Thread by @s_evansUP

Hello Lovely People,

Please make a cup of tea, find your best biscuits, and gather round for a thread on friendship, persistence, how we feel versus how things are, #GroundhogDay, and memorials.

#DayOfPersistence

Some of you sharp at reading between the lines might know the past few years have not been the best for me. Some of you who know me off-Twitter even know one or two of the reasons for that.

In some v bad times, when all I could do was hold on to some sense of myself, but not really grasp what was going on around me (stress, burnout, & sleep deprivation is a THING y'all), I was *incredibly* blessed to have a friend support & try to make me realise what was happening.

We talked every day. EVERY day. Every. Single. Day. and every single day she was kind, encouraging, supportive, wise, and funny. No matter how bad things were, she could always make me laugh. Even the simplest note would always make me feel better.

She told me I did the same for her & I'm glad. I wasn't sure I could do ANYTHING for ANYONE anymore & if there was anyone in my world who deserved everything I could give, it was her

Plus, she thought I was funny (true, but I don't show it often) – how could I not love that? 😊

What is important to realise is we talked *every* day. No matter what. Even when she was on a much-needed holiday, she insisted on checking in with a couple of lines or a photo, every single day.

I can't stress this enough. She was there for me every day. When I was good, when I was not, when I was angry, sad, cranky, or numb. She celebrated my birthday, Christmas, & my finding a safe place to live even when I couldn't - I couldn't imagine celebrating anything for myself

I thanked her, of course. I told her often how much I appreciated her, how much she did for me, how much I realised it must cost her, in time at least.

She always said it was nothing, but it was SO much and I always told her so.

So imagine how I felt when I received this last year:

“It's Groundhog Day today - a day I don't have great associations with. I always think it's the day of the year when I feel the most anxious and aware of repeated, damaging behaviours.”

This from my best friend. My darling girl. THE kindest and most generous person I have ever known. Who never, ever, EVER failed to check in, to support me, to respond to a plea for help, to swear at people on my behalf, or to think how she could make my life better.

Who, while I'm sure she wanted to scream at my situation, who realised better than I did about repeated damaging behaviours, and had good reason to be anxious on my behalf, never failed to be kind and support me over and over and OVER until her voice drowned out everyone else's.

She is gone now, but this is what I told her:

The point of the movie #GroundhogDay isn't about repeated damaging behaviours, but the opposite. To realise we're not to wallow in despair, feeling we are stuck, but to keep striving, because we keep getting more chances to be better, to do better, both for ourselves and others.

Other people & the damage they have done by their hurtful behaviour - you can't control them. You can't control their past & undo what they have done.

All you can do is control who *you* are now & onward. *You* set the example of how things should be for others to follow.

She made my world an infinitely better place and if I ever deeply trust again, it will be because of her.

Because of her faithfulness.  Because she was THERE *every single day*, without fail.  Over and over and over again.

Much like Groundhog Day.

If she wanted to think about the effects of repeated behaviours, she should think about that.

That Groundhog Day can be a time to realise every day (every hour, every minute) is a chance to make a choice to be a better human being and to make the world a better place.  We could adopt it as our own holiday.

And so we did. 😇

#DayOfPersistence exists because of her – & she was FABULOUS.

I'll always be so glad to know her. Her voice is still in my head & her words still guide me. She may have worried about her own actions/inactions or not doing much for me/anyone, but she did in oh, SO many ways.

If she could read these words, she'd say I was putting her on a pedestal. 😕

I don't think she ever truly believed how much she meant to me, just as she was, regardless of the differences between us. How much I owe her. How much better I am because of her.

How willing I'd be to take on her anxiety with both fists and both feet and some well-placed kicks in the darkness’ cojones.

(I may have ninety-nine problems, but anxiety like hers isn't one of them.)

I know I always say “Always be kind. Always be kind. Always be kind. ALWAYS be kind for everyone is fighting a hard battle you know nothing about.”

Well, it's true and I am about to say it again. 😎

Always be kind. Every little bit is a little bit & may mean the world to someone - and quite likely, you will never know how much or in exactly what ways.

Every kindness, no matter how small, or imperfectly, adds to the pile of good things in the world.

So, on this day I raise a glass of champagne to an extraordinary woman and encourage you all to persist.

To persist in being kind, in being brave, in lifting up another, and in making the world a better place.

I know you can do it, lovely people. 💕

#DayOfPersistence