THREAD. Let me tell you a story. Though my ma, Claire, died in 2010 and my dad in 2015 my sister and I weren't able to get their ashes together until earlier this year (for reasons I won't bore you with). We'd long planned to scatter them in appropriate places. In april we did 1/
My dad Des Rayner, was a terrific painter (read more about him here: theguardian.com/artanddesign/2…). He'd always said the nearest he'd get to Tate Britain was if his ashes were scattered on the steps so that was the first stop.I was sitting on those steps scattering the ashes when...2/
...I looked up and saw a senior chap using the handrail. As he got closer I realised it was Ken Clarke. The current politics makes curious bed fellows; I thanked him for his statements of sanity in the house. He nodded as I got out the way to let him pass, then... 3/
...he stomped straight through my dad's ashes and walked him into the Tate on his hush puppies. Excellent. Job done. And thank you Ken Clarke 4/
Next we took Claire to the Royal College of Nursing. She started her working life as a nurse in the very late 40s, and ended that way too, campaigning on the nation's health issues. It was only right that we scatter her ashes on the steps... 5/ 
My sister Amanda and I decided a bit of lunch was in order,so we went to @TheIvyWestSt, because they'd always loved it there. We raised a glass. At one point, I discovered there was a gap down the back of a banquette. It seemed only right they should stay there for ever. So...6/
While the waiters weren't looking I decanted my parents' combined remains into the dining room of the Ivy. We had just one last stop. My parents loved the theatre and musicals in particular. I called up my dear fried @andynyman who was playing Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof... 7/
to huge, award-nominated acclaim. My idea was that we'd give him a pot plant, scatter some ashes around it and then they'd be backstage for the run. We DID do that. But Andy (and his other half @sophbags; credit where it's due) had a better idea. It was an hour or so before...8/
...the matinee. He took us up on stage @ThePlayhouseLDN to show us the magnificent set. He showed us Tevye's cart. He showed us Tevye's milk churns and how the lids came off. And when no one was looking we decanted my parents in to the churn 9/
From April 2019 until the show finished its run a few weeks ago Claire and Des Rayner did 8 performances a week in Fiddler on the Roof. Here's a pic of me, Andy, Andy's beard, my sister Amanda and the churn 10/
Occasionally Andy would text me to tell me whether they'd been any good in that day's matinee or evening performance. I've waited to tell this story, until the run had ended. I didn't want them turfed out of the production. We now like to think... 11/
...the churn has gone into some enormous prop store and that my dear late parents will keep popping up in ropey amateur productions of The Sound of Music or Oklahoma. It's what they would have wanted. I think. Here endeth the thread 11/
