Thread by @37paday

1/ So I have decided to leave the UK

2/ It was never really an issue until recently until I got into my head I could do better by myself

3/ After much discussion in my head I thought on balance leaving was better

4/ And by leaving what I really mean is staying in my house and garden and making it the Independent Republic of Alexanderland

5/ I spoke to the UK and they said that is fine if that is what you want to do but you do need to pay your council tax and utility bills until the day you leave. Fine I said

6/ Fair enough I thought. Once That is done then I can run things exactly how I want and I will be better off and free

7/ My sister then asked me what life would be like in the independent republic of Alexanderland.

It will be great I said. I can get up when I want and watch Homes under the Hammer before going for a walk in the local park

8/ But my sister asked me where will I get my electricity from to watch TV and do I have a deal with the UK to watch the BBC?

9/ My sister then said am I allowed to use the local park because I will no longer be part of the UK?

I suppose so I said. I phoned the council. They said no problem as long as you pay an access fee.

Ok I said

10/ What will you do for food and drink my sister asked?

Well I have a tap for water and some land to grow some veg. The rest I will get from the supermarket

11/ But is you have left the UK you will pay more for the weekly shop because you won’t have a trade deal with the UK. That means they will have to impose tariffs.

12/ And how are you going to check your food is safe?

Well I will rely on the supermarket. That way I don’t need to check it.

Oh said my sister

13/ But what if the food makes you sick who will you complain to?

The supermarket I said. But I suppose I need a deal with the UK so I can have my complaint heard and action taken

14/ And if you do get sick who will look after you?

I will use the hospital I said and they have doctors and nurses and medicine

15/ Are you building a hospital in your house then asked my sister?

No, silly! I will use the local one

16/ But you cannot use the local one anymore as you won’t be in the UK.

Good point I said. I will ask the council.

The council said it was fine as long as I paid a fee and did not mind waiting until all their patients have been seen

17/ What will you do for protection asked my sister?

18/ Well apart from my thick front door, I will get some CCTV and I can still complain to the police

19/ Really asked my sister? Which police?

I phoned the council again. Yes we can send the police round for a fee. But they won’t have any power as they are not the police of the independent republic of Alexanderland.

20/ That is worrying. I better employ some people to control who comes into my house.

21/ I am going to have a big party to celebrate and have been telling my friends. I told them they will get checked by some new security people.

Why, we are your friends they said?

Shall we just go to the pub instead. We don’t fancy the hassle of going to yours?

22/ Sounds good I said but a shame you don’t want to come.

Well we do but your home is not so welcoming any more

23/ The UK has called to tell me it is putting check points up outside my house as I am going to be a new country

24/ But why I ask?

It is only me and I want to see my friends. The checks are not needed

25/ We know we know you said the UK but we treat everyone from outside the Uk the same. Fair is fair.

Oh I said

26/ How will that affect my job in the UK?

27/ Oh we assumed you would work from home and had a plan said the UK?

No! I really need my job to pay for things

28/ We understand said the UK but that is a job in the UK & you need a visa now - then you can work in your job.

Assuming we don’t have someone locally to do the job that is.

But it is my job. I need it.

But you chose to leave!

29/ Yeah but I just wanted a bit more control and now I still have to pay for everything I had before but I don’t get everything I had before

30/ Well you can still change your mind. You can stay with us

31/ What do I get for that?

32/ Well you can keep your job, use the park, supermarket, your friends can easily see you and we will look after your security and sort out your medical needs

33/ You can also tell us how you want things run and what is important and needs to be changed. Your voice matters.

34/ Sounds good to me. How much will it cost me?

35/ Well same as you paid before. We really want you to stay

36/ How long do I have to decide what to do?

37/ 29 March 2019 but after that you are on your own.