Thread by @thehoff102

Hi all.

I have now made the decision to reopen my account.

I closed my account after receiving abuse for highlighting Richard Kemp's bigotry towards Muslims, being libelled by somebody and had my address revealed in a threatening way by a far left Corbynite FB group. /1

This was scary, upsetting and affected my mental health badly.

I feel embarrassed by that as I know people go through far worse as have I. One reason I was badly affected was I felt I was not able to cope.

It affected me so badly I cancelled a trip to see family in Israel. /2

I also have fought a running battle with clinical depression and am lucky to have an incredibly supportive boss in Fiyaz Mughal at @MAAS_UK.

In terms of support for my mental health, him and @lukeakehurst when he was my boss have been incredible. /3

At times like this when I have just spent a week in a low away from everyone, stuck in the house and feeling I cannot move, I don't see it, but at least unlike in May 2018 when I voluntarily went in to a mental health hospital I am a lot better./4

The problem is, as I beat myself up and have a lack of self belief I don't see it.

The sign though I am coming out of a low is I can talk about it. /5

In May 2018 I was suicidal, and did not see friends for months.

I was not capable of doing any work and I could not look after myself.

However bad this week has been I am nowhere near there. /6

I outline below why the abuse triggered me badly

1. It was coming from people who were making me feel like a bad Jew and harming the fight against Antisemitism. My Jewish identity is so important to me I took this to heart.

They won't stop me condemning all hate. /7

2. It was on the back of months of abuse I'd received mostly from antisemites on the far left and a few from the far right.

3. I felt on my own. Like I was one of the few condemning all forms of hate. /8

4. Someone who had bullied me 8 years before was libelling m nastily online. Being bullied at school is a key to my depression. I was being taken back to the playground.

5. The abuse took place at a time I was going through and still am a deeply distressing personal situation./9

I know people will feel I should not be so open about my mental health, but I have nothing to hide.

Its not something I should be forced to hide and I would hope friends, family and employers would be understanding.

If not, they are not the sort of people I need in my life. /10

I am lucky to have the support of friends, family and an incredible mentor at @HertsMind.

Others however are not so lucky and I want to support them based on my own experiences. To listen to them, to support them and help them talk about it. /11

One area I'd be interested in looking at is the impact of trolling online.

I know @CommissionCE & @CCDHate have done work in this area and I would like to support their work practically.

@Imi_Ahmed I will be in touch to see how I can support @CCDHate. /12

To those struggling, don't be embarrassed, don't allow the haters to stigmatise you. You are not on your own.

There is support out there. Do get in touch with me or better still contact amazing groups like @HertsMind, @samaritans, @Rethink_ , @TogetherMW & others. /13

I know it's not easy. You don't want to contact people. You want to be away from everyone and just hide away. I did that and did not turn up to meetings to support my mental health.

Part of the illness is thinking you are beyond help, nobody can help and you are a failure. /14

I know that's how I felt like for the past week.

Everything was pitch black and no matter what anybody said they could not get through to me.

Everyone was better than me and I was useless, so I felt done fighting. /15

This is where you all come in. I have a lack of self belief. It's awful supporting people going through this, but you have to big them up and make them see they are not a failure and offer a lot as every human being is unique and special.

Heck maybe you can even support me! /16

It's ok to feel like that, but it's not reality. You can get through it and there is support.

There will always be triggers, like there was for me last week.

But, in may 2018 if you'd have told me I'd be doing paid job which I love at @MAAS_UK , I would have said no chance. /17

I am proof you can lead a fulfilling life whilst managing depression and anxiety.

You learn to manage and deal with lows as @campbellclaret showed in his documentary.

My take away from this low is to monitor and write about my feelings daily. To beat myself up less. /18

Writing today is the start of this.

I'm going to write a daily blog.
called Hoff's mental health diary.

This would not be as self indulgent as it sounds as I would use it not just to support myself, but to get people to talk about their mental health. /19

When it comes to mental health it can impact on us all.

There are different triggers and it is no respecter of age, wealth, gender, race, religion or creed.

That's the best thing you can say about mental health, it certainly is not prejudiced. /20

I know myself I sometimes feel people go through far worse thus pathetic.

That's not true, it's just a condition like say dyspraxia or Asthma. You manage it and it can happen to anyone.

Remember mental health conditions impact on 1 in 4 in UK. It's nothing to be ashamed of. /21

When it comes to mental health it depends on the person. We are all individuals after all.

For me medicine stabilises me, but is not enough on its own. That's where for me music, writing, talking and my mentor come in.

I've tried going cold turkey on social media. /22

For some that works. I tried it again this week on the advice of friends and family. It is good advice, but does not work for me. It just isolated myself more and put me further in my black hole. It's why I'm back on Twitter. /23

It may just be certain forms of social media. For me it's Instagram.

It pictured the perfect life for everyone, when in reality we all have problems. After all as @Ronankeat says Life is a Rollercoaster.

I deleted Instagram as it made me feel everyone else was a success. /24

I'd like to end this stream of consciousness with a piece where I talked about my mental health for @Voice_of_Salam.

voiceofsalam.com/2019/02/07/its… /25

Just a couple of minor things there are a few things that regardless of you as an individual can help with mental health struggles.

1. Exercise - whether that is walking, running or even just moving downstairs. Maybe a small task like walking around the house each day. /26

2. Getting professional help - I know part of the problem is you feel nobody can help, but it can. /27

3. Talking - bottling it all up never helps - you will be surprised how many friends, family and complete strangers will want to help. I know I was. /28

4. Eat Bananas - lots of Seratonin which is the equivalent of the best thing since sliced bread for the brain. It releases a chemical, which makes you happier and calmer. /29

There is another group I forgot to mention who are amazing - check out JAMI who run the great headspace cafes. /30.

This may not work for everyone but I'm a sucker for a positive quote. So this positive book of affirmations helped me loads! /31

amazon.co.uk/Little-Book-Af…

I hope what I have written helps people and increases understanding.

Please feel free to share, comment and ask me any questions you have. /32

One last thing. Be nicer to each other. Hate less. Love more. Whatever you may think we are all humans and cannot go through this life on our own and at some stage will need help. That's why we need to care for each other. /33