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Godman Akinlabi @PGeeman
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1. Hello and welcome! It’s episode 209 of #MrMrsBetterHalf Mr. & Mrs Better Half is designed to strengthen marriages & relationships that will lead to marriage, with wisdom from God's Word.
2. If you missed the last episode, we discussed the topic- ‘I earn more than my husband and as a result, he doesn’t buy me anything and it really hurts. Is this right?’ If you missed it, get it here #MrMrsBetterHalf
3. This week’s episode situation is: ‘I’m married but I’m falling for someone in the office. I can’t quit my job because it’s a good one but I don’t know how to manage my feelings.’ Now, this is a tricky situation primarily because of proximity. #MrMrsBetterHalf
4. It is not clear whether your feelings are one-sided or are reciprocated. Regardless of the situation, you are at the very least in an emotional affair and in a dangerous place. Hopefully, you have not physically acted on those emotions. #MrMrsBetterHalf
5. My first question for you is whether you tend to get into situations like this quite frequently. I ask this because there are people who seem to fall in and out of love with people every month- whether or not they are married. #MrMrsBetterHalf
6. If you are like this, then you are right- it’s not about leaving your job because you will fall for someone in your next job. You have to be the one to change and it is your change that will break the cycle of needless attractions. #MrMrsBetterHalf
7. You need to develop emotional maturity. Remember that you have a will. You have the strength to decide how your life will go and not just respond to any stimuli or emotion of the moment. #MrMrsBetterHalf
8. It’s just like food. The fact that you see ice cream 10 times a day should not mean you should eat 10 cones. Nor does the fact that there’s a 24-hour movie channel mean that you won’t go to work but rather call in sick to watch TV. #MrMrsBetterHalf
9. Sometimes, no matter how attractive something may seem, you must assert yourself and refuse to be a slave to emotions or external stimuli. Take charge of your life and learn to say no as needed. That’s how to build strength. #MrMrsBetterHalf
10. Now sometimes the problem is not that you are emotionally weak but rather that you were careless. Everybody has triggers and being self-aware is what helps you erect the right boundaries. #MrMrsBetterHalf
11. What are the things you generally find attractive or distracting in a person? Is it looks, intellect, mannerism, culture or passion? We know the things that turn us on. Knowledge is supposed to help you walk circumspectly. #MrMrsBetterHalf
12. When you identify someone that pushes your buttons, wisdom dictates that you keep a distance or create a buffer between you and the person because you are already at risk of being attracted to him or her. #MrMrsBetterHalf
13. Some people like to meddle with fire. You tell yourself ‘nothing will happen’ as you move closer and closer to the flames. When you get burnt then you cry for help. By then you are in the emergency zone. #MrMrsBetterHalf
14. There is a time to be brave and a time to flee. Wisdom is knowing that in matters of the heart, you are not as strong as you think you are- flee. Stop trying to prove a point. Protect yourself and your marriage. That’s true courage. #MrMrsBetterHalf
15. ‘Let he that thinks he stands be careful lest he falls’. Shun pride and be humble. This is why some people have only same-sex assistants or secretaries. It’s about being self-aware and not having an inflated idea of their willpower. #MrMrsBetterHalf
16. Another situation that can put you in a mess is if there is already an emotional gap in your marriage. If you and your spouse are not connecting at home, you are a ticking time bomb looking for where to blow up. #MrMrsBetterHalf
17. Couples, it is very dangerous to allow your relationship to become a cold distant place because you both need emotional nurturing and not getting it at home makes seeking comfort from whoever will give it outside more likely. #MrMrsBetterHalf
18. The fact that you are developing feelings for someone else is a wake-up call! Code Red! You cannot ignore what is going on between you and your spouse any longer! The fence of your marriage has been broken. Mend it! #MrMrsBetterHalf
19. You need to have crucial conversations with your spouse that should lead to you getting some help and being able to work through your issues. Build back your love, trust and friendship so that your emotional vacuum is filled. #MrMrsBetterHalf
20. Now you may be saying, ‘PG, this is all well and good but I am already hooked to this person and I don’t know what to do. I honestly don’t want to cheat but my feelings for this person are so strong that I really feel I love him/her.’ #MrMrsBetterHalf
