Thread by @trihex

So I'm aware Destiny made a huge thread calling out everyone in his subreddit recently concerning our recent exchange, but also his animosity around certain other streamers lately.

I'd like to respond to his points & elaborate on his points: reddit.com/r/Destiny/comm…

To better establish my outlook on this, I'd like to clarify that I track N-Word Hard-R and nigga separately. I find that totally different words, with different contextualities and implications.

Spoke at length about this on too many Scuffed Podcasts to count.

Before we begin, I think it's important to know the clip I witnessed at some point during Rajj Royale:

streamable.com/85w35

I'm not here to CONDEMN Steven for what he said—

as I'm sure there's probably elaborative context on it & he's probably explained before

—but to attempt to justify why my REACTION (the only thing on LSF threads) was so emotional irrelevant of my own principles.

(Also for transparency, I recall seeing it around 3.5hr into the Royale. It was before Eva was eliminated because I started mentioning my "discomfort" around then)

POINT 1:

Acceptable and "agreed with" are conflating here IMO. I read the DT Podcast YT comments to try to do a better job as a co-host. Most complaints are I'm not savvy enough on topics & don't challenge you more.

Last 2 episodes I've tried to stick up (for once) for things I believe like Medical For All as outlined by Bernie's plan & that the MSM has a bias against him.

In the past, I've been passive on contesting you because you have debate agility & I suspect I can't keep up.

But in attempts to do better as a co-host, I'm trying to stick up for my points for a change versus bending over as everyone complains. And that's a daunting task when engaging with you, irrelevant of my skill level to do so.

I don't "run to [...] dipshits" to get my opinion formed. I've only ever spoke w/ Hasan & Mike as a afterparty discord call following the last 2 Dem Debates (in the last 60 days+)!

I speak with you weekly more than them!

A few of your tweets in the past couple of weeks I found questionable, but I wouldn't do anything as disingenuous as run to a foreign party for a carry to try to clap you.

Or else I'd probably have done a better job debating you on expected rebuttals (lol @ myself).

POINT 2:

Yes, these are all my words. Yes, I believe and stand by what I said concerning contextualization of judgement for Hard-R N-Word. And yes, this clip of myself somewhat contradicts exactly what my actions were clips.twitch.tv/DullSpookyPter…

-- HOWEVER..

My elaboration in that same discussion was specifically that the INTENSITIES OF BADNESS aren't all the same (check VOD)

e.g. — college professor using Hard-R to recall literal spoken dialogue for shock value to a class; anyone literally quoting Confederate Generals

I maintained a feeling of hurtness on Rajj because:

1) We fundamentally disagreed on context of "true privacy" vs "public announcement of private activities" — that didn't become an official stalemate of agreement until yesterday's show

2) The lack of empathy you showed at my unraveling of emotion. In my POV, it felt like I was disposable to you cuz it was an emotional conflict, to me.

I since understand that as a principle conflict, with you. So your ability to be removed emotionally puzzled me at first.

As for your public position, I honestly hadn't ran into that YT video. (My chat opts to listen to the toxic debates, rarely the nuanced stuff)

And just recently came across your post from ResetEra when evaluating what all happened yesterday and why I felt how I did.

As for the complaining about not streaming, I was communicating how I felt. It was about MY FEELINGS, not about you.

Even what I admitted in that tweet is consistent with my reception of the situation as a ethics vs morals vs principles conflict

POINT 3:

I don't supervise what she tweets, and she has since apologized (on her own accord) as have I to you earlier this morning.

Maybe contextualizing that she was provoked to tweet what she did (independently) because she witnessed me crying twice, before stream and during stream, because I felt I lost a friend I hold dear & I didn't know what to do about it.

It hurt her to see me like that.

POINT 4:

I never claimed I completely cleaned up my act. I specifically defended my (lack of) usage of F-Slur on Rajj since Oct 2018.

Ableist slurs was Remi's point, not mine. My discomfort was categorically on racial slurs, but specifically Hard-R.

I admit completely I can do better. And after being called out will reevaluate my positions on them as well.

Also, anything before Oct 2018 reforming I denounce. There's quite a few clips I'm embarrassed of in modern times to be frank.

As for my "niglet" joke earlier this week via imgur.com/a/saOuLeW

I interpreted that as different because:

1) It's MYSELF I'm "dehumanizing" as a form of self-deprecating-humor
2) It didn't use the Hard-R, specifically

(I get it's of racial quality, but being honest)

I wasn't attacking you for jokes you use, or else I'd probably asked to give me an example of one you'd use to better understand the justification within your principles.

It was, as the earlier clip mentions, that Hard-R gets used, possibly as a punchline / pejorative manner.

POINT 5:

That clip is an isolated framing of a longer discussion I had. I never said you were racist or implied you were (not saying you did).

I spoke w/ Hasan mostly to rant to someone about HOW I FELT.

The emotional sting & the lack of any DMs of concern since made me think you already dropped me mentally because it seemed so easy for you to say -- at that time.

I've admitted earlier I regret not making it a private convo. So this IS ultimately my fault & for that I am sorry.

I was hesitant to confront you privately beforehand cuz I was scared of the inevitably with the ultimatum / conflicts I was dealing with. I didn't want to disassociate from you yet struggled to figure out why.

I now know. And invite talking about it (& tokenism) further soon.