*** LOVE ACTUALLY LIVE-TWEET: THE RULES***
This lecture explores the Christmas classic Love Actually through the lens of English & Welsh law.
Contributions are welcome, but I'm perfectly prepared to tweet the entire film to a wall of embarrassed silence.
#LawActually
This lecture explores the Christmas classic Love Actually through the lens of English & Welsh law.
Contributions are welcome, but I'm perfectly prepared to tweet the entire film to a wall of embarrassed silence.
#LawActually
This paper considers, inter alia, how the romantic journeys of our love-struck ensemble might have been different had they all been subject to the law of England and Wales, and had certain characters been slightly more litigious/willing to dial 999.
*COUGH KEIRA COUGH*
*COUGH KEIRA COUGH*
Some basic rules so we’re all singing from the same (Craig Armstrong) song sheet:
As I am not an American lawyer, nor diligent enough to do the research, we assume that all activity takes place in the jurisdiction of England and Wales.
As I am not an American lawyer, nor diligent enough to do the research, we assume that all activity takes place in the jurisdiction of England and Wales.
Also, there’s no presumption of doli incapax here. We’re treating all children as over the age of criminal responsibility (10 years, since you didn’t ask). Heathrow security will thank me for this later.
Finally, I’ve had a disaster with WiFi today. As in, it’s stopped working and my useless provider has failed to fix it despite being fully aware of the importance of the #LawActually live tweet to all our lives.
This means we’re reliant on a DVD. Which would be fine, except...
This means we’re reliant on a DVD. Which would be fine, except...
Our DVD of Love Actually is a Malaysian version (don’t ask). Due to Malay censors, the storyline with Martin Freeman & Joanna Page has been cut (aside from their unexplained appearance in the final scene). So if they commit porn crimes, I’m afraid they’re gonna get away with it.
The opening credits are rolling, and we’re off.
I’ll level with you, it’s occurring to me that I may have to overreach to make legal observations in this film. Hmm.
Ooh! Hugh Grant mentions terrorism! That, I can tell you, is legally a crime.
Lawyered.
I’ll level with you, it’s occurring to me that I may have to overreach to make legal observations in this film. Hmm.
Ooh! Hugh Grant mentions terrorism! That, I can tell you, is legally a crime.
Lawyered.
Can we take a minute to just appreciate how good Bill Nighy is? Even if there is, possibly, a copyright issue with this cover.
Not with Wet Wet Wet - oh no. This song was originally by The Troggs. Fact: For many years I believed that Reg Presley singer of The Troggs was Elvis.
Not with Wet Wet Wet - oh no. This song was originally by The Troggs. Fact: For many years I believed that Reg Presley singer of The Troggs was Elvis.
I’m struggling with legal points in this scene. But Lobster Girl is excellent.
And it’s Andrew Lincoln! With the first of many offences against women! Right now he’s lolling at the altar about the sex workers he and his terrible friend have exploited. What’s he like?
Now our new Prime Minister is eyeing up the staff with lascivious intent.
I’ll leave you to decide whether this is part of the #LawActually thread or just an accurate estimation of what’s taking place in real life.
I’ll leave you to decide whether this is part of the #LawActually thread or just an accurate estimation of what’s taking place in real life.
HOW DO YOU SMUGGLE A BRASS BAND INTO A WEDDING???
Andrew Lincoln’s video camera is out. Or, as it shall be referred to in court, “Exhibit A”.
Andrew Lincoln’s video camera is out. Or, as it shall be referred to in court, “Exhibit A”.
This is a good point. I should have spotted it.
Colin, God of Sex is behaving in a way which would give any employment tribunal no hesitation in dismissing his claim for unfair dismissal. He is a pest. His employer would also be vicariously liable for any of Colin’s acts of sexual harassment, so may want to keep an eye on him.
It’s the Liam Neeson funeral scene that always brings a lump to my throat.
Second best scene he’s done since this. Which, by the way, would be an absolute shitstorm of a criminal legal live tweet. Maybe Easter.
Second best scene he’s done since this. Which, by the way, would be an absolute shitstorm of a criminal legal live tweet. Maybe Easter.
Alan Rickman. Hands down the best thing in cinema. In everything he’s done. This is pure legal fact.
Even when, as now, he’s taking an unhealthy, and legally dubious, interest in the sex lives of his employees.
Even when, as now, he’s taking an unhealthy, and legally dubious, interest in the sex lives of his employees.
Bill Nighy is swearing on Radio Watford, to the horror of Marcus Brigstocke. Abusive words or behaviour with intent to cause harassment, alarm or distress? Why yes, it’s a summary offence contrary to s4A Public Order Act 1986.
