On December 30, 2019, AWS launched a simplified set of AWS Service Terms. This is my analysis of those terms.
aws.amazon.com/service-terms/
aws.amazon.com/service-terms/
It's worth highlighting that these terms override the customer agreement, or any other custom agreement you may have negotiated with them. They apply to everyone with no override!
"You must comply with current technical documentation posted on the @awscloud site." You first, buddy.
By using AWS, you're agreeing not to disclose AWS Confidential Information. It's a clickthrough NDA. How... enforceable.
If you benchmark AWS offerings, you grant them the right to benchmark your service in return and publish the results. That's the "Fuck You, Oracle" clause.
If you use a beta service, they will shut it down and delete your data when the beta completes, just like Google does.
"BETA SERVICES... MAY CONTAIN BUGS, ERRORS, DEFECTS, OR HARMFUL COMPONENTS." And so may generally available services, too!
"We may delete, without liability, any of Your Content that sits in an Amazon SQS queue" seems like a dangerous term.
If you use Microsoft software in ec2: Microsoft is not responsible for providing any support in connection with the Services. Do not contact Microsoft for support. Honestly, "do not contact @microsoft for support" may as well be MS's slogan.
IBM software and Microsoft SQL Server are not allowed to run on Spot instances. Ergo nothing that lives at github.com/ibm should be used for any app that may potentially run on spot instances. Either @awscloud declares war on @IBM, or IBM shot itself in the foot.
"We may terminate the EC2 Reserved Instance and EC2 Dedicated Host Reservation pricing program at any time." Please let that time be now. Savings Plans are the way and the light.
If you use a credit card to buy a RI, you can't sell it on the marketplace for 30 days after the transaction. And that's how they fight credit card chargebacks!
"Media shipped to us for import into or export fromo supported AWS Services" typos AWS Legal. The FROMO is real! This page has no feedback link so I use Twitter dot com instead. I can't believe this website is free.
"You may not allow Snowmobile Materials to leave the Transfer Site other than under the supervision of personnel designated by AWS." That's how they kill my joyriding plans.
"We may charge you the applicable lost device fee specified on the AWS Snowball pricing pages" Liars! The fee is not disclosed anywhere on those pages. I have looked; it's relevant to a project I have in mind.
If you use Oracle Software on AWS, you're screwed. You can't benchmark it, nor use it for rental, timesharing, subscription services, hosting, or outsourcing.
"The Uniform Computer Information Transactions Act does not apply to your use of the Oracle Software." And there's Oracle exempting itself from more laws.
To use GovCloud, you're bound by its own terms of service, which are only available once you log into GovCloud. Genius!
"You and End Users may only use the WorkSpaces client software on computer equipment owned or controlled by you or your End Users." As opposed to what?!
"We may change, discontinue, or deprecate support for any third-party identity provider at any time without prior notice." Good planning for when Google Googles the sign-in-with-Google ID provider.
"We'll pay you a thousand dollars every time you sneak our name into this paragraph" and a lawyer now has a shiny new motorcycle. 
"If you displease Apple, they will come after you, not us" disclaims Device Farm.
"Sure we will" replies Apple.
"Sure we will" replies Apple.
"You agree not to install persistent software on EC2 instances" feels like a relic from a bygone era.
There's a list of things you can't do with Device Farm, but "turn the phones into listening devices inside the datacenter" isn't on it. Score!
You must have all necessary rights needed to use any domain name with Amplify. Still holding out hope for lastweekin.aws!
Unused IoT Device Shadows and Device Registries get deleted after 12 months / 7 years respectively.
The Lumberyard Zombie Clause survives!
You may not use *Amazon* AI Services to develop a competing service. And the Hypocrisy of the Decade award goes to...
"Don't use Amazon Connect Contact Lens to compete with us either" snivels @awscloud as it devours another partner's business.
"And absolutely don't use Amazon Fraud Detector to compete with us either" cries @awscloud as it launches a competing service to your entire business.
The Mechanical Turk section explicitly disallows @expensify's use of the service for receipts. arstechnica.com/information-te…
You must have Enterprise Support to use AWS Outposts, which adds another $15K a month minimum to the cost.
Outposts are exempt from SLA requirements / compliance certifications because they pretty much have to be. Your shitty datacenter, your shitty compliance and availability problems.
If you use the End of Support Migration Program for Windows, you must move the application to AWS; you can't run it elsewhere or on-prem. BUT AWS FEARS NO COMPETITION!!1!
AWS IQ says: "We attest that folks have certifications, but for all we know they're complete craphounds who managed to somehow pass a test."
"If said craphound destroys your AWS infrastructure and steals all of your data, it sucks to be you. We will still charge you for it."
"Anything that's not in a private Route 53 zone will be disclosed and it's your fault."
"SES is not the email sender under CAN-SPAM" but firewall blocklists say otherwise.
None of these terms are new; they simply reorganized the page and made it way shorter.
