Thread by @Ekwulu

Why do men cheat? Inbox message 2:
culled from Agunze Azuka Onwuka

Azuka, am sending this piece via inbox because i don't want to comment on your wall and I trust you will protect my id.

I'm 46 and have being married for 12 years, my wife is 39. I never planned to be unfaithful

before marriage. I earn much more than my wife and provide for my wife and children and try to be available at home as much as possible. I don't stay out late. I am not the bossy type. I help out in house chores as much as I can.

But the biggest problem in our marriage is the

number 4 point you raised - disrespect. My wife seem to derive some joy in disrespecting me. Rather than see me as a partner, she seems me as competitor, and an inferior one for that that. So at the least of opportunities, she beliefs she need to put me down. Ones there is a

little misunderstanding, she says all kind of things about me that make me wonder if am the person she is talking about.

And she can keep malice for Africa. Lol. I used to think that only men are too proud to apologize to their wives. But my wife is a champion in that. She will

rather die than apologize to me for whatever she has said or done, even if the house is caving in or the world is coming to an end. We can go for days and weeks without talking to each other or laughing together. It does not concern her.

When she goes on about me, the impression

I get is that am worthless, useless and senseless. Whatever action i take is never good enuf. Only her own is good. And she will sing it into your ears repeatedly that you become irritated.

If I give any directive at home, she happily breaks it and dares me to do my worst.

Sometimes she does not even care that the children or others are around while displaying her I don't care attitude.

What can I do? Beat her and be ridiculed as a wife beater? Marry another wife and be ridiculed as a polygamist? Send her away and be ridiculed as a man who can't

manage his home? Our children will also not have a mother figure around. Leave the house for her and be ridiculed too?

I have talked things over with her repeatedly. I decided that family (my parents or hers) should not interfere in our issues, so we have seen counselors.

But after each discussion, we have peace for a week or two before we return to ground zero.

I have seen that people are what they are. They never change. And as they get older, they may even get worst, and they never believe that what they do is wrong. They see the other as the

wrong person.

The issue has worried me for long but I have kind of stopped been hopeful about my marriage. After nine years of marriage, sadly I cheated on my wife. The very sad part was that I didn't feel sad or guilty after it. It was like I owe my wife no more allegiance or

commitment to be faithful. I feel she has broken the agreement between us.

The difference between a side chic and a difficult wife is that the side chic does not act like a competitor to you. She does not insult you or disrespect you. She does not brace up for a fight with you

always. She gives you her attention whenever you are together. She gives you peace while together and make you feel like a human being. It may sound sad to say this but it is the truth. I have discussed this with some men. Maybe if the side chic becomes the wife, she may change,

but she does things the wife simply refuse to do.

No matter how a man has failed in life elsewhere, he feels like a conqueror before the world if his wife respects him and honours him with her words and actions. Home is where a man needs peace and respect most after facing

life's troubles. Once that fails, the man is gone.

How can someone claim to love me but disrespect and insult me always? How can I feel committed and attached to such a person? I became tired of facing the same problem all the time. So I simply let her be. People assume we have

a wonderful marriage but I know we don't. Ironically my wife seem to think we have a fine marriage because we don't fight and we are not divorced, we lack nothing at home, we travel to other countries on holidays, we have build good houses here and in the village and elsewhere.

To tell you the truth, before marriage I never knew that I would be in this type of lukewarm marriage or contemplate unfaithfulness. So when I hear people blame men for infidelity, I simply laugh at their ignorance. Only those who wear the shoe know the koko.

Thanks for giving

me the opportunity to unburden myself. I have read some of your articles on marriage and will also be glad to get any advice from you on my marriage wahala. Meanwhile as English master, please don't crucify me for my errors. Lol.

Ce Finis