This whole thread. Parker articulates it perfectly.
I'll also add some of my own thoughts: ever since coming out, I've been very, very careful to avoid "unnecessarily alienating" cis folks by being "thoughtful" about my participation in sports. I'll give you a quick example...
I'll also add some of my own thoughts: ever since coming out, I've been very, very careful to avoid "unnecessarily alienating" cis folks by being "thoughtful" about my participation in sports. I'll give you a quick example...
D.C. has numerous recreational leagues for softball, kickball, etc. Just about all of them have rules about keeping a certain number of women on the field during gameplay to prevent sexist exclusion. I've participated in these leagues for years. This is the first year I didn't.
It's not because I was made to feel unwelcome. In fact, the manager for the softball team I played on last year was very supportive. He welcomed my participation with open arms this season. I still felt that my playing would cause conflict that I couldn't stomach.
And it's not just because I'm trans. There are trans women who have no chemical or physical advantage. There are cis women who *do* have bodies with outlier characteristics that given them an enormous advantage. It wasn't just about me being trans.
It was about me having played sports for years in high school and throughout my adult life and still having a significant physical advantage with my body. That coupled with my trans identity, with my being a woman, may cause problems.
So, if I go on the softball field and count toward our team's total number of women in gameplay--especially if we barely meet the quota--the other team may get pissed and cause a scene. Then, it becomes humiliating and embarrassing for me.
And just as Parker notes, then I could find myself saying shit like, "Yeah, listen, I am definitely a woman, but trust me when I say I'm not even that good. You won't even notice I'm here."
We're encouraged to erase and downplay ourselves to make others comfortable.
We're encouraged to erase and downplay ourselves to make others comfortable.
And then, there's the guilt. I wound up deciding not play softball this year, and I felt incredibly guilty over it. Like I was letting down other trans people, especially kids, by not participating. This is supposed to be a fun league. It's not even supposed to be that deep.
And yet, every space we enter becomes some kind of "ethics debate" that has nothing to do with ethics and everything to do with comforting fragile cisgender people who quite literally hate our existence for no reason other than their own intentionally fearful bigotry.
When I travel to another state and city, the first thing I do is look up their nondiscrimination laws so I know what I'm risking if I need to use a public restroom. And even if those laws are in place, I make sure to get in and get out. Don't talk. Don't look up. In and out.
I wish I could tell you I'll play softball in the spring, but I honestly don't know. It's something that I would could be a fun distraction from work, not yet another activist project. But that's not how it is for us. And I really wish more cis folks understood that. /thread
