Thread by @HoarseWisperer

I used to write a ton about Trump's narcissistic personality disorder and what made the guy tick.

Haven't done a thread 'bout that in a while but in the aftermath of the shutdown, now seems like a good time for one.

1/

Trump is the poster child for severe narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). He is the example professors will someday use to teach the subject.

I happen to know a thing or two about NPD from personal experience up the wazoo.

2.

As I used to say ad infinitum, people with NPD are very simple machines.

There are only two driving impulses at all times:

1) Avoid shame
2) Earn others' esteem/admiration

That's it. Those are the only two primary drivers. At all times. In every situation.

3/

"But then why does he constantly bring shame on himself and make people hate him...?" people naturally ask.

Because he is profoundly disordered. If severe NPD was effective, it wouldn't be a disorder. It would be a strength.

4/

Cutting back to recent events, as we all know, Trump made a royal mess of the DACA/CHIP negotiations and entirely blew up the effort to avoid a shutdown.

He took a sudden, hard-line stance and then wouldn't/couldn't walk it back.

5/

As we now know, behind the scenes, Stephen Miller and John Kelly were instrumental in that shift.

You can better your last dollar that they managed to turn Trump in a different direction by using Driving Impulse #1 above. Avoid shame.

6/

If Trump signed the deal, his base would thing poorly of him. That was invariably the play...

...and once they had prompted that shift, Trump fully inhabited the character they suggested would earn his base's love. Thus the sh**hole countries comment.

7/

People with NPD will instantly adopt whatever persona they think will "win the room".

Trump went full right wing nutjob because he thought there would be applause on the receiving end...

...but then he took an epic beatdown over his "s-hole country" remarks.

8/

A healthy, functional person would have just walked it back.

Trump is utterly unable to do that though. He is clinically incapable of EVER doing that because a reversal is an acknowledgement of having made a mistake... and that conflicts with Driving Impulse #2 - Earn Esteem

9/

The only time Trump managed to get browbeaten into walking something back was after Charlottesville and when forced to deliver a scripted retraction, you could see the rage oozing out of every pore...

...and then it bubbled over and he blurted out the "on both sides" thing.

10/

Trying to make a severe NPD walk the plank and tacitly admit they had been wrong is an abject failure.

You'll either die trying or you'll "succeed" and then they'll entirely meltdown into an angry rage at having been forced to shame themselves.

11/

This brings us back to recent events and the Trump Shutdown.

While us lefties would have loved for Dems to hold their ground and were royally PO'ed when Schumer and Co. inked their deal, as a matter of psychology, it was the right play. It was the only play actually.

12/

With parties dug in on both sides in a standoff that began with Trump's own big mouth, there was zero chance Trump could be brought around. None.

He is truly incapable of backing down because backing down is admitting having been wrong. It;s shameful. (See Impulse #1)

13/

With that as the setup, the standoff could have gone on until Trump left office and he would have only dug in deeper. He would have actually become even MORE xenophobic and vengefully anti-immigrant... all as a primal face-saving defense of what he blurted out originally.

14/

While it is agonizing to have to abandon a fight with an NPD that you deserve to win, as Dr. Phil would say, "do you want to be happy or do you want to be right?"

With a severe narcissist, you gotta settle for happy cuz you'll never convince them you're right.

15/

Here comes the silver lining though...

As soon as you turn down the spotlight, you can turn a narcissist around nearly instantly.

They have no firmly held views and can be made to move in whatever direction you want provided you merely point them toward potential praise.

16/

We still have Stephen Miller and John Kelly to worry about and they still run the risk of blowing up progress, however, with the temperature now turned down, if left in a room with only Chuck Schumer, Trump would do a deal in a New York Minute.

17/

No matter how little this seems the case, I've been saying since the summer that Chuck and Nancy seem to have gotten a good schooling on how to manage a narcissist because they're doing a bang-up job.

Just the right blend of carrot and stick. Just the right nudging.

18/

We'll have to see what happens with Miller and Kelly but my guess is that other Republicans like Lindsey Graham will grab Trump's ear and at least reduce their influence...

...and in parallel, we'll see a movement to get DACA done in the next three weeks.

19/

I'm gonna put this one down now and we;ll see where we land but I'd bet someone a tall, cold beverage that the senate will pass a DACA deal with Trump's apparent agreement.

That's just how narcissists work. They are fragile, broken shells. They hold no firm points of view.

20/

There are plenty of other narcissist survivors around here. I'm sure they'll jump in on all of the above.

Having lived with and through this though, I can tell ya, Trump's firm position last week is nothing in the hands of a canny operator like Chuck Schumer.

21/

Despite all of the understandable heat Schumer took, he crafted the right strategy, made the right moves and won't be fully vindicated in the public's eyes when this lands in a good place... but he should be.

From a psych perspective, he's right on the money.

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