Exactly:
It’s apparently obligatory to remind viewers that there was only 5 years in age between Keira Knightley and the young whippersnapper who will soon [SPOILER ALERT] be committing a smorgasbord of aviation and terrorism offences.
Colin Firth has relocated to Portugal.
Nice freedom of movement you’ve got there, Col. Be a shame if anything were to happen to it.
Nice freedom of movement you’ve got there, Col. Be a shame if anything were to happen to it.
Hugh Grant (who my spellchecker insists on correcting to High Grant), is quizzing Tiffany off Eastenders about her sex life.
And now he’s teetering on a conspiracy to murder Tiff’s boyfriend. It’s a big first day.
And now he’s teetering on a conspiracy to murder Tiff’s boyfriend. It’s a big first day.
It’s one of the best scenes in the whole film.
“Yes I have, Ant or Dec”.
Just magnificent.
With an offence of encouraging the possession of controlled drugs contrary to section 45 of the Serious Crime Act 2007 thrown in at the end.
“Yes I have, Ant or Dec”.
Just magnificent.
With an offence of encouraging the possession of controlled drugs contrary to section 45 of the Serious Crime Act 2007 thrown in at the end.
I’ve been angrily reminded by my co-viewer that Colin is in France, not Portugal. Aurélia is Portuguese. But in France. Apparently.
Do people not have better things to do than sit around pedantically pointing out other people’s mistakes?
Do people not have better things to do than sit around pedantically pointing out other people’s mistakes?
A good question. If Brit can show that being dubbed “a rubbish shag” on Radio Watford has caused serious harm to her reputation, there might be a cause of action under the Defamation Act 2013.
President Billy Bob has arrived. And the sexual energy between him and High Grant is Off. The. Scale.
Now he’s sexually assaulting Tiffany. What will the PM do as an employer? If he’s unsure, he should call the Acas Helpline, a free service which offers legal info on 0300123100.
Now he’s sexually assaulting Tiffany. What will the PM do as an employer? If he’s unsure, he should call the Acas Helpline, a free service which offers legal info on 0300123100.
Ah, instead High has chosen to give *that* press conference, with maximum pass agg.
Not sure how much applause there would be if the press knew he was actually just peeved because BillyBob had felt up a woman that High believed he had a proprietary interest in.
Not sure how much applause there would be if the press knew he was actually just peeved because BillyBob had felt up a woman that High believed he had a proprietary interest in.
Right. Turns out the Malaysian Love Actually does not have English subtitles for the scenes between Colin Firth and Aurélia. But his entire book has gone into a lake.
You can buy a USB stick for £2.99, you cheap non-combatant.
You can buy a USB stick for £2.99, you cheap non-combatant.
Nincompoop. That should read “NINCOMPOOP”. But at least we all now know what autocorrect will change that word to.
Keira’s at the door!
Uh oh!
She’s about to discover his Dungeon of Voyeurism.
Uh oh!
She’s about to discover his Dungeon of Voyeurism.
Now, as we watch Keira manfully mask her terror at discovering the man who surreptitiously filmed her all through her wedding day, let’s look at section 67 of the Sexual Offences Act 2003: Voyeurism.
This is plainly for sexual gratification. The offence hinges, in my view, on whether the wedding constitutes a “private act” (s67(1)(a)). I’m not sure it does. At least on that video. We’ll have to wait for the search warrant to be executed to find out what’s on the other 200.
Now High is responding to the sexual harassment of his employee by having her “redistributed”, which sounds like Mob lingo for something involving a hatchet and a disused junkyard, but is fortunately just a serious breach of section 26 of the Equality Act 2010.
Colin Firth has just been in a minor Road Traffic Accident, which wasn’t entirely his fault. If he’s sustained whiplash, he’s going to be screwed by the Civil Liability Act 2018, which makes it very difficult for injured people to recover compensation.
Apparently, the gallery with “dark corners for doing dark deeds” belongs to Lincoln.
Of course it does.
Of course it does.
A good question. It is an offence to make an indecent photograph of somebody under 18 (section 1 of the Protection of Children Act 1978).
However, what is “indecent” is judged by reference to the image, and not the intent of the maker. So no offence here.
However, what is “indecent” is judged by reference to the image, and not the intent of the maker. So no offence here.
Carl - what is all the fuss about? I mean, seriously? His tan lines around his bottom are a disgrace.
Stay tuned for more cutting edge legal commentary. You don’t get this with Blackstones.
Stay tuned for more cutting edge legal commentary. You don’t get this with Blackstones.
I actually don’t think I can watch the scenes between Emma Thompson and Alan Rickman without welling up. They are just so magnificently perfect.