21. The first thing I want you to know is that this kind of love or rather, infatuation is not fatal. If you fell into it, you can fall out of it. Decide that you want to be faithful to your spouse and preserve your marriage by following these steps: #MrMrsBetterHalf
22. (a) Change your vision and interpretation of that vision. You must first and foremost see and believe that there is no future with this person. Any sort of relationship with this person will be disastrous. Accept this as truth. #MrMrsBetterHalf
23. How am I sure this person isn’t ‘the one’ and you actually married the wrong person? I’m not 100% certain you married the right person but I’m 100% certain that a wounded person doesn’t make a good decision till he/she is healed. #MrMrsBetterHalf
24. When you are emotionally starved the other man/woman outside looks far more attractive than he or she really is. Your vision is impaired because you are malnourished. You are not seeing clearly. #MrMrsBetterHalf
25. If you were seeing clearly you would realize that a potential homewrecker doesn’t have the virtues or values that make a good spouse. Don’t scatter your marriage for a mirage- what he or she is offering is not the real deal! #MrMrsBetterHalf
26. (b) Change your thought life. Your life moves in the direction of your most dominant thoughts. The more you think of this person and fantasize about being together, the more in danger you will be of cheating. #MrMrsBetterHalf
27. You know what? Forces collude to bring your biggest fears or secret sins to pass. Somehow, one day you will find yourself alone in the office with that person with the prime opportunity to live out your fantasy. Change your thoughts. #MrMrsBetterHalf
28. Think good thoughts about your spouse, your marriage, your children and faith. Occupy your mind with the things that will move your life forward not backwards. Always remember that you will always become your thoughts. #MrMrsBetterHalf
29. (c) Create an emotional distance between you and this person. This person is your colleague so you may be unable to avoid him or her altogether but keep things official and distant. It might require you to be very formal. #MrMrsBetterHalf
30. A fire you refuse to feed will eventually die. Cut out the calls, flirtatious chats and emails and unnecessary hangouts. Cut them without ceremony- go cold turkey. You are likely to confuse the person but don’t worry he/she will recover. #MrMrsBetterHalf
31. Nobody likes to be rebuffed. When they see you want to keep things official they will either respect the distance or confront you. If the latter is the case, simply say that you respect them but want to focus more on work than friendship. #MrMrsBetterHalf
32. Understand the stakes you are playing for. The stakes in your marriage are far higher than those at work. Better an awkward work relationship than a broken marriage. Colleagues come and go; your spouse is forever. #MrMrsBetterHalf
33. (d) Get someone to hold you accountable. Reveal your feelings to someone. Once you have confessed your emotional weakness, it loses some of its power over you. Secrets have a way of keeping you in bondage. #MrMrsBetterHalf
34. Should you tell your spouse? If you think it will help you converse with him or her, sure you can. If on the other hand it might worry him or her and cause more harm than good then talk to a trusted friend who will help you. #MrMrsBetterHalf
35. Please ensure you don’t talk to someone without morals who will excuse your emotional infidelity- make sure it is someone who will take you up and demand change from you and hold you to it. #MrMrsBetterHalf
36. It’s important to have people in your life that can scold you and hit your ‘reset’ button. I have people like that in my life and encourage you to have them too. Let’s support one another to make good decisions for our lives and relationships. #MrMrsBetterHalf
37. Finally, if the temptation is too much to bear, change your job. There are jobs everywhere, actively start looking for another one. Trust God to open another door for you elsewhere where you can earn a living. #MrMrsBetterHalf
38. You may feel that building credibility in another place is risky and tedious but I can assure you that repairing a broken marriage is much worse. Pick your battles wisely. #MrMrsBetterHalf
39. I hope this has been helpful. I will be back next week with another topic. If you have a question, feel free to send me a message and I will try to address it in subsequent episodes. #MrMrsBetterHalf
40. Till then, thank you for following, participating and RTing. May your marriages and relationships be sweet! #MrMrsBetterHalf
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