Thread by @squidlarkin

let's talk about what it means to identify as something

because whenever I advocate for self-ID, someone's always like "but if anyone can say they're a woman, it doesn't mean anything!"

and like, sure. anyone can claim to be something. but do they mean it when they say it?

identity's a very personal thing. it's literally who you are. it shapes all of your interactions with the world

and some aspects of your identity might be obvious to anyone who meets you, but others are purely subjective, they come from knowing yourself

the more normative your identity is, the less you have to think about it. if you're a straight white neurotypical cis man, you're allowed to just exist without necessarily examining what it means to be any of those things

but that lack of introspection comes at a cost. it means you assume things about yourself.

if you're a straight man and you notice that you find another man attractive, suddenly your straightness is in question. is it just aesthetic appreciation? or are you bi? or even gay?

there's only one person who can decide what it means, and that's you

you figure it out by imagining different scenarios, testing out what feels right. exploring your feelings. and it's not easy because you may have built much of your identity on top of your assumed straightness

but once you've gone through that process, you can say with confidence what your orientation is. and why would anyone else question it? why would you let anyone tell you otherwise?

it's not based on any objective evidence, it's something you know about yourself, and it's true

fortunately, we as a society have MOSTLY reached a point where when someone says what their orientation is, we believe them. we don't tell lesbians "maybe you just haven't met the right guy yet", because we understand that they've already considered straightness and rejected it

(not everyone has gotten the memo, of course. people keep telling bisexuals that they're really either gay or straight. and don't get me started on the shit that asexuals have to deal with. my point is that you SHOULD believe what people say about themselves)

so anyways, gender works in exactly the same way. just like society generally assumes everyone's straight at first, we also assume everyone's cis. and it takes a similar process of introspection and self-discovery to disprove that assumption - again, with no objective evidence

and though exploring your orientation is kind of a big deal because of everything it means about who you are, it's nothing compared to exploring your gender

you have to dig deep, questioning so many of your assumptions about yourself

not to mention how difficult it is to even consider that question in the first place. because transness is still so misunderstood, so othered

to take this idea that's the target of so much skepticism and mockery and ask yourself, honestly, "is this me?"

it's a lot

so when someone tells you with any sort of conviction that they're trans, or even that they think they might be, BELIEVE THEM

because they would know better than anyone else would, and they have definitely considered the alternatives

I suppose they could be lying or joking, but if so they won't be able to keep up the act for very long

and the risk of falling for a shitty joke isn't really a big deal compared to the harm you could do by disbelieving something so personal

https://twitter.com/squidlarkin/status/994358665443332096

people make subjective statements about themselves all the time, and normally we trust them by default

"I'm left-handed"
"I'm an introvert"
"I'm a cat person"
"I like pineapple on pizza"

ok that last one's kind of controversial, but you'd still BELIEVE me even if it bothers you

the exception to this rule is when someone claims a marginalized identity. we're skeptical of claims we don't want to hear

if it bothers you when someone claims to be trans, it might mean that you have an aversion to trans people. there's a word for that

https://twitter.com/squidlarkin/status/995419104705105920