Thread by @TheRealDoctorT

This is going to be a little different from my usual medical threads. Normally I write about some aspect of medicine, and frame it within a narrative of some sort.

Today is a going to get kinda weird, but bear with me.

Today is about a little something known as ICD-10. 1/

For the non-medical people who follow me, ICD-10 is a coding system that is used for many reasons. It provides a list of diagnosis and procedure codes that are used to bill for medical services.

There are codes for EVERYTHING.

The numbers in parentheses below are codes. 2/

I know what you’re thinking. A thread about billing? How boring! I bet you would honestly rather walk headfirst into a lamp post, multiple times (W22.02XD), right?

It’s okay, I understand. But this thread is really just a story.

Come with me. 3/

A few months ago, I visited some friends in Canada.

Before I could board my flight to go there I actually got sucked into the jet engine (V97.33XD).

Fortunately I wasn’t hurt, but I really looked quite bizarre (R46.1) by the time they got me to my seat, reeking of jet fuel. 4/

The flight itself was fairly uneventful until we hit a UFO (V95.43XA) and had to make an emergency landing.

Once I got out of the plane I had barely taken two steps before a duck flew out of nowhere and struck the back of my head (W61.62).

This was getting ridiculous. 5/

Mercifully the rest of the journey to Canada was fine, though I did have some issues with my in-laws (Z63.1) that I had to work through.

Ottawa was gorgeous.

The first night I went to the opera (Y92.253) and got a mild headache there, though I loved the music. 6/

The next day we went out onto the river for some water-skiing. Imagine my surprise when after a few moments I felt a strange heat and looked down to see that my water skis were ON FIRE (V91.07).

I didn’t even know that was possible... but it was an ICD-10 kinda trip. 7/

At this point, honestly, what more could go wrong?

Well, turns out a lot. As I was sitting on the riverbank, cooling off my burned feet from the water skis, I saw the sky darkening overhead.

“No way...” were the last words I said before being struck by lightning (T75.01). 8/

When I finally regained consciousness, it was because a raccoon was trying to slap me (W55.59).

I chased it away and slowly got to my feet. At this point I was feeling a little unsteady (R26), and fearful of further injury (F40.233).

I needed a massage (8E0KX1Z). 9/

As I headed back to my hotel, I checked my Twitter notifications, because (let’s face it), I’m kind of addicted to my phone (Z99.89).

By the time I arrived, I was so exhausted I just wanted to sleep.

Unfortunately (shocker) as I slept (Y93.84), I had bad nightmares (F51.5). 10/

The next day, for my sanity, I decided this vacation was over.

On my way out the hotel lobby, one of their pet macaws flew out of its enclosure and right into my face (W61.12). I swear I heard it shriek “ICD-10! ICD-10!”

I practically ran (Y93.02) to the airport. 11/

Mercifully the flight home was fairly uneventful, nothing I could really put an ICD-10 code to. I did get some hand cramps while knitting during the flight (Y93.D1), but that was about it.

Feel free to look up the ICD-10 codes I listed above via Google, and enjoy the madness...