Thread by @ReasonVsFear

I'm tired, so this may be a little disjointed, but I need to say it... I want to talk about sexual assault. #thread

Not just the gory details. I could tell you dozens of stories from my life. But I want to talk about the mechanics of the whole situation.

"Why don't women fight back at the time?"
Let's dig into that, shall we? There are a variety of reasons.

First among them is shock. Even if you've been through it before, it's still shocking. "This can't be happening!" It feels unreal.

Who expects a man to walk up and grab you from behind in broad daylight, in public?? To grab your private areas?? I didn't! #FreezeInShock

Who expects a man, in a church, on a dance floor, to commit frottage right there in front of the world? I didn't!!

So yes, sometimes women freeze in shock, because your mind cannot take in the reality of what's happening to you. For starters.

And sometimes men plan it that way, knowing (or hoping) that the shock will give them enough time to do what they have in mind...

Like the man I knew who worked in an office where I did business. He invited me out to lunch - as a friend.

In the car, in the parking lot, in broad daylight - he threw himself onto me, clamped his mouth on mine (so I couldn't speak) and raped me.

I couldn't speak, so I couldn't say "no," or scream. It happened very quickly - less than a minute. I wonder how many women he did this to?

I was young at the time. Scared. I was certain nobody would believe me, and that gets to part two of my thread.... why don't we speak up?

"Why don't women speak out?" Once you're past the shock of the attack, there's a second flash of knowledge that passes through your mind...

A mental calculation that a lot of women will recognize. It is composed of many parts.
1. Uncertainty
2. Fear
3. Shame
4. Embarrassment

"Did he really rape me? Or was it somehow my fault?"
I was in shock when I was raped. I didn't fight because it happened so quickly.

"I couldn't say no - does it still count as rape?"
He clamped his mouth over mine so I couldn't speak, and held me down with his body.

So you doubt yourself. The shock of it immobilizes you, and MEN KNOW THAT. RAPISTS KNOW THAT. They count on it!! But it gets worse...

Even with the shock, even with your mouth covered and body held down, people will STILL BLAME YOU INSTEAD OF THE RAPIST. And you know it.

And of course, you know that he'll say it was consensual, since you were in the car with him, and you didn't "say no." He'll be "wounded."

Men will believe him, because too many of them are also guilty of similar acts, even if they are much smaller in degree...

Women will believe him for whatever reason. We're brainwashed. Everything is our fault. Or we feel guilty because it happened to us once....

And we don't want to be reminded of it. Or be reminded that it can happen... there are a lot of reasons we blame each other.

And some, reading about my experiences, will shudder and think to themselves "has she no shame? No pride?" That's how they bind us.

Embarrassment. Fear. Shame. Nobody will believe you. They'll tear up your life to make you look guilty. You must have brought it on yourself

They'll shame you for having the courage to speak out. They'll shame you for coming forward. They'll shame you for NOT coming forward.

Because the abusers, the molesters, the catcallers, the rapists, the sexual assaulters, the flashers, the peepers, the gropers... the men...

The MEN. They stick together. They blame you, shame you, attack you.... and they stick together. This is how they get away with it all.

And women? We let them, because in that moment of clarity, when a man attacks... you know you have two choices, and you must weigh them.

1. Can I get through this? Can I just get over it, and keep my silence?
2. Or do I speak up, and watch them ruin my life?

I grew up in the era when women had few rights, and were taught "Don't rock the boat." I didn't rock it, for a long time.

I suffered in silence, for decades. Dealt with the attacks. But I no longer feel that way - I have been flipping the boat. Fuck silence.

Silence allows them to continue to attack us. It allows them to get away with it.

Do not misunderstand me, though....

I'm speaking for myself, and for women who have reached the same level of... whatever you want to call it. Some are not ready, yet.

Some women cannot speak up, just yet, for all the reasons I have listed. I'd be the last person to attack them for it. I get it.

But I will not be silent. I will not assist the abuse in any way.

Every women (or person who is abused) has to make their own decisions.

To my last point:

TO THE GOOD MEN OUT THERE: PLEASE SPEAK UP, ESPECIALLY FOR THOSE WHO CANNOT. DO NOT JUST SIT AND WATCH IT HAPPEN.

If you're a man watching other men cat-calling, intimidating women, or whatever, do not consider yourself "good" if you are silent.

If you see it and do not speak up, YOU ARE JUST AS BAD AS THOSE WHO COMMIT THESE ACTS.

TRUST ME.

One more thing:

If sexual abuse is not rampant, why does it take multiple women to come forward before anyone believes?

ONE WOMAN SHOULD BE ALL IT TAKES.

Innocent until proven guilty, yes - but when do women get that benefit of the doubt, too?