plots or themes of this show veer towards the cause of your heartbreak, just hit mute and look at your phone until it's over. If you find yourself having to do that too often, switch to another show (if you are a completist, let yourself off the hook on this one.)
Play a song on repeat, because your mind can't help cycling right now. Choose one you can sing along to, preferably with lots of long notes. If you push all the air out of yourself, your body will inhale involuntarily. And you need air.
Find something you are good at and do it as hard as you can. If you are extremely lucky, someone will notice, and cheer you on.
Find someone or something to stick up for. Spend time in places you love; surround yourself with beauty. Spend time in places that are unfamiliar; they might not be haunted.
It might be a good time to grow your hair. It is a goal you can achieve through inactivity, and a way to mark time. Either way, take a lot of selfies to prove to yourself you're still here. These could later be useful to document your shift back to safety.
It might also feel like your pain is the only proof that the heartbreak happened. It isn't. Keep a record, and designate at least one friend to reflect reality back at you when you need. Letting the pain go will not give absolution to the person that hurt you. I promise it won't.
If you have flashes of optimism, view them as a triumph.
You'll have to be a very particular kind of brave during this time. Brave enough to hope and brave enough to hope for something else. In the record you are keeping, look for patterns.
For me, the first day I didn't think about dying was the first day I felt the micro symptoms of a fledgling crush. It was like blood rushing back into a limb that had fallen asleep, kind of weird and unsettling and even painful.
Your fledgling crush need not turn into your next great love. It might even be better if they don't. Just let it help you get on the other side of numbness. On the other side of numbness you might find a strong unwavering heart.
But all of this might be wrong for you. I hate having to pin a universal truth onto a personal experience in order to give it value.
I wish I had any idea any what might make the clouds part for you, or how long it could take you to get there. I just offer all of this in case anything resonates or comforts. If it doesn't, I hope you find something that does. Know that I am rooting for you. <3
A much more succinct way of putting all of this, via Call the Midwife: "You just keep living, until you're alive again."
