Stopped in to a pub to watch the late football games.
A man comes in, sidles up in the space next to me and orders a drink. Late 50’s maybe.
Wearing a Steelers shirt. Asks if they can turn one of the TVs to the game but he wasn’t really watching.
1/
A man comes in, sidles up in the space next to me and orders a drink. Late 50’s maybe.
Wearing a Steelers shirt. Asks if they can turn one of the TVs to the game but he wasn’t really watching.
1/
He wanted to talk.
Made jokes with the guy on his left and with me on his right.
He seemed like one of those affable guys who isn’t going to let you dive into your phone for longer than a few minutes at a time.
Introduced himself to me and the dude on his other side.
2/
Made jokes with the guy on his left and with me on his right.
He seemed like one of those affable guys who isn’t going to let you dive into your phone for longer than a few minutes at a time.
Introduced himself to me and the dude on his other side.
2/
Other Dude was half-watching the Raiders game and buried in his phone and I had no particular rooting interest, so I put down the phone and tuned in to Mr. Steelers.
We got to talking. He polished off a shot and a beer. Then he backed both of us up for another round.
3/
We got to talking. He polished off a shot and a beer. Then he backed both of us up for another round.
3/
We had about zero in common on the surface.
I worked in marketing. He was a cop and ran juvi programs.
His kids have kids. My son is twelve.
Other Dude wanted no part of the convo so it was just the two of us talking. Me and Mr. Steelers.
4/
I worked in marketing. He was a cop and ran juvi programs.
His kids have kids. My son is twelve.
Other Dude wanted no part of the convo so it was just the two of us talking. Me and Mr. Steelers.
4/
He divorced when his four kids were little. Worked a variety of jobs and careers to get through those years.
Bought back his old house post-divorce to be near his kids.
Lived in the basement for six months while his wife and her new husband lived upstairs.
5/
Bought back his old house post-divorce to be near his kids.
Lived in the basement for six months while his wife and her new husband lived upstairs.
5/
On the surface, he was the same sort of stoic as my grandfather. Firm handshake. Looked you in the eye. Been through shit. Seen shit. Went on about it.
But he was a little glassy eyed and not from the drinks.
And so we did what men in bars do. Half-watched and talked.
6/
But he was a little glassy eyed and not from the drinks.
And so we did what men in bars do. Half-watched and talked.
6/
Turns out he put up his Christmas tree today and it was the first year he did it himself without any of his kids there.
Spent the day going through boxes. Pulling out ornaments. Thumbing through pictures of Christmases past.
It had been a day of joyful ache. I get all that.
7/
Spent the day going through boxes. Pulling out ornaments. Thumbing through pictures of Christmases past.
It had been a day of joyful ache. I get all that.
7/
I told him a bit about my son and my own path and all of the things that have gotten me from where I once was to where I am now.
And we talked about the bigger picture.
No one ever talks about your house at your funeral. No one remembers your cars.
8/
And we talked about the bigger picture.
No one ever talks about your house at your funeral. No one remembers your cars.
8/
On the surface, me and this guy couldn’t have been more different.
There was nothing remotely similar about our career paths. But below that, we were pretty damn similar.
His father was an accountant. Mine a lawyer. We both rejected all that.
9/
There was nothing remotely similar about our career paths. But below that, we were pretty damn similar.
His father was an accountant. Mine a lawyer. We both rejected all that.
9/
We both hit midlife and divorce and took roads less traveled to be around our kids.
The ex-cop and the guy who worked in marketing.
If we had nowhere to go and all night to get there, there would have been shots until we were telling drunken stories of our kids.
10/
The ex-cop and the guy who worked in marketing.
If we had nowhere to go and all night to get there, there would have been shots until we were telling drunken stories of our kids.
10/
But I’m driving and he was expecting company...
And then his company arrived.
It was his son. A fireman. Works here in town.
Couldn’t make it to decorate today because he was working.
11/
And then his company arrived.
It was his son. A fireman. Works here in town.
Couldn’t make it to decorate today because he was working.
11/
His father made sure he got a bar seat while he stood. Asked if he was hungry and made sure he ordered some food.
And then things got a bit quiet.
The guy who had clearly wanted the company and wanted the conversation got quiet.
12/
And then things got a bit quiet.
The guy who had clearly wanted the company and wanted the conversation got quiet.
12/
The son had a burger. His father stood at the bar between us in the same place he had been before his son had arrived.
They chatted a little bit. Small talk.
And then I realized the son had on a Steelers hat to match his dad’s Steelers shirt.
13/
They chatted a little bit. Small talk.
And then I realized the son had on a Steelers hat to match his dad’s Steelers shirt.
13/
His father showing up early, asking for them to change the TVs to the game, scoping out some space at the bar...
...it wasn’t ever about the game.
This is there thing.
To the son, it’s just meeting his dad as always at the place they meet up.
It’s... regular.
14/
...it wasn’t ever about the game.
This is there thing.
To the son, it’s just meeting his dad as always at the place they meet up.
It’s... regular.
14/
To the dad though, it’s the thing he put down those boxes of old holiday pictures for and found his jersey and headed out early for.
The father said very little while they were next to me and all I could think was “I wonder if he knows how much his father loves him.”
15/
The father said very little while they were next to me and all I could think was “I wonder if he knows how much his father loves him.”
15/
I don’t know. You can never see into others’ lives from the outside.
I hope, for his sake, he does though.
That’s a dad who loves his kids; soaks up their company; misses them when they’re gone; and probably says little of all that.
16/
I hope, for his sake, he does though.
That’s a dad who loves his kids; soaks up their company; misses them when they’re gone; and probably says little of all that.
16/
When he first walked in, I looked at his Steelers shirt and thought it felt a little off. He wasn’t a diehard fan. You could just tell...
It was never about the Steelers though. It was about the “together” more than the “watching”.
17/
It was never about the Steelers though. It was about the “together” more than the “watching”.
17/
As a father, that’s something I can totally understand.
I wonder if his son knows.
I hope he does.
18/18
I wonder if his son knows.
I hope he does.
18/18
