thread 1. Walking in a store someone yelled at me, “pedophile priest.” Let me star by saying that I AM NOT A VICTIM here. The victims are the abused victims. They are the ones who matter here. I still paralyzed. I didn’t know what to do or say.
2. For the first time, I felt, for just a second, shame for the priesthood. I know it is not good to hear this, but I couldn’t help it. If you feel anger and disgust and shame, you are not alone and yet these feelings are but a little grain of sand of what the victims feel
3. I don’t want to leave the priesthood. Not because of this. This is a reminder that I need to, I want to become a better priest, a holier priest. It is not a career. It is a service. Today was a reminder of that. And I repeat, I AM NOT the victim, but much to learn from this.
4. And the questions are punching my brain, “what can I do? What can I say? No matter what I do or say, seems so little, almost like an insult if I say just “I am sorry.” Yes, I am paralyzed by frustration, shame, anger and pain. And again, I know I am not the victim.
5. People keep on asking me for advice, for answers, for explanations, and the only thing I can think of is “PURE EVIL,” the one that shouldn’t happen anywhere, even less in the Church. And there is the shame and frustration again. And yet, not the victim here
6. I ran out of things to say because talking seems so little at this time, but it is the only thing I’ve got for now. I may not know what to say and please forgive me for that, but I am trying to put into words this feeling about these horrible crimes and not to focus on me.
7. no amount of words will make up for this crime, but it was my initial respond. When he screamed, “pedophile.” I wanted to say, “no. Not me. Not ever.” But I knew my words would do nothing, so I listened. He was hurt and he needed to use his initial respond: words.
8. 2 ladies who saw the whole thing asked me if they could pray for me, “I am not a victim. Let’s pray for the victims who suffer(ed) tremendously and that this NEVER happens again.” And so we prayed and I know what you are thinking, “actions. No prayers.”
9. And that’s true. Actions are needed, but I also know that prayers might not change things. Prayer changes us and we change things (St. Teresa of Calcutta). So, yes I pray for all of this. I pray that there is justice. I pray for the victims especially and those who hurt.
10. I know I am not a pedophile. I know I never saw anything remote to it in my formation in seminary. I know many priests who are amazing, but right now, we are not the victims and we need to concentrate on seeing how we priests can help the people who hurt and the victims
11. I know there are many things to be done, but I don’t know how, so I tell my parishioners that I will start by listening to them. To their anger, frustration and hatred. And it is time for us to guide from the lowest levels of the Church and up
12. I know words are not enough. I know we all want something fast to happen. I know I am but a simple normal priest that can’t make a bishop resign, so I will say what I have said, “I am disgusted by it all. I feel my heart aches for the victims. I am sorry...
13. And now I will work from my community. To be better. To do better. One small action at a time and to listen to those who need to talk about this. To those who need the Church to listen to them.
14. I love my priesthood. I love my Church. I love the people and I ache for these brutalities and crimes. For that reason, because I am part of the Church, I AM SORRY for this betrayal. We have to do better. Please no sympathies for me please. It is not about me, but the victims
