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I have talked a lot about anxiety, but rarely about what it actually does. For a few reasons, I'm experiencing it a little more than I've been for a while, and I thought it might be instructive if you know an anxious person for me to give you an example of what it feels like. 1/
Two nights this week, when Brian was out in my fenced yard and it was dark, he's started barking in a corner of the yard where there are a few branches that my lawn guy trimmed off a tree that I need to get rid of. He didn't completely freak, but he was barking at something. 2/
My guess? He was either being weird because he heard the dry leaves crackling, or there's something hanging around those branches like a mouse or a vole or something. This is still pretty logical thinking. I managed to chill the dog out and go get him and bring him inside. 3/
After we were uneventfully back inside, I thought, "Ooh, I hope it wasn't a raccoon." (I couldn't see much; I only had my phone flashlight.) Still pretty solid. That's a reasonable thought. Ditto "I should move those branches." 4/
Next thought: "I hope it wasn't a raccoon who bit the dog." Mmm, getting wobbly! Pretty logically unlikely the dog didn't do anything except bark the same way as always if he got in a fight and was secretly bitten by a raccoon I never saw. 5/
Here's where it really takes off: I next thought, "What if it was a raccoon, and it bit me, and I didn't notice, and now I have rabies?" I want you to understand: This felt like a very real, scary thing. That I could have been attacked by a raccoon without noticing. 6/
I *knew* it was anxiety brain. But I also examined myself for bites. Why I'm telling you this is that ... anxiety thoughts for me are like regular thoughts but without brakes. So if this happens to you, you maybe don't have to have this. When I'm being a good patient, I don't. 7/
And if you know an anxious person, remember the part where I knew it was anxiety and still checked. The person is doing her best. Brains are freaking weird. Be nice to yours. /fin
