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Gather 'round, kids, and hear the tale of the most awkward law firm interview of all time. 1/
Our story takes place deep in the mists of ancient history - specifically, the fall of 1992. I was a 2L at that point, and seeking a position as a summer associate. 2/
Being a summer associate is basically a three-month paid vacation, during which a law firm tries to induce you to work there full-time after graduation, so that they can then slowly eat your soul over the next 8-10 years. 3/
One of the MANY privileges that comes with attendance at a highly-ranked law school is that literally hundreds of law firms from all over the country hold interviews on campus each year. 4/
SIDEBAR: The interviews weren't actually held on campus, but in a few of the nicer hotels in the Cambridge area where the attorneys conducting the interviews would stay. 5/
SIDEBAR (CONT.): When I say "in the hotels," I don't mean in public conference areas - I mean IN THE ACTUAL ROOMS WHERE THE ATTORNEYS WERE STAYING. 6/
SIDEBAR (CONT.): Some forms would attempt to reduce the obvious creepiness of this setup by having the beds in the room removed during interviewing hours, but this just made it worse, because your eyes would constantly be drawn to the bed-shaped shadows on the carpet. /7
Anyhoo...given the large number of firms, the Career Services office would publish this huge book containing all sorts of information about each firm. Most students would use this book to research things like a firm's size, areas of specialization, and starting salary. /8
I, on the other hand, was more focused on the important issues, like whether the firm paid for a gym membership and provided free food and drinks. I thus went into many interviews not even knowing the name of the firm, much less its practice groups. 9/
About two weeks into interview season, I found myself sitting across from the founding partner of a high-end boutique firm in Washington, DC. After a few minutes, he asked me how I was enjoying my current slate of classes. 10/
I used this as an opportunity to go on an extended riff about my least-favorite class: Federal Income Taxation. At one point, I stated my opinion that (and I quote verbatim) "practicing tax law would be the equivalent of assisted suicide, except you get to do it every day." 11/
Without batting an eyelash, the interviewer informed me that he found my position a bit confusing, since HE HAD FOUNDED THE FIRM 30 YEARS AGO TO FOCUS EXCLUSIVELY ON COMPLEX TAX WORK. 12/
A minute went by. Then two. Then three. Total, complete silence. Whole galaxies were born, burned brightly, and faded away into nothingness in that silence. Finally, without saying a word, I stood up, walked to the door and left the room. 13/
By the time I got back to my apartment 15 minutes later, I had a voicemail from the firm's recruiting coordinator politely informing me that, while they appreciated my time and wished me the best, they would *not* be extending me an offer of employment. 14/
POSTSCRIPT: I bumped into the firm's founder 10 years later at some ABA conference. He glanced at my face, then down to my name tag, and, icicles dripping from each word, said "Oh, it's YOU." He then righteously turned on his heel and disappeared back into the crowd. 15/x
POST-POSTSCRIPT: At a cocktail hour later in the conference, I apologized profusely to the founder. After 15 seconds of silence, he burst out laughing, told me not practicing tax law was my loss (probably right), and bought me a drink. May his memory be for a blessing. 16/xx
