The “your orgasm is your responsibility” rhetoric is loaded af & upholds patriarchal ideas of hetero sex based on inequity.
I can’t take it serious as a talking point until hetero men prioritize women’s orgasms the same way hetero women are socialized to prioritize men’s.
I can’t take it serious as a talking point until hetero men prioritize women’s orgasms the same way hetero women are socialized to prioritize men’s.
I’ve heard (and I think I may have supported, at one point smh) “your orgasm is your responsibility” solely to encourage women to figure out how to orgasm during partnered-sex by any means necessary so at least we’re cumming, even if it’s by our own hand.
But that’s bullshit.
But that’s bullshit.
I think my initial logic was at least I came (?) sojijzkkzzkskzk
Informed by the fact that if women are having a hard time communicating needs, making yourself cum is an alternative that at least ends in orgasm.
And if that works, cool.
Informed by the fact that if women are having a hard time communicating needs, making yourself cum is an alternative that at least ends in orgasm.
And if that works, cool.
However that doesn’t sit right with me as the center of the orgasm gap convo.
The conversation on a micro level needs to center hetero men prioritizing women’s orgasms and hetero women learning about their bodies and learning how to communicate their needs.
(Bonus: if possible, learning how to choose partners they feel comfortable communicating with.)
(Bonus: if possible, learning how to choose partners they feel comfortable communicating with.)
“Your orgasm is your responsibility” is dehumanizing af.
It’s “I’m not prioritizing you. I’m not having sex WITH you, I’m doing sex TO you.”
It’s “I’m not prioritizing you. I’m not having sex WITH you, I’m doing sex TO you.”
And I recognize BOTH: that 👆🏾 is the reality for many women (so acknowledging working around that may be the only option) AND refuse to center that as my praxis.
What I mean to say is, if you are partnered with someone who does sex to you, will not prioritize you/your orgasm and leaving them is not an option, I won’t discourage “owning” your own orgasm.
We will work on how to make sex more comfortable, enjoyable, etc.
We will work on how to make sex more comfortable, enjoyable, etc.
Again, that is not my preference and my desire is for women to demand orgasms!
However I recognize not all of us can negotiate ethical sex encounters so we’ll work from where you are.
However I recognize not all of us can negotiate ethical sex encounters so we’ll work from where you are.
Anyway, a lot of my praxis outside of clinical work is solely focused on women/queer & minority folks, in general.
So I’m focused on meeting ppl where they’re at and figuring out what power they have to navigate life differently (better?).
I’m not focused on oppressors.
So I’m focused on meeting ppl where they’re at and figuring out what power they have to navigate life differently (better?).
I’m not focused on oppressors.
And we ALL know damn well men are not out here on a mass scale doing foreplay, eating pussy, etc etc with the intention of centering women’s pleasure so this whole convo is a gaslighting DUB.
