I'm going to do a slow thread of self-care suggestions for Christmas that I've tried before. Not all of them will be useful/meaningful to everyone, but here are some things that have helped me to celebrate and feel happier and more peaceful.
First, one of the most powerful things I've ever done is to decide to give myself a good Christmas. Not to mentally transfer that to anyone else, where they might have to guess or be responsible for my day, but to take on full responsibility for my own enjoyment, however I can.
That gift that I reaaaally want and that someone else might not realise is important to me, or that it doesn't feel appropriate to ask for? I buy it for myself, if I can afford it. I wrap it up under the tree. "To me, love me." I did it when I was single. I still do it now.
When there is something I can or need to ask directly for -- something I'd like to happen or do -- I do that, out loud. "I would like... please!" Likewise, "I don't want... thanks" I leave absolutely no room for guessing. Clear, direct communication as much as possible.
I have stopped getting caught up on dates and timings too. I won't see my son on Christmas Day this year, so we're just having Christmas earlier. I don't HAVE to see a particular person on *insert official Christmas date* for that relationship to count and be meaningful.
I think letting every Christmas be different is really important too. Things change year on year. That can be SO hard, and there is lots of room for grief in that. It is right to grieve what's lost, but I try to balance out what's gone with what I can make new each year.
It is NEVER too late to start a new tradition or ritual. Be the ritual-maker! The tradition-renewer! Build on what's come before or create a new magic. Go all out! There is huge power in saying, "I'm going to make this meaningful." You don't have to wait to be given meaning.
Letting people around you be just who they are this year is, I think, the best gift you can give them. It's the best gift you can give yourself, too. It's not easy, but leaving space for folk to behave not as you expect or not what you're used to, is really helpful for everyone.
You don't HAVE to do anything. Not even if you've always done it before. You're allowed to change your mind, say no, say, "I need to do something different this year." If you're being honest and kind, other people's reactions are on them, not on you (and it'll probably be fine!)
We get stuck in these loops and scripts and patterns that feel like prisons. They're not. You're the boss. You can change things.
Christmas is supposed to be a rest. You're allowed to clear a big chunk of time to just flop. You can always see people in January, or February, or later in the year. You don't have to send Christmas cards if you're too tired.
And if you do ALL THIS and still feel like crap, if you feel cross or upset, or you just end up feeling hugely grumpy and fragile about the whole thing, that's ok too. We don't suddenly become our best selves for one week a year. You don't have to be your best self.
And finally, Arthur Christmas is the best Christmas film and I can't imagine Christmas without it now. OK, that's it from me. I'm sure you all have loads more! xx
