It had been raining heavily for the past 3 hours on this cold night in Nairobi's sprawling Mathare slum. Cyprian Nyakundi was hunched infront of his 2008 Mac Book Pro typing away furiously and his friend Nyamweya lay on the bare 4 by 6 mattress beside him.
Nyamweya was an associate of Nyakundi, and they had spent a few years together coming up with small schemes to make money to survive in the concrete jungle that was the city in the sun.
Do not forget to mention the part where the directors of the bank flew out of the country...
Do not forget to mention the part where the directors of the bank flew out of the country...
...in a braifet chet with 10 million tollas in cash, Nyamweya quips.
Nyakundi intertwines his fingers and stretches as far as his hands can go as his knuckles crack loudly even though the noise from the rain hits the mabati rolling mills roof is deafening.
This is our big break
Nyakundi intertwines his fingers and stretches as far as his hands can go as his knuckles crack loudly even though the noise from the rain hits the mabati rolling mills roof is deafening.
This is our big break
Nyakundi murmurs to himself.
Nyakundi has been a Twitter TL parasite for very many years. Several of his accounts have been permanently banned on the app but he still finds a way to register a new account and run his extortion scams. He mostly makes KES 3K to 6K a week...
Nyakundi has been a Twitter TL parasite for very many years. Several of his accounts have been permanently banned on the app but he still finds a way to register a new account and run his extortion scams. He mostly makes KES 3K to 6K a week...
...extorting low level "celebrities" in Kenya by threatening them with publishing damaging stories about them. They cough up the money to try to protect whatever dignity they have left in their tormented souls.
THIS IS OUR BIG BREAK! He shouts.
THIS IS OUR BIG BREAK! He shouts.
*Amitbhai (Imaginary name since I do not know who the real directors of Victoria Bank are), a tall thin man of Indian origin paced back and forth in his 16th floor hard wood paneled office with a crystal whisky glass in his hand.
He stopped suddenly and took a huge gulp...
He stopped suddenly and took a huge gulp...
...and walked over to what he referred to as his "Command Center" an all glass temperature controlled floor to ceiling cabinet stocked with rare and expensive beverages collected over the years during his business travels on the company expense account. He goes ahead and...
...picks up the half full bottle of Ledaig Dusgadh 42 Year Old Single Malt Scotch (it costs an average of five thousand dollars on the grey markets) and pours himself two generous double shots of the whisky and palms the crystal glass in his sweaty hands.
Who is this guy?
He screams as he turns towards the teak boardroom table at the far end of his expansive office.
Its a little after 1am, one of the gentlemen sitting on his table is a very well known criminal lawyer in Nairobi who handles all types of criminal cases on behalf
He screams as he turns towards the teak boardroom table at the far end of his expansive office.
Its a little after 1am, one of the gentlemen sitting on his table is a very well known criminal lawyer in Nairobi who handles all types of criminal cases on behalf
of his sleazy clients who are mostly politicians.
He slips out his $1,800 Bally loafer from both his feet and places them on the extra thick Persian rug that is spread beneath the boardroom table.
OHHH. He lets out a sigh of contentment.
Like I told you Amit, low level scammer.
He slips out his $1,800 Bally loafer from both his feet and places them on the extra thick Persian rug that is spread beneath the boardroom table.
OHHH. He lets out a sigh of contentment.
Like I told you Amit, low level scammer.
He replies matter of fact. And if the email they have sent with the attachment is anything to go by, this guy is an amateur. He says he wants 30 mikes Kenyan to make this story go away.
These guys are fools. If you give them a 1 shilling coin Amit you are a fool too.
These guys are fools. If you give them a 1 shilling coin Amit you are a fool too.
The other gentleman seated across from the criminal lawyer throws him that glance of "Do not speak to the boss like that".
The lawyer scoffs at him. He is an old Kenyan of Indian origin who has been by Amit's side ever since he joined Victoria Bank in Kenya back in 1998.
The lawyer scoffs at him. He is an old Kenyan of Indian origin who has been by Amit's side ever since he joined Victoria Bank in Kenya back in 1998.
The old man is short, around 5 feet two and quite fat. He looks like one of those cartoon characters with a huge round face and a bald head with silver grey hair on the sides of his bowling ball shaped head.
He undoes his 12 year old tie which his daughter got for him from...
He undoes his 12 year old tie which his daughter got for him from...
...Marks and Spencer for 80 sterling pounds while she was pursuing her PhD in Tropical Molecular Medicine in London. He saw the same exact tie the last time Amit and him went on a business trip at the Canary Wharf.
This my daughter is not Gujarati. Why he waste money like that??
This my daughter is not Gujarati. Why he waste money like that??
He wondered to himself as he sat there contemplating his fate with this new development.
I am not going to jail, he tells himself.
Amit Bhai, I tell you we negotiate with these people and make it go away. Vee cannot be caught up with all this dirty press nah. Finally, he speaks
I am not going to jail, he tells himself.
Amit Bhai, I tell you we negotiate with these people and make it go away. Vee cannot be caught up with all this dirty press nah. Finally, he speaks
The lawyer stands up and walks bare foot on the glossy hard wood floor as he makes his way to the glass cabinet for a refill. He pours himself a single tot of the expensive whisky and drowns with a seasoned swoop practiced over the years since he started his criminal law firm.
He then goes ahead and pours another generous double shot and walks towards Amit, who is now staring outside the tinted glass window overlooking Upper Hill.
This place is becoming the ghetto he says, as the lawyer stands by his side. When I came to Kenya over 20 years ago...
This place is becoming the ghetto he says, as the lawyer stands by his side. When I came to Kenya over 20 years ago...
Upper Hill was a nice quiet place. Now look. Everyone is erecting a stupid fancy tower here. This country! His thick Indian accent has been tamed over the years his diction and pronunciation taking up a somewhat Nairobi accent.
Leave it to me. Says the lawyer. I will handle it.
Leave it to me. Says the lawyer. I will handle it.
Amit's side kick opens the leather briefcase on the board room table and removes two wads of crisp 100 dollar bills, 10K each.
He hands them over to the lawyer who goes back and slips on his Bally loafers.
Good night guys and heads out to the designated parking in the basement
He hands them over to the lawyer who goes back and slips on his Bally loafers.
Good night guys and heads out to the designated parking in the basement
...where his driver, a former GSU police officer awaits him by his brand new all black Mercedes Benz G63 AMG.
Tuende Kilimani kwa IGP please.
They jump in the ride and the V12 Bi-Turbo engine growls to life.
Drive fast ananisubiri.
Tuende Kilimani kwa IGP please.
They jump in the ride and the V12 Bi-Turbo engine growls to life.
Drive fast ananisubiri.
The Scheme: Part 2
@threadreaderapp unroll
