Thread by @OSPyoutube

I accidentally finished four projects without taking any breaks and my body shut down in protest sooooooo who wants a bad movie -R

All righty let's narrow this down! -R

OF COURSE

man I'm bummed out about the news of that cartoonishly evil politician nutjob celebrating his own apparently unlimited power, better take a break from the news cycle and watch a nice movie instAH BALLS

Well, starting off with an expository news report may be a bit clichéd, but since it's Ming-Na Wen I'll make an exception

"I kno yu like tolook at yerself on teleVIsion you sick sunuffabitch - well look at THIS!" 💪

this movie is goofy as fuck but you know what? I'm already having a good gosh-dang time

and there's something really funny about bison grabbing hostage soldiers and going like "you came to fight me so FIGHT ME", like I don't think anyone enlists in the army expecting to fistfight the enemy warlord, no wonder he breaks all their necks

so fun fact I only know the barest minimum about street fighter so all these namedrops mean nothing to me

oh no they're showing guile's buddy upsetting home movies and he's becoming… EVIL

vega's taken off his mask to reveal he's very handsome and they just whipped off ryu's shirt, are we one hundred percent sure these two are about to have a street fight

"Why're you making me watch this?" EXCELLENT question blond man who I assume is named Ken

"Yer all, under, arrest."

uh the dialogue in this movie is really good

since I don't really know who any of these characters are, every time there's a cheeky character intro I'm just imagining a sitcom applause track as the studio audience goes wild for someone I don't recognize

they've rushed enough character intros in the first twenty minutes (and guile is a little bit incomprehensible) that I can't entirely tell what's happening beyond "bison bad" but with luck that's all the context I need

ken just definitely "shot" guile and then they definitely forgot to have any blood on him when they did the wide shot

Minion dude: "That's great news, General! Congratulations!"
Bison: "On the contrary. I MOURN."
Minion dude:

wait bison's evil plan is just to make an army of supersoldiers? then why does he keep snapping people's necks?!

okay they keep having PA announcements like "hostage containment thing closing" and "anyone violating curfew will be arrested, anyone resisting arrest will be shot" and it's a different narrator every time and they all sound hilariously uninvested.

whaaaaat I can't believe guile is aliiiiiiive and I guess has just been napping in the morgue this whole time

"This war… is not about your personal vendetta."
hey good point guile
"It's about MINE."
hey screw you guile

who is this mysterious masked dancer? just kidding ming-na wen has a very recognizable bottom-half-of-face

so bison printed his own money with his own face on it, don't make fun of him, you'll get paid once he hits it big all right

I really like how chun-li and her reporter buddies are all pissed-off master martial artists, because obviously becoming a reporter is the most efficient way to get revenge

"QUICK! CHANGE THE CHANNEL!"

Ah yea, I forgot how for a while it was just The Villain Thing to get the sole female protagonist dolled up in a nice dress to have a creepily intimate conversation with her

E. Honda is officially the biggest badass in the movie, and the goofy spongebob musical stings playing as he fails to react to getting whacked only enhance the experience

I wasn't sold on ken and ryu earlier but their awkward attempts to pass as Certified Bad Dude Bison Minions are really endearing me to them

Oh no, the AN are deciding to negotiate with bison, how is guile supposed to fistfight him now??

nice of them to put a big american flag on guile's shoulder because otherwise that accent might be really distracting or something

ooh guile hit 'im with the old "oh you fired me and now we're all going to defy orders and do the thing anyway, sorry I can't stop my men cuz you just fired me lol"

normally when the Designated Damsel is having Uncomfy One-On-One Time with the villain she just sits there and looks pretty, so I respect that (a) chun-li is sassing him pretty hard and (b) bison had to handcuff her presumably so she wouldn't try to break his neck

"But for me…… it was tuesday. Anyway, martini? :D"

chun-li's just talking about how much she wants to kick the shit out of bison and he just keeps lowering the lighting and turning up the mood music, which on the one hand is a power move and on the other is real skeezy

I do genuinely like that bison called chun-li out for mostly doing the sneaky ninja bit and not actually fighting anyone, which is fair

but then of course he had to make it a "it's cuz you're a girl" thing so she snapped the cuffs and kicked him in the face

man chun-li could've straight-up ended this movie right then and there if the dude squad hadn't distracted her with their rescue mission

"Had you worked together instead of against each other, you might have been successful."
actually bison it looked more like if the dude squad had waited like fifteen seconds chun-li would've been MORE than successful

"This is the collection agency. Your ass is six months overdue. Now it's MINE."

oh look… he's using a controller… like the one… in the arcade……

god there's a lot of subplots in this movie, I almost forgot about the green supersoldier thing

I always wonder about the logistics of depositing the kind of ridiculous ransom amounts these movies like to throw around. like I don't think you can just do an EFT for twenty billion dollars. do they put a hold on it? do you have to call the bank first?

okay I can accept guile getting through to the Newly Green Charlie but I have to ask how in the hell he RECOGNIZED him, he's twice as beefy, bright green and ginger now

omg I can't believe guile's not dead again

honestly? all things considered, they did the transition to canon costumes pretty naturally. I mean, it could've been WAY more obtrusive.

too many guns in this street fight. just blow each other away with energy attacks as nature intended

ah, they did the classic "oh no I've been cornered by bad guys! guess I'll pull out my comically tiny weapon! oh, they're backing away? I'll just assume I'm REALLY intimidating, and not that my backup army just showed up behind me"

oh lol bison also thinks there are too many guns in this street fight and everyone should meet him in the fuckin pit to fistfight as god intended

wh… why were they playing godzilla noises over the fight between zangief and honda

honestly… bison spends most of this movie getting the shit kicked out of him, it's very nonthreatening

bad news guile, you didn't kill him, you just unlocked his second healthbar

Vega and Ryu are squaring off to fight again and the first thing ryu does is get artfully slashed across the abs, I seriously think someone in production secretly shipped this

"argh! that just bares my midriff!"

bison can fly now, that's neat

two broooooos shirtless in a street fiiiight five feet apart cuz they're not gay~🎶

guile kicked bison real hard and he blew up

"You got…… paid?"

Chun-Li, looking dubiously at Cammy's hair: "Pigtails?"
Cammy, eyeing her twin buns: "Look who's talking!"

guys this movie just passed the bechdel test

zangief is a good guy and dhalsim is bald now

"But you said you didn't do anything."
"If good men do nothing, that is evil enough."

I can't believe guile isn't dead for the fourth time

A FREEZE-FRAME GROUPSHOT

guys that movie was a really good time, you all misled me