Thread by @CharlotteOU812

Thread/ Service Announcement:

How to shower before a booking with your escort.
Your escort has lead you to the shower. Yes, they wish you to use it. No, this isn’t optional.

Are you ready sir? Let’s shower up.

1. Take off ALL your clothes and use the hooks and hangars provided, if not fold neatly. Preferably away from any possible water run.
Trust me, returning to your clothes neatly folded will make it easier to dress in the daze you will inevitably be in after your booking.

2. Once naked, turn on shower.
Yes it’s those knobs there, turn them on. Yes, go on. Not too hot now, you don’t want to scald yourself. No....a bit hotter than luke warm please, we have germs to kill.

3. Stand directly underneath that water and rinse your entire body. Yes everything, good, excellent. All wet.
Hey! What are you doing? You can’t get out now! You haven’t lathered up. That’s right, grab that soap.

4. Okay. So now you have that soap, let’s start at the top and work our way down.
Let’s wash that face and around the mouth. Kissing clean mouths is a lot of fun. If you have a beard then grab that shampoo and lather up.
Dirty beards are horrible to kiss.

5. Great. You’re doing well. Let’s soap up that neck now, under the chin and wait! Don’t forget the back of your ears.
Who knows...you might get kisses back there? Good to be prepared. Let’s keep going.

6. Shoulders, chest, stomach, arms.
Wait! We’ve forgotten somewhere very important.
Armpits! Yep. Let’s lather those pits up, work the soap right in there. Now rinse...okay repeat those armpits again.
What?
Yes wash armpits twice.
Why?

7. Deodorant can sometimes lock sweat and odour in, especially if it’s the antiperspirant kind. If you delayed applying deodorant after your shower, or it’s a hot day or your visited the gym today you may have body odour and not realise it.
So let’s do those pits twice. Great!

8. Hey! They smell really good, 😍
Okay let’s wash those sexy hips of yours. Now we’re getting closer to the heavy duty washing and it’s really important you pay attention here okay?
Because what I’m about to say is vital.

WASH YO ASS!

9. Yes. You must, must, must, must wash your bottom before this booking. So let’s get in there, nope not just the cheeks. Very nice I might add 🍑 But it’s between those cheeks where we need to get busy.
Soap it up like your life depends upon it.

10. Get in to that crack, right into your bottom hole. Yes I know it’s a lot of work and you just want to get out and get onto that booking but if your bottom is smelly, trust me your provider is not going to have fun. You’re not going to get their best work.

The saying goes we are never a prophet in our own land and the same can be said for your ass. You can’t smell it, but your provider can. So spread those cheeks and get busy!

11. Okay that butt all clean? Your little starfish is all spotless and sparkly fresh? Great.
Gentlemen....let’s move to the front.
Wash up that pubic hair. Really soap it up.
Pubic hair has one anthropological purpose. To trap smell. Yup.
To TRAP smell.

12. So soap that pubic hair like it’s muppet hair. Now let’s wash your junk.
Gentleman. Your penis and balls get sweaty. Even on a cold day. They get sweaty....and then they stick together...and sweat some more. You visit a urinal and then shake off...okay got the picture?

13. Let’s start with the under carriage. In my experience a much ignored area of hygiene in the average male.
Begin by soaping the area between your anus and your balls.
Now wash all around your balls. ⚽️ 🎱 🎾
Soap em really good. Sticky little things.

14. Good now let’s work up the shaft. Yes work that soap lather all around your penis. 🍆 Yes it feels good, I know but you need to say on track here because what I’m about to say is vitally important.
VITALLY IMPORTANT. 🧐🧠

15. I am about to say the most important word relating to your individual hygiene and how that relates to your booking.

SMEGMA

16. If you don’t know what SMEGMA is, you may already have a problem in your bookings that you’re not even aware of. So best go and google it if you don’t know what it is.
No it’s okay we will wait. Seriously take your time.
Got it? Excellent.
Gentleman let’s proceed.

17. If you asked a sex worker what there nightmares consist of it would be Smegma. The smell of smegma is one of the most off putting odours on the planet. No mans junk should smell. No excuses. And if your penis does smell, it’s likely because of smegma.

Now unless you are capable of autofellatio (and if you are, well done sir. Well done) then you may not know your junk smells. So it’s best to clean all that smegma off so that you can be confident that your peen smells great and people want to get up close to it.

