Thread by @katsushiro

HOT TAKE TIME

Today's topic: incels. Please keep your arms and legs inside the car for the duration of this thread, and for you TL;DR types, here's the thing in a nutshell: smack your friends upside the head. Here we go!

PS: itt I am mostly addressing other men, but the advice is, I hope, universal. In fact, as you'll see, my female friends were instrumental in my views here.

So, first: this whole incel thing is real, and it's not new. Not at all. The name 'incel' is a recent development, but guys like these have existed for pretty much ever.

I know. I used to be one.

When I read some of the bullshit that incels put out, I wince, because I recognize a lot of my mid-teens self in those sentiments. I was a dorky, nerdy, unpopular kid who had grown convinced that all women wanted was 'bad boys' who would mistreat them (which I would never do!)

I was angry and bitter because the girls I was attracted to rarely even gave me the time of day, while fawning over guys who were better looking, or had money, or both. Guys that I *knew* would treat them badly. Why couldn't they give *me* a chance instead?

So clearly, all women were selfish gold-digging bitches who only cared about these superficial things.

And I was angry. Even though I thought of myself as a gentleman (insert eye roll) I would fantasize about these women 'getting what they deserved'.

I think you can see where this toxic train was headed. So, what happened? How did I break out of that? Well, it wasn't because I was smarter or wiser than everyone else and through my own self-sufficiency found my way back to the light.

What saved me was my friends.

I was lucky enough to have good friends, both men and women, who did *not* put up with my bullshit. These friends cared enough about me to sit me down and set me straight. They pointed out the errors in my ways of thinking. They pointed out that I was blinding myself.

My friends pointed out the hypocrisy in my views, the women who had been attracted to me and I'd ignored because I was obsessing over the women who *weren't* interested in me.

They beat me upside the head with some truths I needed to hear, and I will forever be grateful.

Honestly, when I look at the incel 'movement', I think to myself 'there but for the grace of my friends go I'.

So what's changed? What's happening with today's incels? Well, here's the part where I get into baseless speculation, but my best guess is: they don't have friends like those. Instead, what they have is Reddit, and 4chan, and the rest of those online cesspools.

In those places they find other lonely, angry, bitter nerds, and their toxic views get reinforced again and again by others telling them that those feelings and opinions are right, and someone should make these women pay for what they're doing.

So what can we even do here? It's all well and good to say 'society should do something about these incels', but, and hear me out here, there's something we keep missing when we say stuff like that:

👏*WE* 👏 ARE 👏 SOCIETY 👏

It starts with you, my friends. If you know someone who is an incel, or who espouses or agrees with their views? Be a friend. Be a friend who cares enough to sit them down and set them right. Don't just ignore them and hope they grow out of it.

If you don't talk to your friends, they'll find entire toxic communities of people more than happy to 'support' them in their views. And what kind of friend lets someone they care about become an incel?

So, in a nutshell: the incel thing is real. And it's on us to show our friends they're wrong. It might be tough. It may not work. But it's a start.

Save a life. Talk to your lonely, bitter friends. You have no idea how grateful I am that my friends did so for me.