Thread by @trollhuntress

My late International Women’s Day thread.
I recently realized that despite considering myself an empowered woman I still bought into a big lie about women’s place and potential in the world.

The lie that says we are on the same path, the same playing field as men and that if we don’t get as far along it that is simply due to our choices and “defects”. That if we don’t succeed or “win” on this path it is because we are physically weaker, more emotional, more prone

to distractions, have an inner drive to put family first, can’t handle pressure, too sensitive, hysterical. etc. etc.
It isn’t even that these things individually are lies, it’s more about who decided what they meant in the first place. Like trying to win a game where the rules

are not only changing but also are defined by the other team. Not just the definitions of strength, success and leadership either but also what constitutes feminine, sexy, motherly, and what is accepted as harassment. Like, what does it mean to be “too emotional?”

Well, it turns out that if it’s screaming over a football game = not too emotional. Crying over the death of the cat (again!) = yes, too emotional.

It is as if we were living in a world where men were born with wheels and women were born with feet but all the accepted paths to accepted destinations are paved roads which the men wiz along mocking us for our plodding, and ridiculing our sore feet.

It’s not even that we can’t “make it”, some can, but why even play this game when the rules only give us 2 options: either let them win outright and get labeled a “perfect“ woman or try to compete where the biggest prize we can ever hope for is getting called a “defective” man.

It has been pointed out to me that women rarely build houses or fix cars, and maybe some of this has to do with the way our brains are wired, (and the fact that cars are built with the male brain in mind) but there is also a self-fulfilling prophecy here that is worth mentioning

Practically every item sold at Home Depot is weighted for a man & I am personally unable to break a rusty bolt loose on my car. That’s not because those are the only possible sizes for shingle bundles or engine parts it’s just that they weren’t designed with my strength in mind.

And I get it, those sizes and structures are practical for those who are doing most of that work, I am just pointing out that men have designed the world around themselves and I fell into the trap that says I’m defective, I’m less valuable,

simply because I don’t navigate that world as deftly as they do, just like an artist might struggle and find themselves lacking in a world designed by and for accountants.

The lie I fell for was the lie that says I can never be truly strong because I saw my own strength on a spectrum with men’s and no matter hard I try I can never lift what they can. And then I allowed the definition of “weakness” to filter down and label other things about women.

I fell for the lie that says I can never be “stable” because my range of emotional expression will always be more varied than the average man.

The lie that says I will never be valued because if I put my child above my career, my career will suffer, & if I don’t, she will suffer. Yet being a good mom is a complement given with a pat on the head that will never be valuable enough to pay my child’s tuition or dental care.

If our society was designed by women maybe being a great mom would be a achievement that people would study and donate resources to, like being an athlete, scholar, or priest is now, but as it stands, a “great mom” generally only means more headache and less money. But I digress

The point I am waking up to is the fact that not only should we not try to wedge ourselves into a standard of measurement that doesn’t account for wider hips, we need to ignore that standard altogether.

We need to stop playing by those rules, to stop judging each other by them, or listening to ANYONE else judging us by those standards. It’s time to set our OWN goals for this world and judge ourselves by our own definitions of strength, success, and beauty.

Our talents will never be brought out as long as we are simply trying to keep up on the asphalt paths men made for themselves to roll along, or with the goals they made for us to reach. We have feet, we can take the forest short cut and the world will be better for it.

We have to change our rules, change our perception of what constitutes strength and leadership. We are NOT “defective” men we are highly competent women and it’s up to us to recreate our expectations and value ourselves and our unique contribution.

So today I know that my actions and voice, should not, must not, fit into standard which defines for me my strengths, value or beauty. I get to express exactly what I value and think and THEY don’t get to shut me up by saying that I’m being overly emotional or seeking attention

because I am NOT playing by their rules anymore, and damn right I feel strongly, and damn right I’m seeking attention, because we all know full well nothing in society changes without it.

I have to learn to state thoughts, preferences and opinions & to amplify others’ without second guessing what “they” might think or even reading the comments about it. I also have to understand that as I walk this path every single weaponized “feminine” word will be thrown at me,

and that the first line of attackers may very well be the women who benefit most from being made pedestals of “femininity” or “what is right for us” by men.

At first Men won’t appreciate getting “Wonder Woman” when they ordered “Submissive Barbie” but I also know that after the hissy fits even the real Malibu Barbie will find herself more free to express other opinions,

and men will STILL find themselves inexplicably attracted to us, but this time maybe come at us with respect, as team players, with a joint desire to make this world a place where EVERYONE can win. /end