Thread by @Dreamweasel

R: It’s not fair that everyone’s piling on us just because we had 2 mass shootings in one day; what about all the good things we stand for

D: You mean like slavishly supporting a lying racist who collected hacked intel from Russia & obstructed justice

R: No, the other things

R: Hey, we are determined to ensure that conservatives are allowed to hold public forums on college campuses without interruption. We are the party that is fully committed to freedom of speech

REP. OMAR: Good morning, I’d like to discuss our Israel policy

R: SILENCE, HERETIC!

R: We are also committed to fiscal responsibility, which is why we’ve decided to make deep cuts in education policy, environmental policy, & government-run health care

TRUMP: I need several billion dollars for a border wall that “Mexico” will pay for later

R: You got it, Chief

R: We are also doing our part to prevent sexual assault, which is why we demand laws that prevent trannies from using women’s restrooms

D: 20 women have accused Trump of—

R: FAKE NEWS

D: And Brett Kavanaugh was also accused of—

R: LEFTIST MEDIA WITCH HUNT

R: The Republicans are the Party of national security

TRUMP: THE PRESS WILL SCREEN MY APPOINTEES FOR ME

R: foreign policy

TRUMP: I COMPLETELY TRUST MY FRIEND KIM JONG UN

R: and respect for our armed forces

TRUMP: I PREFER SOLDIERS WHO DON’T GET CAPTURED LOL

R: We are the party that believes in meritocracy & personal responsibility

D: Your President is a raving lunatic who couldn’t pass an eighth-grade civics exam & blames every last one of his mistakes on other people

R: Failing that, our top priority is triggering the liberals