Speaking of perfection...
There’s an interesting question as to at what point during the attempted purchase of this necklace a contract is actually made. Alan Rickman walks off just as it is about to be popped in the Christmas box. But was the contract already complete? Any lawyers who know, chip in.
Sam is practising drums. A lot. In a London terraced house. The walls in those places, I know from bitter experience, are wafer thin. His neighbours should apply to the local authority for a noise abatement order and nip this in the bud.
Colin God of Sex is now in the US picking up January Jones while The Calling croon in the background. Remember them?
4 girls living in a single bedroom? I hope the landlord has carried out the requisite HMO fire risk assessments.
4 girls living in a single bedroom? I hope the landlord has carried out the requisite HMO fire risk assessments.
Getting trolled by the Sam Fans. THE BOY IS A MENACE, RACHEL.
Oh God. It’s The Scene.
Genuinely one of the greatest two minutes in movie history. I can’t not tear up.
Genuinely one of the greatest two minutes in movie history. I can’t not tear up.
Going back to Rowan Atkinson, I think this analysis has to be right.
“We hate Uncle Jamie”.
Look, he quit his job to write a book which he typed on a TYPEWRITER and made no back up and it went into a lake and now he’s maxed out his credit cards on cheap gifts to appease you, you ungrateful little shits.
Look, he quit his job to write a book which he typed on a TYPEWRITER and made no back up and it went into a lake and now he’s maxed out his credit cards on cheap gifts to appease you, you ungrateful little shits.
It. Is. On.
Please turn in your statute books to the Protection from Harassment Act 1997. We’ll start at section 2.
Please turn in your statute books to the Protection from Harassment Act 1997. We’ll start at section 2.
Harassment requires a course of conduct, which is two incidents or more that cause harassment, alarm or distress. I think it’s fair to say that Keira was alarmed by the Video Dungeon and by this sudden uninvited intrusion on her doorstep. Course of conduct established.
Secondly, he knows or at least ought to know that this amounts to harassment. So s1(1)(b) is also satisfied. I can’t see that any defences in subsection 3 are applicable. So I think, subject to a cooperative complainant, we have enough to get him.
I would actually say his conduct goes beyond harassment and qualifies as stalking, contrary to s2A (just check out subs (3). This also has the benefit of affording the police powers to enter his dungeon pursuant to section 2A and seize his illicit voyeurism collection. Win win.
And now Prime Minister High is enlisting public officials to help him track down harassed employees for sexual purposes. Now *this* is a prosecution for misconduct in public office that we can all get behind.
It’s (possibly) an offence of sexual activity in the presence of a child! In fact hundreds of children! And they’re all applauding! This is, well, yes.
“Let’s go and get the shit kicked out of us by love”, announces Sam, the bold little tyke. In reality, he’s about to go and get it kicked out of him by airport security guards. Thank goodness his dad has a very special set of skills.
The airport. At the very least Sam is obstructing an authorised person contrary to s21E of the Aviation Security Act 1982.
Neeson is encouraging the commission of this offence, abetted by Atkinson. It’s a lark to them, but this is going to ruin Christmas for a lot of travellers.
Neeson is encouraging the commission of this offence, abetted by Atkinson. It’s a lark to them, but this is going to ruin Christmas for a lot of travellers.
For some reason, the useless officers just let him go! Whereas Sam and Neeson should clearly be stopped and questioned pursuant to Schedule 7 of the Terrorism Act 2000. Amateurs.
Maybe this explains it. You’re in the wrong job, Len.
The Colin Firth and Aurélia scene is lovely. And I’m no immigration specialist, but I fear for Jamie and Aurélia when Freedom of Movement goes. If the current rules for non-EU applicants are extended to EU nationals, I can’t see Aurélia meeting the entry clearance requirements.
I think they’ll be hit by the financial requirements. Aurélia’s income is unlikely to meet the minimum gross income requirement of £18,600. And Jamie is broke and years away from getting his book published after refusing to invest in a £2.99 USB stick. Sorry guys.
And now it’s the final airport scene. Which I defy you not to enjoy. It’s really lovely. No law, just fact.
And that’s the end of the film! It went so quickly! I haven’t even had time to prepare a plea in mitigation for Andrew Lincoln. He’ll have to rely on the duty solicitor at the mags.
Well that’s it! Thank you so much for your company, your patience and your general loveliness. Twitter gets a lot of stick, but you folks make it a wonderful place. I love you all. Truly.
Have a wonderful Christmas, and take care of each other. I’ll leave you all in peace. ❤️
Have a wonderful Christmas, and take care of each other. I’ll leave you all in peace. ❤️