18. Let’s get started. Soap up the head of your penis, really well. Let’s do it twice just to be sure. Now if your circumcised you want to work that soap all around your penis, into the little pee hole and all around your ridges. Rinse it off. Repeat. Good

19. Now if you’re uncircumcised you need to pay attention here. Because this is really important
You’re going to retract your foreskin as far back as you can and you are going to soap it all up with soap. Your going to do this 3 times, especially working that soap into the join.

20. Fellow in the back with your hand up 🙋‍♀️ Yes?
It stings?
Oh well that’s because you’re not doing this often enough. Trust me after washing under your foreskin effectively for awhile the stinging and sensitivity will diminish.

21. Yes fellow to the right with YOUR hand up? 🙋‍♀️
Your foreskin doesn’t retract?
Houston we have a problem....
Some men unfortunately do have a problem with retracting their foreskin. Which means your smegma build up is likely considerable. And this could be a problem.

You sir, will have to become better acquainted with your penis. Wet Q Tips can help worked under the foreskin if you can’t retract to attempt a smegma removal. Taking an adjustable shower head and directing the water 🚿 💦 under your foreskin can help too.

Smegma can build up under foreskins and become hard and seed like, you may find this as you start digging under your foreskin. Don’t be alarmed. 🚨 This is okay. It just means you need to seriously clean your penis. And clean it regularly

22. Okay. Hell let’s just soap up ALL the penises one more time gentleman, you just can’t soap it enough. 🚿
Okay. Let’s move on down now to our legs and feet.
Yes FEET.
Sometimes after a hot sweaty day, feet can stink. Let’s soap them up good.

23. Okay soaped up from head to toe. Let’s rinse off thoroughly, make sure that penis and undercarriage is rinsed well. Let’s grab that towel and WAIT! Where do you think you’re going?
Honey, we ain’t finished...not yet.

24. Now I know you’re in a hurry but I’m pretty sure you don’t walk through your Mommas house dripping wet like that. Right? Dry thyself thoroughly.
If you’ve left a skid mark on that towel you better get back into that shower IMMEDIATELY

25. Hmmm. See why it was a good idea to dry thoroughly? And yes, you’ll be leaving a tip to your provider for that poor towel.
Shake it off. Let’s move on.
See all these shiny things on the basin? Let’s explore them.

25. Deodorant. Moisturiser. Mouthwash. Aftershave
What did you say?
That’s all for after your booking!
What the???????????????????

26. Nope.
No. Nap. Nada.
I cannot fathom that you think the deodorant and mouthwash are for AFTER your booking. And YET I’ve seen clients do this a THOUSAND times. You won’t use mouthwash before our booking, and then I see you using the listerine before you leave!

27. The deodorant and mouthwash are for BEFORE the booking.
Gentleman repeat after me
BEFORE THE BOOKING.
You can use it afterwards as well. But don’t you dare ONLY use it afterwards.

28. Okay we are all clean. Smelling fantastic.
You’ve applied deodorant and rinsed your mouth and gargled thoroughly with the mouth wash. Minty fresh!
I think we’re all set....let’s have....wait what are you doing?
Are you, are you putting your dirty ass underwear back on?

Hold up! Hold EVERYTHING? What in the name of the little baby Jesus are you doing?

You do NOT put your dirty ass underwear which housed your stinky scrotum and smegma covered penis back on before your booking.
Why did we go through all that effort to clean you in the first place if you’re just going to reinfect your junk?

29. Your shy?
Okay that’s fine. Wrap a towel around yourself.
Oh wait...
You want the pleasure of your provider undressing you.
Great.
BRING A CHANGE OF UNDERWEAR AND A CLEAN SHIRT.
Sounds like too much hard work? Tough.

If you put your clothes back on after you’ve had a shower, it completely negates your shower.
Don’t do it.
Don’t believe me?
Ask your provider how it makes them feel when you get dressed in your used clothes and meet them in the bedroom.

30. Wrap a towel around your body, or hey! streak out naked. We don’t mind. It’s quite liberating actually to walk around clean and naked in front of your provider. Why don’t you try it?

So there you have it. A complete breakdown of how to shower before a booking.
You smell great. All clean. Yummy!
Your provider is REALLY going to like you now. 🥇
Now go out there tiger 🐯 and have the time of your life!
I’ll be back here, cheering you on!
Go for it!

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