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"This is actually good for Trump," the Republican pundit noted as the FBI identified Trump through DNA and fingerprint match as The Tri-State Killer. "Democrats are getting so excited that Trump is conclusively being named as a serial killer, this just galvanizes the base."
"I like a president who is hands-on, who smiles with glee as he squeezes the life out of an innocent civilian, then places a cryptic calling card at the staged crime scene," said Buford McGillicudy, who has attended 78 Trump rallies after abandoning his wife and children.
"I have very serious concerns that Trump murdered up those families, boiled them, and ate them," said Suzy Crimins, who usually votes for the Democrats, "But I'm worried they'll screw this up. They have DNA, a confession, fingerprints, even video. But you know Democrats."
"Such a witch hunt, the worst witch hunt ever," President Trump said in his press conference, delivered while wearing a straightjacket and a muzzle. "The fake news says I am a - and this is a new word - 'serial killer.' I killed like 12, 13 people in order, how is that 'serial?'"
